I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

This thread went on for several hours. Many many posters offered advice and encouraged the OP to calm down and try to be understanding towards her son. The OP didn't calm down. Became abusive even more and stood by the way she spoke about him. So your idea to be compassionate and talk the OP down clearly wasn't working earlier was it.

Some people are just nasty pieces of work and will justify themselves any way they can. Which is made easier by people who give the sympathetic head nod and say there there it is so hard for you, it's not your fault.

As I said earlier given how enraged the OP was during this thread and she was still dealing with her son (as she was posting updates on his disgusting behaviour) do you honestly think she was able to keep all that rage hidden?

You say she has done a good thing putting her vitriol on here which is protecting her son from it.
What happens next time say if her internet goes down?
There is nobody at home to vent her rage at other than her son?
Where do you think it may be directed to?

Having this much rage towards a child even if it was directed to a forum and not to him is not right, not healthy and raises concerns for me.

And the frustration is they obviously have the control..and choose (for whatever reason makes sense in a small child's brain ) not to co-operate...
it isn't personal OP but I know it feels like it...

Good luck with hiding that level of fury, hatred and disdain from a child.

They are like radio receivers and they know.

Given the astonishing lack of insight the OP has shown regarding her own behaviour I am rather sceptical about her claims regarding her children's state of mind.

To paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies "well she would say that wouldn't she?"

I had compassion for the OP, which has weakened as time goes by.
My compassion for the OP's vunerable child has strengthened, however.
The OP's aggression when referring to her very young child is a red flag, of course it is.
The OP appears unable to consistently understand that her child may not be 'doing this on purpose to get at her' but is in fact a young child and needs patience love and TIME to get the hang of this critical stage of development. Sadly instead it is all about how angry she feels.
Suggestions of how that anger might be getting in the way of achieving a faster more successful route to full 'potty training' have been met with denial and aggression. Suggestions about obtaining help to manage the anger have been met similarly.

Get him to help with clean up? It might help him learn consequences (it obviously won't be properly clean-you could do it with him or after), but at 3.8 he's old enough to miss a favourite programme or have to wait for a favourite activity because "we have to clean the wee up".
If handled right it's not punishment, just inconvenience that he won't want to keep repeating.

Look my son isn't being 'subjected' to anything at all. We had a nice weekend, bit shitty :grin: but nice all the same and Husband was here too.

Yesterday husband was not here and I dealt with son and son and dog alone, today I am alone again because the bloody car has completely broken and I am stuck here with the kids.

So it is a really, really stressful time for us all really but we are not a shouty family, it's not part of our behaviour towards each other, you can either believe that or not.

As I said earlier, there are lots of ways to get proactively involved in child welfare without winding someone up on an Internet forum because you 'care' so much. It is a waste of time.

The kids are fine, just about to have a midday snack and watching batman. No pity needed.

Also I really dislike this idea that I have not taken advice. I have taken a lot of advice from this thread and it is really working, so once again thanks for that.

OP you wound yourself up. You needed no help from anyone o here to do that.

YOU think the kids are fine. But than again YOU see nothing wrong with calling your son names and speaking about him in the most disgusting way I have ever heard/read. YOU also see nothing wrong with liking him to a dog. YOU see nothing wrong with sitting him on a potty for hours. YOU see nothing wrong with anything you have written on this thread.

It is OP all about YOU clearly.

He likes sitting on the potty. It is his own choice to sit on it.

He likes that it has Thomas on it , he likes that he can watch spiderman on it. He is 3, he simply won't do things he doesn't want to do.

I've put him on the potty outside of the family room and told him he will not be coming to join us until he has urinated. He can fucking stay there all day for all I care I am absolutely at the end of my tether with it all.

Yes OP sitting on the potty all day is clearly his choice.

Can you honestly say reading back on this thread that the way you have spoken about him is justifiable?

Granted we all get angry and frustrated with our children I have four and in the last 11 years they have tested my patience and my tolerance but at no point no matter what they have done (which includes purposefully breaking the washing machine and my bed in the same week!) have I ever wanted to talk about them the way you have on here. Over potty training a 3.8 yo for Christ sake!

This is not a thread about my anger. You seem to want to believe I have some poor tortured child , well carry on! Your choice I suppose. Just a very strange thing to want to believe.

"As I said earlier, there are lots of ways to get proactively involved in child welfare without winding someone up on an Internet forum because you 'care' so much. It is a waste of time."

Denial, lack of responsibility (its all about others winding you up, ie either your child or others on the internet), aggression. Again.

OP, you are not objective, by default. You cannot be, you are too close to it. You can choose to deny the concern felt by a large number of posters regarding YOUR behaviour. Sadly, your son has no choice in the matter, and nor will your next child (whom you are already planning to 'train' so he doesn't irritate you, regardless of the fact that he is a separate human being with individual needs).

