Active discussions

Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 08:12

We've been trying bribes for the last week, fucking absolutely useless he doesn't give a shit that when he is on the potty he can watch spiderman and get new toys. He just doesn't care. He needs to be potty training NOW I am not doing another 'oh just wait another year and he will get it just before xyz' I was told that about him being three, its bullshit

OP posts:
purplevicks · 28/03/2014 08:13

The more you stress out at your dS the more stressed he will become. Getting angry and worked up won't help either of you. By putting him separate in another room telling him he can't join in is like making toilet training a punishment for him. Try speaking to a hv and get some support not just for you but for your little one.

EverythingCounts · 28/03/2014 08:13

Mine also would use the toilet rather than a potty. Since your DS is proving stubborn, go back to the nursery and insist. They surely can't be any more difficult than a stubborn small child. And try him on the toilet at home, asap.

coffeecups · 28/03/2014 08:14

You are making this into a bigger battle than it need be. You need to chill out a bit more. School is still a long way off so don't stress about that.

I would use the toilet or have him do a stand up pee. It'smore nnatural for him than a potty. Get a little stool if he is too short for the toilet. And tell the nursery that thia approach is working for your boy. I can't believe they only have potties and no toilets.

Fairylea · 28/03/2014 08:14

So you are going to make him sit on the potty until he wees, even if it upsets him. How is that teaching him anything apart from the fact he has to sit on the potty for hours until something comes out? It's not teaching him to want to use it, it's teaching him to hate the potty and the feeling of needing a wee. Negative association isn't a good thing to have with potty training.

BeverleyMoss · 28/03/2014 08:16

You are way too angry about this for it to work right now. Take a break from it even if it's just a couple of days and then start a fresh.

TheWanderingUterus · 28/03/2014 08:16

What about more immediate bribes like sweets and chocolate?

DS responded better to that than to toys or tv. Once he was trained we weaned him off them again by giving proportionately smaller rewards.

I sympathise, potty training was a low point in my parenting experience.

Turquoiseblue · 28/03/2014 08:18

Have you tried using an old wine cork or ping pong ball or Cheerios as target practice ? My DS loved the challenge - seriously ! Got him using the loo- forget the potty, it s seriously stressing you out. Tell the nursery he s peeing standing up and they can jog on!

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 28/03/2014 08:19

Ok at the risk of being shouted at again. Here's how I did it.

Pants only from now on, plenty of drinks take to the toilet every 15 minutes. If he he wets himself then look serious and a bit disappointed but don't shout. If he manages to get one in the potty lots of over the top praise. No bribes, no rewards, no punishment.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 08:20

Firstly, it is not upsetting him in the slightest. Secondly school is only in september which is just around the corner if he is going to be dry and clean by the time he gets there.

he has just done 2 wees on the potty and is now wearing new spiderman pants. Hopefully he will realise that it is important to actually not have a nappy on now

OP posts:
Fairylea · 28/03/2014 08:21

I agree the nursery is wrong. Not all children get on with a potty, especially slightly older ones who can understand adults using a toilet and not understand why they can't. Your son doesn't have to start school yet. Nursery will just have to deal with it and take him to the toilet. Get him a little seat for the toilet and make it fun, foam to hand wash afterwards, flush the toilet and make roar noises but only if he wees, lots of praise etc.

Twunk · 28/03/2014 08:22

He's of an age that when he gets it he gets it. September is forever away! This will be a distant memory.

Pleased to hear you had some success. I hope the Spider-Man pants work their magic.

BeverleyMoss · 28/03/2014 08:22

Wow that's some progress in half an hour, hopefully you have him lots of praise.

Poor child.

