Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

People are entitled to their views, and you can’t make someone like a name you’ve chosen - but it was spectacularly stupid if them to say what they said when they don’t know what your name choices are.

Let it go now. Don’t comment on it otherwise you’ll come under pressure. Work out how to announce it after the birth, and ideally send the message out to the other grandparents or your siblings as well. eg
Charles Willliam Smith arrived at 10.15 this morning weighing in at 7 lbs 3 oz. Mum and baby both doing well xx

Hopefully other relatives will reply along the lines of ‘wonderful news, welcome to the world, baby Charles, can’t wait to meet you.

If anyone comments negatively on the name on the group message they will not look good. If they send a private message criticising it, your options are (a) ignore the message, and (b) tell them if they want to meet the baby they will accept the name and keep the comments to themselves.

In fact I’d be taking a positive approach to the fact that you know now - you have time to plan your response.

It’s a nice name. Stick with it. Your parents will grow to love it because they will love their grandchild.

When you tell them (assuming you have a boy - 50% chance of this not being an issue) say to them ‘We’ve named him Charles, Charlie for short. We know you don’t love this name but we do and we hope you will grow to as he’s your grandson’. I bet they’ll be besotted with him and the name straight away.

I can't see how you could be hurt, they were unaware you wanted to use that name. Lots of people when chatting would having would share that they dislike a certain name, but would be polite and keep their views to themselves with anyone actually using the name. It's unfortunate but not their fault.

Oh, that's awkward, I'm sorry! I think I'd have to change the name. I couldn't cope with knowing for sure that my parents hated my child's name.

OP it's a totally inoffensive name!!
I'm guessing they perhaps knew somebody who had that name that they disliked and therefore associate that name with an unpleasant person.
I am not overly fussed about the names of both my grandchildren don't dislike the names but they are not my choice however my grandchildren are thoroughly delightful 😊
You stick with the name you like!

Not me - and I think you’re going have to toughen up a bit because there will be other issues later on that they will almost certainly comment on - childcare choices; school choice; activities your DC wants to do etc. You need to develop a thick skin if you have opinionated parents … what matters is what you and DH agree on. DP/PIL are not going to think every choice you make is wonderful.

My mum hated the name we had chosen so we changed it. I regret changing it and wish we’d kept the first name and told dm to just put up with it.
The name you have chosen is lovely and a million times better than a lot of the names you hear these days.

Just saw what the name is. Truthfully it's one of those names I don't like, so I'm probably in the same camp as your parents. It's along the lines of William, Wilfred, Frederick, the Victorian uncles names. Sorry.

I think you are being utterly ridiculous. They didnt know you had chosen the name

This situation is entirely different because your partner has still said something rude ABOUT you knowingly.

They have no idea you want to use this name, they have expressed an opinion on a name that to their knowledge doesn’t impact you or anyone else- we all have names we don’t like.

😂

What a strange name to go on a rant about, I guess they are quite opinionated as Charles/Charlie is a very standard name.

I think I'd choose the name, and let them know at some point that you know they don't like it but you love it, and they will backpedal and this will all be over.

Well you know your parents are being both hideously judgemental and ridiculous to have said what they said. Once the baby is born and you call it Charles if it's a boy you can tell them you love the name whatever they think and that's what matters.

My parents had previously mentioned that they thought it was ridiculous to name a child a nickname without giving them a 'full proper name' to fall back on, and specifically mentioned Alfie as an example of one of these ridiculous names. I later called DS2 Alfie and they said they loved the name for him and he suited it so well and they couldn't imagine him being called anything else, so either they were lying to me or just totally changed their mind when it was their own grandchild with one of these ridiculous names.

I also know Alfie is a widely hated name on MN, it comes up in every 'most hated names threads'

@Bringbackbuffy OP if you love the name go for it. I gave my daughter a name that my mum hated and told me that she is going to hate it and it’s not a “normal” name, you should pick a different name and all that jazz. My husband’s name also wasn’t so keen but more respectful in their response. I still love it, she loves it and I’m glad I stuck to my guns

Stanley

Read this after posting. it’s your baby. And it’s a perfectly normal name for a baby and an adult. I wonder what they would think of my kids names! They would have a meltdown. Do what you want

I suspect they prefer Charles to Charlie. And may see Charlie as slightly less grown up or indeed ‘proper’. Charlie in their era ( depending on age) may have connotations of being associated with peeps slightly rough around the edges. Charles will not.

My mum was dead against my daughter’s name - only two kids in the country had been given it the year before so she thought it was made up and went on a tirade about how mean it is to give made up names to a child. Now she beams when people compliment the name and tells them all about some Lady who had it a few hundred years ago in our area. I am not sure if it grew on her or because she discovered it was a real name that had gone out of usage rather than being made up. Either way everyone seems to like the name now and it sparks conversations- a few younger kids in the area have the name too now. I secretly hated my friend’s kids name and my niece and nephew’s but they have all grown on me! You’re the parent, you decide!

Tell them you’re thinking of calling him Barry or Ethelred or something ridiculous and the name you’ve chosen will undoubtedly suit babies all of a sudden.

Ralph’s a penis name

I don't hate Alfie. It's cute.
I don't see the point of having a special name for forms, medical appointments and court appearances.

I think it would be a good idea to tell your parents to stop discussing names in front of you because it's going to be awkward if they diss a name you are planning to use. When their grandchild is born they will love them and be proud of them, if they are decent people.
PS I know a Charlie. He was a beautiful baby, a lovely child and is now a super adult, hard-working, polite, considerate and a very-involved parent.

My ILs think you call firstborn boys after their father and first born girls after their grandmother or something,

Are you my SIL @Poulaphooka ?

My DP was named after his father, as all the first-born boys had been for several generations. The elder of his sisters had the grandmother's first name.

DP refused to follow suit when his son was born and his parents were really pissed off. The "family name" wasn't used until the younger of his 2 sisters had a son, and MIL felt it didn't really count because he had a different surname.

MIL was really pissed off when none of the girl GCs got the GM's name, one of them having it as a middle name just isn't good enough, apparently.

Charles/Charlie is a perfectly acceptable and nice name. You don't need your parents judgement on this, it's totally mean of them to have a strong opinion.

Our DS is called Alfie, my FIL's response was " Fucksake, fucking hell, another fucking Alfie". We have another Alfie in the family who is a bit of a troublemaker, and that's even my son required a NICU stay for being premature and sepsis. We obviously didn't change our mind, but it certainly pissed me off that was his response. My PIL have form for being terribly judged. My sympathies you've found their thoughts on the name upsetting