You need help with your behaviour towards this child.
Please go and speak to a professional, not about 'potty training' but about your anger. Because, next year, it wont be potty training, it will be something else, then something else, then something else, for the next 16+ years.
As one challenge ends another begins and you need to be better equipped to face them.

No it is not a thread about your anger however because of how angry you have been it has in the most part over shadowed the original topic. That OP is down to you.

You call your son disgusting.
Liken him to a dog.
Leave him sat on a potty for hours.
Compare him to your friends children.
Use foul language to describe him over and over again.
Blame him entirely for his infant inability to potty train when you decide he should.

And you think it's strange that I am left with the impression that your incandescent rage will be having a direct impact on him?

You need to take a long hard look at yourself OP as I said in my previous post can you really justify how you have written about your child on here.

Given that you have chosen to ignore that same question which I asked in my PP I will take it as a no.

He WANTS to sit on a potty for hours, he CHOOSES to do it, to the point where I said 'sit on your potty out here with no distractions until you've used it and then come back in' he used it within five minutes.

Then I did the 'not asking him' thing I got from here and things have been a lot easier, I still maintain that is the key thing, without being asked he has no attention for not using the potty and doesn't put on his baby voice and act like a 1 year old. It's made it a lot easier

I've put him on the potty outside of the family room and told him he will not be coming to join us until he has urinated. He can fucking stay there all day for all I care I am absolutely at the end of my tether with it all.

How is this him choosing to sit on the potty?
You are contradicting yourself OP.

You still haven't addressed my question. Can you justify the way you have spoken about your son on here?

Yes or no.

For goodness sake! He is fine! He is eating jam on roast and chatting to me, you aren't here, you have no idea how he is and no, of course I wouldn't have left him outside all day (nor would he have stayed there) it's called VENTING and frankly he was better outside because he had played on my LAST nerve that day!

Now seriously, it's a new day, new shit to deal with and we are getting on with it, I don't know what benefits there are to bringing all this up again but I can tell you there is no benefit to my or my kids so I am not discussing it anymore.

FFS I promised I wouldn't get roped in to this petty ridiculous shit.

Jam on roast eh?

Probably time to hide the thread. Have more faith in your own parenting instincts, good luck with it all. He has made great progress and it sounds very positive.

It is very encouraging! If certain people would let me leave the past couple of days behind it would be bloody marvellous!

The benefits OP would be you realising that the way you spoke about your child was irrational and went far beyond venting.

The benefits OP would be you taking a calmer and more measured approach to dealing with your young sons behaviour and development.

The benefits OP would be for you to seek help with the issues you appear to have.

I am sorry if you think that aggressive behaviour is petty of ridiculous but it does go some way to show how you will not accept you went over the top and behaved appallingly. As a PP said you are clearly in denial about your anger which will in time have an impact on your children.

Oh and PULL the thread OP then you can forget forever the disgusting attitude you have shown to your son.

But I haven't shown him any aggression or nasty behaviour, he is proudly using the potty and if all the 'he must be too scared of you' brigade are to be believed then that shows very positive things...

Right now colouring and stories before the little one goes down for a nap and I sort the car out ready to be recovered.

I haven't the time to ready all 600+ replies, so apologies if this has already been suggested.

When he's sat on the potty and you're sure he's desperate for a wee, try giving him a balloon to blow up (or a whistle to blow). This may help relax his muscles down there and his wee might just sneak out because he can't physically hold it in. If he does a wee/poo, give him the biggest kiss and cuddle and make such a fuss. Reward him with whatever makes him happiest.

Good luck.

Ok so in between the vile you wrote on here and when you then went to deal with your son you were as cool and calm as a cucumber?
Really?
You are able to switch your rage on and off as easy as that?

You may want to believe that he is not affected by your rage but can you honestly say that's true.
I grew up with a very angry father. Loving but angry. Would fly off the handle at the littlest things. Never violent just ragey.

Years on I still remember it. Years on I still remember the fear I felt in case what ever I was doing/didn't do may send him in to a rage. On the outside and to him I was happy and content as were my siblings yet we all from time to time discuss how angry our father was and how it affected us.
My dad on the other hand is oblivious to how his rage affected us and when confronted with particular incidents he denies it, says he wasn't that bad, or he kept it from us by going upstairs/kitchen/garden.

Children pick up on much more than the spoken word. Try to remember that the next time you want to kill your child.

And yes I know you didn't mean literally.

OP, re read what Kudzugirl says just upthread:

"Good luck with hiding that level of fury, hatred and disdain from a child.
They are like radio receivers and they know.
Given the astonishing lack of insight the OP has shown regarding her own behaviour I am rather sceptical about her claims regarding her children's state of mind.
To paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies "well she would say that wouldn't she?"

Take this thread along when you seek help. It will be helpful for the HCP.