NickyEds · 28/03/2014 08:23

OP god this sounds so stressful. At his age I do think he can be potty trained and I think your nursery's attitude sucks. If you need to bypass potty and go straight t the toilet then they'll have to suck it up. It isn't unreasonable for nearly 4 year old to use a toilet.
My nephew had a (literally) crap time potty training. Wouldn't go in potty-refused toilet etc. For what it's worth this is what my sister did; Got moses basket out of loft, big boy toys replaced with soft teddies, no longer getting to decide things for himself-she even mashed up his food. Nappy changes were silent and followed by a "nap" in the moses and he was generally treated like a baby- he hated it and went straight to toilet.

Only1scoop · 28/03/2014 08:23

Does ds go to nursery regularly....if so they can work with you? And surely they would encourage him to have access to toilet? I didn't understand that bit. My dd is the same age I don't think she would fit on potty comfortably now. Maybe you will find the toilet just clicks and he misses out potty almost completely.

Good luck!

ListenToTheLady · 28/03/2014 08:24

Oh OP i remember this. It is madly frustrating. You do need to calm down but I totally understand why you feel like this.

From the perspective of having two fully trained DC now aged 8 and 4 I can tell you you will get there. It just doesn't feel like it.

Get yourself a cup of tea, take some deep breaths, have a cry if necessary and go back to DS. Apologise for being cross and say you got upset because you want him to wee in the potty, though you understand he doesn't want to, but is is going to have to be brave and learn sooner or later.

Don't go on about it any more. Get a bag of chocolate buttons. One choc button for every wee in the potty, two for a poo. That is the deal, once explained don't keep talking about it, just ask him regularly if he wants a wee/poo, and take him to the toilet regularly for a try. If no results "oh dear never mind, I'm sure you'll get that choccy button soon." No punishments, threats or nagging.

Good luck - this worked for us.

TheGreatHunt · 28/03/2014 08:25

You need to leave him alone. Poor boy. Imagine if you were forced to sit on the toilet for ages and forced to wee.

For fucks sake.

youmultiplememurderer · 28/03/2014 08:28

I hear you OP. We're having the same problem but it's now complicated by the possibility ds has a hyposensitivity problem and can't feel it properly. Best of luck.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 08:29

Thanks everyone, now that he is not running around holding his penis because he obviously desperately needs the loo but is REFUSING to urinate on the potty I am a lot calmer. He has his big boy pants on and he loves spiderman so that is good.

We are going out in a minute and I think I might go to Mothercare and get the guff needed to make the downstairs loo a 'baby loo' it is a nightmare because I will need to empty it of stuff and obviously it will be harder for us to use it. It is that when he goes to nursery they expect him to use a potty, so that is a bit hard and obviously when we are out and about, that is a bit hard too.

I suppose we will just have to get used to it though. I think I am tetchy because for years and years everyone has said 'oh just do this and that' 'just leave him be and he will WANT to do it when he is three' and its bullshit, its not done a bloody thing for us.

I will sort out the loo today and help him use it frequently. I'll also do the choccy button thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 08:30

No I fucking DONT need to 'leave him alone' I need to help him GET TO A POINT where he is on par with his peers rather than fucking pandering to him as a child and seriously negating his enjoyment of life.

OP posts:
BitsinTatters · 28/03/2014 08:30

Wow

When I read the thread title I didn't think it would be about a child

Gracious some people are charming.

Treaclepot · 28/03/2014 08:30

Just dont put a nappy on him,
Drop the anger and if he makes a mistwke say in a nice voice ' potty next time'

He might be a bit big for a potty, no way would my 3 year old sit on a potty, they are 'for babies'.

Toliet might be a hassle, but kids are.

He will have totally picked up on your over the top anger and be freaked by it, and react in lots of ways.

TheNightIsDark · 28/03/2014 08:31

No nursery expects a 3 year old to use a potty and if they do I'd be looking for a new nursery!

Treaclepot · 28/03/2014 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheNightIsDark · 28/03/2014 08:32

Toilet- yes most would be expected too but nurseries should recognise that the EYFS says about being clean and dry can happen anytime up until 6.

Potty- I've never expected any of my nursery children to use a potty if they're not comfortable with it.