I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Why would it be in 'child development' if it wasn't about a child???

FFS people are ALLOWED to vent it is a parenting forum for fuck sake.

If I had a mum like you I reckon I would take great pleasure in pissing and shitting all over the place.

He's 3 ffs.

Has he got 'big boy pants'? My sister made a big deal of taking her little girl to choose her own 'big girl pants'. They had barbie or cinderella or some pretty girly things. My sister is a black belt in child psychology - her daughter really did not want to wee on Barbie!

If its the nursery rules, then I would ask if there is flexibility there. It may well be a child welfare doodah, as a single worker cannot take a child to the loo by themselves if they cannot be observed (the adult, not the child) so it can make things a bit tricky in a nursery set up.

He is 3.

When does he go to school?

You are the adult here yet you're having a tantrum.

Let him rub around in his pants. If he has an accident do not react. Just clean up. If he goes in his potty then great!

Say out loud what you're saying on here to someone in RL. Then you may see why some of us are reacting like this.

It is horrible (I have a stubborn 4 year old ds and know that anger is wasted on such things)

It's irrelevant that it's in child development. You say that you want to kill him and you've spent every comment you've made swearing about how fucked off you are with your child.

You sound horrible.

It was this bit of your post which made me feel for your son:

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty

Ranting and raving is one thing but that ^ is horrible.

Do you ever get that moment of freezing up when you're in a cubicle wanting a wee and someone is in the next one? Makes you self conscious and for a split second you can't go... Imagine being told you have to go. I would struggle.

Honestly, I think you are going to have to tell the nursery that he isn't going to use a potty.

I would imagine that 1) he is too big for it and it isn't comfortable and 2) IME of potty training 2 boys you can make it a lot of fun, learning how to wee standing up.
Mine point blank refused to entertain a potty but once they discovered they could aim their wee at coloured balls in the toilet, they couldn't wait to do it.

Actually I felt sympathetic til I read all the hassle you have to go to to 'prepare' the downstairs loo. Surely this involves a step and a small seat? You have been going through all this when all you had to do was clear the downstairs loo? I don't get it. Also allowing others to tell you how/when to train him. He is your kid. You can't blame others. Do what you think is right.

I think sorting out your loo as you said in your previous post will be a big step forward.

Theresno

Yes I thought also.

Hi OP

I was in your situation. DS was refused a place at the local playgroup because he wasn't potty trained. All his friends were there and I was stuck at home getting more and more wound up every day... and I got the "Oh, it'll just click when he's ready.." from everyone.

Firstly, it is a bit of a 'brain to bottom' connection that takes longer to acquire in some kids than others. DS 'got it' one day and then didn't the next, so its not automatic. Life is very exciting and theres always more exciting stuff to do than go to the loo.

Secondly, can you invite a friend round to play who is VERY well potty/toilet trained? It was this that worked for DS - something about a bit of social pressure. 'Oh look at your friend Johnnie! What a big boy! He's done a wee in the potty/ loo". It took several play dates before the penny really dropped, but its worth a try.

Lastly, chill out about it. Your DS ain't going to conform when the pressure is on, and it could set up all sorts of problems later on for him.

Good Luck.

My ds is 3.2 and his bum doesn't actually fit on a potty any more as I discovered at my mum's this weekend as she doesn't have a seat adapter thing.

Much easier to use the seat + step imo. Don't really get why you have to transform the loo into a "baby loo"?? You just need seat + step.

I am no expert here! That's the disclaimer.

Stop being so mean to the OP - she is stressed and venting here rather than yelling at her kid. I am sure she is smiling at her little one while inwardly cursing herself.

My thoughts are - shouldn't the child need to be aware of when he needs to go rather than sit for hours waiting for a movement? That would out me off the loo for ever - and even two minutes to a 3 year old is an eternity.

I would try the pull up nappy pants and constantly ask 'do you need a wee?' 'Do you want a poo?'. Any accidents met with a 'oh dear, that must be uncomnfortable' and don't rush to clean it up! Assume there will be accidents. Remember, big kids poo in the loo (like daddy), not their pants.

Its going to be messy but you will get there!

Why does it need to be a 'baby loo'? My 2.11yo pees standing up at the toilet. No equipment required.

Its not just the sorting out of the downstairs loo, it is the nursery issue, he is there 3 full days (8-6) a week. About him 'sitting on the potty for an hour' remove from your head the image of the trunchbull stood above him demanding he stay there, he happily sits on the potty for an hour, he is cool with it, he sits on it and watches spiderman without a worry in the world. Then when he tries to stand up he obviously needs to piss and has to sit down again, when I TALK to him he puts on a fucking baby voice and tucks his tongue in around his bloody teeth and pretends to 'not be able to talk' or understand me. IT IS INFURIATING

So no, it was not 'cruel' to sit him on the potty for an hour, he does that quite happily and has done so twice a day for the last week, he KNOWS what the potty is and he KNOWS he should be pissing on it but he just WONT I think that as people on here said it became a battle of wills and removing him from the room DID help with that.

