I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Maybe he's attached to it too-might it be worth buying a cheap, non-descript generic potty for 'going on'?

No he uses it well, since I started this thread he has done all his business in the potty, apart from when he has pants on or the crap today he did next to the potty.

That is a bit harsh Hector and FunnyFeet

Clearly the OP is stressed to the max, not just with potty training, but life generally. Potty training a 2.11 yr old took me to the edge of sanity without an 18mo sibling and a broken car to contend with. I think I'd be letting off steam if I were in her shoes with a rebellious 3.8 yr old.

I will echo Beverley's post:

"PISS IN THE RIGHT PLACE RATHER THAN DEMANDING AND OVERSIZED FUCKING NAPPY TO PISS AND SHIT IN

And

Three times a day he can leave the room and sit on the fucking potty until he pisses on it.

And

he obviously needs to piss and has to sit down again, when I TALK to him he puts on a fucking baby voice

And

he can piss and shit on the potty or he can piss and shit on the floor and help to clean it up."

I find this quite shocking too. I'm all for having a rant and the odd expletive, but the language here is very aggressive and hostile. Quite concerning.

That is a bit harsh Hector and FunnyFeet

After 4 DC I know exactly how hard potty training can be however I would never talk so disgustingly about my child even on an internet forum.

After reading some of the OP threads I think the OP has issues and needs to sort them out as carrying on such anger over several hours is not healthy for her of her family.
Given the level of her anger expressed on here do you really think she was able to hide that from her little boy? If you do you are as naïve as she is aggressive.

And the drama continues.......

"You should be ashamed of yourself" "nasty mother"

Yup that's just the sort of language that gets people to stop and reflect and consider how they could do things differently. It wouldn't make anyone dig their heels in and not listen.

She should be ashamed of herself and yes the way she speaks about her child does make her come across as nasty.
Why should I not say this?
The OP is free to call her child an animal and put him in the same category as her dog.
The OP is free to say she will sit him on a potty for hours on end by himself in the hallway.
So therefore I am free to say how I find it disgusting that she speaks of her child in such away and that she is nasty.

It would make me think again if several hundred strangers all had that opinion. I would reflect.

But then I don't have the same kind of personality, apparently.

You forgot the new puppy mary arrrrrghhhh

Anyway it's another day at home today so we are hoping to crack the potty training out of pants, it's just the times he is wearing clothes I am worried about now because he doesn't seem to realise he is wet!

The OP needs help, why if you loved a child would you speak about them like this? It is very concerning. I have had two children to 'potty train' and yes it's tiring, but to speak about a 3.8 child like this is not right. I agree with funny foot. Speaking about this very young child in this way is horrible.

If this woman was to express these views to neighbours or anyone else, and uses the language she uses on here, she may find that she is being visited by social services!

Can you not see that berating someone for their lack of compassion, while demonstrating none yourself (towards the OP) weakens your argument?

I'm not sure how your harsh, critical tone would help the OP? Unless you are trying to demonstrate that harsh critical attitude towards children who are potty training will be equally unhelpful?

I have on occasion frequently ranted at DH about how incredibly difficult it can be to not lose my rag and swear a blue streak at my toddlers (whom I do love but find INTENSELY frustrating).

This means that on the occasions when I clearly restrain myself (sometimes turning puce with the effort) DH looks at me and says, carefully: 'You did very well keeping your temper then. Well done.'

I don't find this patronising but instead very welcome praise! Praise the behaviour you want to encourage - isn't that the mantra? It works on me and may work on the op if you all wish to train her out of sweary ways. The opposite is frankly ineffective (on me anyway).

Most of us have compassion fatigue by now. And a healthy sense of scepticism too.

Puppy as well

Good luck today. Hope you have coffee at the ready. And gin for later. Oh, and, maybe get a swear box

I'm not bothered about her swearing. That is really not the issue.

Can you not see that berating someone for their lack of compassion, while demonstrating none yourself (towards the OP) weakens your argument

Can you not see that berating a 3.8 yo child for not potty training quickly enough is abusive?

The OP does not deserve my compassion or understanding but I wish she would show her child some.

The OP was given page after page of advice but still carried on speaking about her child in such a disgusting way over several hours which leads me to believe that compassion and understanding will not change the way this person speaks about her son. She was also defending the way she spoke about him and can see nothing wrong with it.

