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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:
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mandbaby · 01/04/2014 11:23

My son (who is now 4.5) was dry at 2.5 - but not because he used a potty - he only every weed standing up (like Daddy and Grandad). For 18 months he did this but still insisted on wearing a nappy to do poos. It drove me insane! He knew he needed a poo but refused to sit on the toilet/potty. I also had images of him going to school having to have a nappy put on him.

But, and I know you don't like hearing this "he'll do it when he's ready" bullshit, but he will. One day, my son sneaked off to the toilet, climed on, and did a poo. Since then, not a single nappy. This was a week before his 4th birthday. I really didn't think it was ever going to happen, but like everything with toddlers, things can change drastically overnight.

One day, when your son is a teenager or a grown man, your heart will ache when you look at photos of him as a baby/toddler/child. These days don't last forever - yes, they're stressful - but one day you'll wish you could have them back.

Good luck.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 11:25

Yes I can promise you that I have just vented on here and been overjoyed when he has used the potty etc. The first day wasn't my finest hour but I was desperately trying to ask him over and over again to use the potty and he JUST WOULDN'T!!!!!!! It was really annoying.

Anyway I am their mum, I'm not perfect but I am here and trying my best, hence changing things up and asking for advice so we are dealing with it in a productive way. That is what all parents should do.

OP posts:
Contemplates · 01/04/2014 11:27

There is no way on God's earth anyone could rant and swear like this and not let it be known to a frightened 3 year old.

I am horrified.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 11:34

He's not frightened!

And I can't help but laugh at not only the insistence that I will seek professional help but now the idea that the decision to do so has already been made! Ludicrous I can just see it now 'I need to talk to you about getting pissed off with my son while he is potty training' 'do you get annoyed with him about other things' 'not really'

What a waste of bloody time!

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 01/04/2014 11:36

It is a massive difference to yesterday when you would not accept that you behaviour was 'not your finest hour'.
I do hope you bear this thread in mind when next you lose your temper OP and maybe use it as a bench mark of where you don't want to be.

I am thrilled your son is grasping potty training today and I hope he continues to progress. It does happen quite quickly and he will be using the toilet independently in no time.

Good luck with the car too I have just had to fork £300 to fix mine and that does fill me with purple faced rage Smile

wifey6 · 01/04/2014 11:36

We are only reacting on the way you have presented yourself I'm afraid OP. A cause for concern.

teenagetantrums · 01/04/2014 11:38

OP I think there are some mad people on this thread, feel free to vent away, I have not been in your position as I trained, and made my 2 year old use the potty, I was pregnant and couldn't bear the thought of two in nappies, it was pretty pain free. Its called training for a reason, if we just let them do it when they want we wouldn't have to train them, your oldest is capable of using the toilet and he will if you make him, maybe start on the youngest his big brother might want to join in.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 11:40

Thanks teenager and I totally agree, there is a window of opportunity there and I think we missed it with our eldest. Won't be missing it with the youngest!

My car is still under warranty so I shouldn't have any issues with it. If I do I will just ask for my money back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 11:41

Also, once again, I have not 'lost my temper' with my son, I've just vented on an Internet forum.

Which is allowed.

OP posts:
BeverleyMoss · 01/04/2014 11:45

You're in denial.

rootypig · 01/04/2014 11:49

Funnyfoot I grew up with a very angry father.

Why don't you talk to him about that Hmm

Contemplates · 01/04/2014 11:49

OP sometimes people don't know how aggressive they're coming across when they're angry and venting.

Especially when they've calmed down and now feel differently about it.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 12:18

Yes blaming me for someone elses angry father is more than a bit bizarre!

There is a man coming right now to pick up the Berlingo, lets hope it is just a starter motor that needs replacing, that is an easy job and wont require lots of time and stress for any of us.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 01/04/2014 12:24

So what has triggered your CAF meeting if you don't think you need any professional support?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 01/04/2014 12:31

Oh dear god people. It's words on a page. It's venting. It's by product of holding it all in front of the child so you don't look Like a demented freak.