As did cracking out the new spiderman pants (they are boxershorts shaped like daddies) but he couldn't put them on until after he had used the potty for a wee!

Which he has done now and is happily sat in his pants. I am hoping that in the next week we can move on from the 'oh yeah I'll sit on the potty for hours and then piss in a nappy' because that did NOT happen naturally at all. Neither did sitting on the potty he took a LOT of encouragement to do that to begin with.

I'll try the loo thing but I am concerned how it is going to work with the nursery.

Ok

Your nursery doesn't need to use a potty. Argue with them why he can't use a fucking toilet. It's easier for them?! Fuck that. Get on their case!

You just take nappies away then. Pull ups at night and pants in day. Commando? If your this pissed about it what's stopping you? Might give you time to realise he is either not quite there or doesn't go as much as you think. Carpets not important is it...

You aren't teaching him to use the downstairs loo because it's full of stuff and it's hard? Get a fucking grip. It's a toilet seat not an ikea flat pack. Put a step in, put toilet seat next to it and he will put together. Christ he's 3 not stupid.

Or just buy a 2-1 seat. Baby and adult and kid in one thing. We did and it's brilliant. Amazon.

You're the one making this hard. Back off calm down.

Does the nursery have toilets? Why is your son not allowed to use nursery toilets?

I too have found the whole potty training part of parenting as my worst. My son is 3.5 yrs and I have tried everything. I mean everything. I know you say you must try the potty first because of nursery but ignore them, he's your son! I've tried a potty for the last year, nothing. Bought him a toilet seat, Easter eggs on the shelf and slowly it's going in. Wee and poo on it in first two days. Some kids especially boys just seem to big for a potty so I would suggest going straight to the toilet. Also I know it's frustrating, but celebrate everything he does well, who he is. Don't worry what others think too, I know that's so hard but just think of how your son feels, what he's thinking when he's just sat on the potty for an hour and not getting anywhere, a failure. Give him a huge cuddle, talk to him, take him to buy a toilet seat and some sweets.

OP

Your poor, poor son.

Get a grip on yourself. Swearing and saying you want to kill him and ranting about 'pandering'
If you have this much ire over something that the poor boy has no control over, then my goodness, what are you going to be like when he's older and gets into typical child/teenage scrapes?
Have you any idea how ugly your behaviour looks to us?

Mine were not out of nappies in the day until 3 and a half. There was no pressure and no stressing and they went straight to one of those removable loo seats with steps and it was a smooth transition. Pressuring them would have been the very very worst thing I could have done. They were each a bit shy of six when they came out of night nappies. It has done nothing to hinder their long-term development.

is the nursery have been doing the 'look at all your friends going to the toilet' thing for a while now, he doesn't give a shit about it.

Actually what he needed was a bit of a more forceful push, I know that sounds dreadful but it is true, he needed to know that he wasn't going to have a nice time watching spiderman and chilling out in the lounge before he had done a wee and put his pants on.

Now that he has done those things its cool, I am not going to spend another weekend with my nearly 4 year old wandering around in a massive nappy refusing to use the toilet or even move forward a bit with potty training.

You sound so angry at your child OP.
Of course it will bother him.

You have had some excellent advice on this thread. I hope you will take it on board, then maybe think about some help for your anger.

Bringing up children is a tough job and you really don't want to be spending the next 15 years in a state of rage.

Stunned he is at nursery 3 days a week and they are encouraging him to use a potty not the toilet....
If that is the case.

He HAS control! He absolutely definitely DOES have control over when he does a piss TRUST me.

He is REFUSING to use the potty because he is being difficult. He is nearly FOUR FFS!!!!!!!!!

I have friends who said 'no more nappies' to their TWO YEARS OLDS and have a fucking 3 year old who is perfectly ready to move on. When I was a child it was UNHEARD OF for a child to be in nappies at fucking FOUR YEARS OLD!!!! It is NOT normal OR healthy for them.

So that is it, no more fucking nappies in the house, he can piss and shit on the potty or he can piss and shit on the floor and help to clean it up.

I do agree that 3 is really too old to be using a potty. It must be very uncomfortable.

I would definatly try to get him to understand when he needs to go and not have him sitting and waiting. Then the loo becomes no big deal, just a functiona thing.

Is the potty not in the bathroom? If he has to go away from his play/book/tv to wee, then he might get the sense of urgency (to get back to playing) than just carrying on what he is doing.

Once he can tell you when he needs to go, then maybe its time to throw the day nappies away and go pants only.

We bought a book called 'potty poo poo wee wee' about a dinosaur who would only poo on the floor and not his potty. Sonmething like that may help.

Maybe ask the nursery for tips? I a sure they get asked a lot.