Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

I told my parents the names once the kids were born. I knew they'd have opinions otherwise. I'm sure they still have opinions but once presented with a grandchild, they've not shared those opinions with me which I'll take as a win

The comments here are personal to you. Someone expressing their opinion on a name is not personal to anyone. It is unfortunate that you had chosen the name and that they didn’t know this when expressing their opinion. Unfortunate, but not hurtful.

Not everyone will like your choice of name, I don't like the name my best friend called her daughter but I haven't told her.
It's unfortunate you have found it out they don't like your choice but it isn't really any of their business what you choose to call your child.

Thank you for ‘force my face into submission’, which I am going to shamelessly borrow. Probably quite often.

DS 14, goes to school with a Charlie. Definitely not posh. Nobody has ever said anything negative about his name as far as I know. It's just a normal name. Go for it.

I’m assuming this must be your first baby, because there’s likely to be someone expressing their dislike to your actual face once the baby’s born. Just shrug it off!

I’m honestly stumped as to why your parents think Charles/Charlie is unsuitable for a baby or adult.

One of my sons is called Charlie (it’s Charlie on his bc too), he’s now an adult but it’s always suited him.
I also know a number of other Charlie’s, the youngest being a baby and the oldest probably in his 80’s.

If you want Charlie use it, we made the mistake of changing our oldest’s name after being ‘told’ to by someone who should have had absolutely no say at all.

Charles? Charlie? How is this a name anyone could get overly bothered by. Weird

So the name of His Majesty the King.

Your parents are ridiculous. Nothing wrong with not liking it of course, and we
used to have a dog called Charlie, but to say it doesn’t suit a child or an adult is just bloody stupid.

Ralph gets pronounced 'Rafe' a lot of the times and Rafe itself has become quite popular.

Their comments seem unkind to you because you already picked the name for your DC, but they don’t know this. Presumably they haven’t shared their views with the parents of this other baby and they may be mortified at they said when the realise you have picked this name and tell you they love it.

When I told my mum that we had called our youngest son X her response was “hmmm, I always liked Y as a name”. I told her “never mind, we called him X” and she’s never forgiven us and gets his name wrong at every opportunity. 🤣

To be honest, I have never met an adult and ever thought twice about their name. This is something that parents fixate on but other people really don’t. Stick with the name you have chosen. Your parents will either love it or come around, but if they’re decent people they’ll never mention it in a negative way.

The name that my DD had at the top of her list when she was pregnant, was definitely out there, and would have had anyone over 65 laughing their heads of and breaking into song. I didn't say I disliked it, but of course when she mentioned it to people who weren't worried about teasing her, she got that reaction. But she didn't seem too bothered.

So I spent the rest of her pregnancy trying to learn to like it, and playing with shortened versions that I hoped she might end up with (which actually were really nice). Then when the baby arrived, they called her something else!

But yes, during that period, family members definitely shared their feelings about the name, just among ourselves and reassured each other that we'd get used to it. But also hoping that the DGD wouldn't get teased.

Is it more like Edward or more like Ralph? Don’t say what the name actually is but Ralph and Edward could hardly be more different.

They didn't even know that was the name you chose. I would choose a different name if they think its that terrible.

Commenting on a new baby's name is normal everywhere. Your parents happened to comment on a name they don't particularly like. Unfortunate that you heard but they weren't out to hurt you as they had absolutely no knowledge that you were going to choose that name . You are being spectacularly over sensitive.

I think Charlie is lovely and suits all ages! Was it Charles or Charlie that the other couple had called their baby and did your parents have a problem with both?

I can see why someone would think Charles is a bit of an old man’s name for a baby but Charlie ages really well!

Ah, I think maybe you should reframe this as “I am upset” rather than hurt. Of course, it’s understandable you are upset to hear your parents unpleasant thoughts about the name you’ve chosen. But hurt implies they did something wrong, when they weren’t to know.

Yes - this.

OP - I get that you were hoping they would like the name if you ever use it (you might only have a girl/girls and this might all be academic). You've found out that they don't like it. You can't make them like it. If they'd never said anything and the you'd told them that this was your favourite boys name, they still would have quietly hated it.

You can keep the name or change it, but it would be massively unreasonable to be upset with them for expressing their dislike of a name that you had not told them you were thinking about using.

We called our first baby Seth and my mum commented that it reminded her of Seth from Emmerdale! I could tell she didn’t like it but a year later she admitted she couldn’t imagine him with any other name. It’s annoying when there’s preconceptions but if you like it ignore them. Nothing wrong with Charlie!

Lady Chatterley springs to mind!

Charles of course is timeless.
Years ago there was a phrase when someone messed up they were ‘a right Charlie’. So it wasn’t a complimentary name to acquire.
It is more common these days.
They may prefer Charles as the formal name, but Charlie for day to day ?

I wouldn’t worry. The child is who they will love.

I couldn't bear that name!

What is wrong with Charles? It's your PILs who are being a bit odd.

And Charlie is very sweet.

How are they being odd?

No one can possibly like all names. Both yourself and the op will have names you are also not fond of.

All they've done is said they don't like the name. It's hardly odd behaviour.

This is so strange. I have never heard of someone being so devastatingly "hurt" by an opinion not directed at or about them.

I can't fathom it, actually. It seems so inappropriate to the situation.