Op you've done well batting this bunch back. But 714 messages?!? Maybe set up a late potty training support thread (under a better title) where you can continue to get useful support but stop getting accused of mental physical torture to a minor, lost marbles, and pearls clutched from here til doomsday. That stuff is just barmy. And cannot be helping.

Honestly bet some of this lot reckon eastenders is a documentary too....

Funnyfoot · 01/04/2014 12:43

rootypig

If you had read all of my post you would have seen that I had.

My dad on the other hand is oblivious to how his rage affected us and when confronted with particular incidents he denies it, says he wasn't that bad, or he kept it from us by going upstairs/kitchen/garden.

Funnyfoot · 01/04/2014 12:46

Yes blaming me for someone elses angry father is more than a bit bizarre!

How was I blaming you for my angry father?

I was giving my experience of how an angry irrational parent can have an affect on you even when they themselves believe that you were not affected by it.

And you called me strange!

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 12:47

The CAF meeting was set up by the nursery because of DS1's speech issues, we had one meeting with a SALT and worked on the games she gave us to do and he just got it, it's amazing how much he has come on in the last couple of months everyone is so happy with him. He had a follow up with a SALT at nursery so without me and they were happy with him too, this is a follow up meeting with the HV and the nursery to check and see if anything else needs to happen.

I think I will start a new thread thanks minnie let this one fall to the way-side, it has all gone a bit pointless!

OP posts:
mandbaby · 01/04/2014 12:53

I've been slowly reading through all the replies, after already leaving 2 of my own, and I've just thought of another suggestion.

This trick once worked for my eldest son:

I sneakily put some water in the bottom of the potty. I then put his much younger brother (who was only about 7 months old at the time) onto the potty, waited a moment, lifted him off and made such a fuss of him because he'd done a "wee". DS1, not to be outdone, then proceeded to sit on the potty and did his first ever wee out of a nappy.

It might be worth a try...?

My youngest son was also pooing on the potty/toilet before my eldest, who was still pooing in nappies at almost 4 yrs old. Within a week or two of my youngest son (then 2.3) being potty trained, my eldest son (who had been dry for 18 months) took himself off to do his first poo on the toilet.

Sibling rivalry works in mysterious ways!

DystopianReality · 01/04/2014 12:57

This day couldn't get any worse from the OP up thread when her car stopped working.

A child has just been killed at school in Edinburgh after a wall fell on her.

Just a thought to help keep you keep things in perspective, OP.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 01/04/2014 12:59

Gosh how dreadful dystopian so dreadful it almost deserves more respect than being using as a stick to make people feel bad, don't you think?

OP posts:
rootypig · 01/04/2014 13:10

Dystopian WTAF? I now agree this thread is ludicrous, for the sanctimonious arses piling in

Funnyfoot · 01/04/2014 13:16

I agree rootpig

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 01/04/2014 13:31

Dunno what kind is superiority stunt that was supposed to be dystopian but it really backfired...

PlumpPartridge · 01/04/2014 13:47

I am constantly double-checking with my calm, non-violent DH because I'm scared that my inner fury leaks out. He points out that the kids are nearly always happy and bouncy and cuddly around me (except when grizzling) and that if he suspected they were scared of me then he'd have said or done something.

I think that those of us with quick tempers get very very good at concealing them, for the most part, or we learn what our options are for venting in a non-harmful way (like, say, MN). I swear like crazy at my DH and when I'm alone in the house, and sometimes online. I do not swear at/hit/assault/threaten/otherwise intimidate my kids.

I think we have been the victims of our own success; when people see us being truly uninhibitedly angry, they are shocked. They refuse to believe that we feel like this often and manage to sit on it.

op, I have some sympathy with your stance. Maybe not the language ('cos I am a bit prim on MN usually) but definitely your stance Grin