Completely agree partridge

I am the most placid, tolerant & easy going parent you could meet-but with three children (one still in nappies at 2.5), potty training the boys tested me to the limit far more than weaning/breastfeeding/sleep deprivation ever did. there's something about it that pressed all my buttons and turned me into an irrational, rage-filled monster (i hid this from the kids, which is what it sounds like Op is doing).

Op what are your plans for today-if you're at home can he be left in just his pants, so he'll be more aware of when he wets and you'll save on washing?

It's probably been asked already, but if you could enlist some help & moral support it might help. I roped my mom in when it got too difficult, and it was useful having someone send me off to make a cuppa whilst they cleared up before I (internally) exploded with frustration when he just "didn't get it".

My mom's mantra with everything is "count to 53", which sounds trite but actually is the best thing you can do when you feel angry but don't want your little boy to pick up on it. Accompanied with over-the-top-jazz-hands-round-of-applause praise on the occasions he does it right (we phoned grandma/nanny/Aunty/daddy-whoever was able to take the call-to make a big deal. Most amusing when my husband was with colleagues or my mom was in the shops and they had to congratulate him on doing a wee/poo!).

You will get through this, it might be tough but there are so many anxieties tied up with toilet stuff that you don't want your son feeling a failure or that you're cross. Hope today is a better day for you x

at sibling
Yy to phoning friends/family at work to make them congratulate potty success. Let them share the joy!

To all those 'concerned' about the op's child: how is your approach helping him? If you genuinely feel that he is in a vulnerable situation, what constructive steps have you taken so your conscience is clear should your fears be true?

I judged and still judge the op because I wouldn't and don't talk about my children in such harsh terms. However, the best thing for that child (who we don't know who/where he is so can't intervene, if indeed that were necessary) is to 'talk down' the stressed mom and offer any advice which might just be the nugget she needs to crack the code, solve the problem and move onto the next one.

I personally don't feel the child is at risk from harm, because I feel that if she is taking herself away from him to post, and is being so openly honest in her vitriole she is not deliberately hiding anything, which (maybe naively) leads me to think that if she were abusing him it'd be very easy to be devious and cover up, and she wouldn't rant for hours in such a way.

It's like the dead-beat dads who say "I'd do anything for my kids/I love them to bits/I'd die for my kids", then don't see them or demonstrate it by the way they act. Talk is cheap (which in this case is a positive I think)

I think the OP just needs to vent - and she is venting here rather than at her DC...
My DD1 (younger than OPs DS) once weed in her pants during potty training and I laughed and said something about being like a puppy dog...
She then thought it was funny and for weeks deliberately weed in her pants - usually went outside thankfully. I calmly dealt with it thinking she would stop...explaining it wasn't acceptable etc. Didn't work. And it had become a habit

My patience finally went when we were coming back from nursery and she stopped at the bottom of the path, spread her legs and weed. (It isn't just their clothes it goes in their shoes too - at the time new leather ones from clarks - not cheap nor washable.) Even then it took a week or so to get her to stop ...I asked the nursery to leave her in her wet clothes until she was cold and uncomfortable - they refused - tantamount to child abuse apparently. I bought her special pants she could have if she kept her pants dry - didn't work - nor did keeping her special pants dry while wearing them (I actually threw them in the dustbin in front of her - then sneakily retrieved them later).
Didn't have MN to rant on - but if I did it would have been similar to OPs post - didn't say it to DC though. And not only did I regret my joke - but I regretted not being harsher after she had done once or twice - like I said it became a habit...
OP I do agree when he gets it right - uses the potty - phone relatives, friends, take photos of it - we sang wee wee or poo poo on the potty to the tune of 'lets all do the congo' for every pee/poo from DD2 -
And DD2 was a breeze potty training - dry day and night before she was 3 because she wanted to be (refused to wear nappies at night 'just in case'), has literally wet the bed twice in her 7 yrs. If I hadn't had DD1 I wouldn't have known what the fuss over potty training was about...

Plans for the day are to get my car fixed and stay in to deal with potty training. We might all go for a walk down to the park in a bit if the fog lifts.

The kids are happy, healthy, being Very naughty and above anything I wish today I had the space with them at nursery so I could take the dog for a long walk, tidy the house and clean the piss off the sofa but that isn't going to happen.

Joy.