Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

But that’s their specific taste, which will be subjective, generational etc etc. You’re naming your baby. They had their shot when they had babies.

All four of our parents hated our DS’s name, but that was neither a surprise nor a shock given the dreary names they’d saddled their children with.

My ILs think you call firstborn boys after their father and first born girls after their grandmother or something, and there was also a set of rules for subsequent children, so you only get to actually choose a name freely if you have quite a large family.

After growing up in a household that had, at one point, no less than four boys/men with the same first name and surname (my dad, granddad, great-uncle and brother) and being one of five girls with the same name in a class of 30 throughout primary, that was never going to wash with me.

Use the name you love. They will adjust.

So if it's something like Ralph or Edward then it isn't a "chavvy" or a footballer's/influencer's kid name I presume? Maybe that's the problem and they'd prefer Jayden, Keegan or Tyler or something of that ilk!

Problem with sharing the name is that the whole thread derails into a discussion about whether the name is MN approved, rather than actually helping the OP with their situation

You are not giving us much wiggle room to help here op!

You are sad they don't like it, BUT you don't want to change it, so we can't help with suggesting alternatives.

You are determined to keep it, but don't want to give them time to get used to it, and not dig themselves deeper with their comments.

Then you've suggested Edward and Ralph, the first of which is completely classic and inoffensive and the second of which is quite a Marmite name.

And we don't know what it is ... sorry, that was unfortunate they said that but we really can't suggest anything.

If it's Ralph, how are you pronouncing it? I know the Ralph/Rafe thing is devisive. Personally I think Rafe sounds too close to rape.

It isnt Ralph. I just wanted to say it’s a classic, basically British name with no unusual or quirky spelling. Vintage revival, but always been in fashion.

If you really are committed to using that name if you have a boy, I personally think you have to bring it up with them as a) it sounds like they need to be told they were being rude and judgemental if you didn’t say in the moment and b) it would be really weird and awkward to use it when you and they both know what they think of it and it would put a cloud over the introduction of the baby.

I think it’s worth saying something like - because of your rudeness and judgemental behaviour we’ve had no choice but to bring up our choice of name earlier than we’d wanted. So they understand you’re not changing it but that you just want the air cleared before the baby is born.

Once your lovely baby is here, they will become used to the name and associate it with their beloved grandkid, and probably end up not being able to imagine him or her being called anything else

Could it be to do with something from their generation that younger people aren’t aware of? I was thinking Myra for example as there’s the moors murderers connection. I wouldn’t worry, use the name and they’ll grow to love your unique child.

Your baby your choice and if they utter one disparaging syllable then make you views clear.

My parents (and me, tbh) really don't like my sibling's choice of names for their children. Their names are unusual though. But we love the children and now they are just their names.

I hate many very normal, popular names as I find them clunky or make me think of specific associations. I've mentioned it to friends before as we like discussing names but if they used one it wouldn't affect how I felt about the child either.

Different generations like different names. You'll never find a name everyone likes.

I had this when I was pregnant with DC1. We had a girl name and a boy name picked and DM said how awful our girl name was. It was really upsetting at the time. DC turned out to be a boy, when I was pregnant with DC2 we picked a different girl name. I just couldn't have named my DC something that I knew her DGM hated

It will grow on them OP. Don't let that put you off. We can't all like the same names.

They’ve done nothing wrong. Up to you whether you change it or not.

This.
Not normal behaviour IMO.
Start gently moving back in preparation that you have tough days ahead.
Sorry!

They’ll get used to it.

They've actually done you a favour as you know how they truly think about the name. It doesn't in any way stop you from using it, but you won't be under any illusions that they love it as much as you do when you introduce their grandchild to them. That's why this forum is so treasured by many: because you get honest opinions from strangers rather than just hearing what your loved ones say out loud, but not knowing what they really think.

That said, for a name like Edward, it's weird of them to suggest that it doesn't suit a baby or an adult, when there have been hundreds of thousands of people - including several kings - who have gone through life with that perfectly normal name.

Are you sure that it's 'like Edward'? I'm just amazed that anybody would feel so strongly about a common traditional name along those lines. They may find it a bit boring and 'safe', but actually ranting about how much they hate it?!

Hopefully they will have the good sense not to say anything negative once the baby is born.

My DS has a similar vintage revival name and I think older people find it unusual because they associate it with people of their own age or older, not a baby.

I suppose for people in their 30s like me it would be the same feeling if you came across a baby named Kayleigh, Louise, Mark, Jonathan or similar. It doesn’t “feel” like a baby’s name to me.

I do have some sympathy as it’s come up without you asking them. Normally people tell others their names before the baby is here and so people give opinions.

I don’t think it’s mean to dislike certain names. They obviously weren’t thinking you were going to use it.

Just to add a thought… it might be that your parents know someone with this name, that they really dislike.

I know that if I know an annoying or horrid person with a name, it affects how I think of the name. Yes, I know it’s irrational, but humans are. My DH really wanted a particular name for DS. It was the name of a bully at my primary school. DS was not given that name.

if you do choose this name, it might be worth tipping them off before the birth to get them used to it.

No, they were talking about the name itself, not that it reminded them of anyone.

I don’t think there’s a solution. I am just really really hurt. I wanted them to love every little thing about our baby- it feels like if it is a boy they have taken the shine off the announcement because I’ll know they hate the name.

I had this from my mum with my first born, I don’t mind naming her … she’s called Tabitha which is a bit of a marmite name but my mum went all out phoning my husband, my dad, grandad and tried to get them on side. If it wasn’t bad enough that we’d had a bad journey with miscarriages, I had to have an operation and a D&C together when they found an ovarian cyst, couldn’t convince after than for 1.5 years, another miscarriage then tabby embryo stuck and she was born … it was a horrific few years. I relayed that to my DB to reason with her and she didn’t back down. After we named her, one of her middle names was after my mum and she called and asked me to change that middle name too because she never liked it … honestly, I’d swear she was demented, but she was always very vocal.
use your name and stuff them, my DD loves her name and her nick name tabby

I don't understand how it's hurtful if it wasn't directed towards you. They aren't mind readers and had no intent to hurt anyone by being free with their opinion in the company of their family.

Oh do fuck off.
People can have opinions and likes that oppose yours and it doesn't mean they are horrible people or need to aplogise for anything.
Their attitude??? Seriously? For having a different opinion??
Holy fuck.

Ah I see. It's kind of difficult to advise without knowing the name and what they dislike about it. Are other people likely to have the same thoughts on the name and will it get them teased? Something like Winston. It will probably grow on them once they have a grandchild with that name but you'll always know thier initial thoughts on the name.