Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

Just go with the name you like and ignore everthing else. Don't take it to heart. We all like different things. You may have voiced a dislike for stuff in the past that secretly upset friends and family that loved said thing.

Your name could seem ridiculous to 99% of people but you, DH and child are among the few that love it. Equally you could chose a name that the majority of society love but then your child finds boring.

It is a great name OP. One of my son's closest friends is called Charlie. I had the same reaction by my parents and my MIL didn't like my DD name when she was born. All my dc's have old fashioned names and we love them. My dc's like their names and I couldn't of cared less what my parents/MIL thought. At the time I was going to add something really ridiculous for their middle name just to wind them up but didnt think it would of been fair on my children.

Being of a certain age Alfie is the godawful film, and Alf is Garnett. Which is why I said much earlier some of us think of things like that when names are mentioned and just can't get past it.
And if you give a child the full version of the name they can choose, give them the short version it's hard to do that. I have a relative who was given the short version, hated it and decided to just call herself by the long version, which was OK until she died and the death certificate has 'otherwise known' as on it.

Nasty?
My mum didn't like one of my choices... in fact, come to think of it she didn't like several of them lol. Also- neither did my husband so thinking about it they maybe were a bit random.
It wasn't 'nasty' or designed to 'hurt' me. It was simply her opinion.
(Good job I never went with the original one... I ended up with a horse the same name 😂)
Ultimately... its YOUR child- its YOUR decision.
Don't let your parents sway you.
(I still think you're insane to let it bother you so much but I guess thats likely hormones )

The bottom line is, do you love the name enough not to care that your parents hate it? Or will it always be tainted by their comments? Obviously it would be a shame not to use a name you love, but the question is whether you’ll still love it with that conversation in mind.

I think it also makes a difference how your parents are likely to react if you do use it. Are they the kind of people likely to think “Oh shit - weren’t we saying it was awful a few weeks ago?” and feel mortified about it? Or are they likely to say “Charles?! CHARLES?! Are you serious? That’s awful; we were only saying so the other week!”? Again, you don’t have to let that dictate your decision - but if you think they might be embarrassed that they unwittingly slated your name choice, it might be something that just gets forgotten with time.

Your parents are chatting total rubbish! My one year old son is called Charlie, and he's named after my (still alive and kicking!) 91 year old Grandad, and the name suits them both!
I know I am biased but Charlie really is a lovely name for a boy, he's our Cheeky Charlie!

Also to add a certain amount of negative opinions is healthy for testing your resolve on the name.

I loved DS name for about 10 years before I even met DW. It was always my number 1 name and I knew family and friends wouldn't care for it. Thankfully DW agreed. I have never had a single ounce of doubt over the name even when family and friends raised an eyebrow. I almost pitied them that they didn't find it as awesome as I did!

It’s just a name! You’re taking it personally and too seriously as though they’ve slapped you and called your baby ugly. They’re humans who dislike a name and discussed it not knowing you like that name. They didn’t do it to cause you personal harm.

Ignore it.

MIL hated DD1 name - learnt after she was born and b/c done - and she told us and had a go at us - despite us having a reason for choice. She got over it and can't image her named anything else. DD2 name was fine as older family mostly dead had name - but we weren't asking opinions there either and it's never been mentioned since.

The name's made no difference in how the kids were treated.

You have to decide what is more important to you - the name, or your parents approval. If the former, stick with the name. If the latter, choose a different name.
There are plenty of very good names out there.
Or put Charles as the second name (and then call him that!).

(But really, why did you listen to the shit they chatted at the time? That was your opportunity to say 'Oi, that's the name we love, so keep yer beaks out, parents! They probs would have shut up (and if they didn't, well there's no pleasing some folk)

I'd.just ignore them and use the name. They'll get used to it.

Both of my children have names that are contentious, my eldest more so. Most people were polite about it but a few were like "why have you named them that!". But they eventually grew to be ok with it, and I still love it.

That’s an awesome name. It was my Dad’s name and the name of one of my sons. My son (adult now) has always loved his name and it was really quite an unusual choice when he was born. Nobody liked my choice for ds3, not even my mother, but we went ahead and everyone loves it now and it’s become quite popular. Go with it. They will grow to love it.

Agreed, Forever 😜

Call him whatever you want. My midwife commented on my now 18 year olds name as an old mans name not a baby name, which it technically was after my father who was born in 1939. I just laughed and told her those old men were babies too at one point. It suited him perfectly as he's been an old soul since day dot.

Really!???

I did not expect that.

A more normal, traditional, safe, tried-and-tested name is hard to think of.

If it's good enough for the King ...!

That said, I'm not a fan of George especially, but I'd never wonder why people chose it: again, it's safe, sensible, if anything too boring and safe.

But Charles I do like, and I think it works very well for both a little boy and a man.

Don't change it! It's great. Doesn't get used enough in its Charles form imo.

Nothing at all wrong with the names Charles/Charlie. Perfect for either children or adults.

As I said in my earlier post, ignore them and use the name without further comment. If they do recall their ridiculous rant then just tell them bluntly that you disagree, his name is Charles/Charlie and they will have to get used to it.

I wouldn't bother wasting time being hurt by this.

Ralph I've seen people call their dogs, same as Dave. Seems to be in fashion. But Edward is nice because Eddie, Ed is really friendly shortening. It's also not that common now, which is nice I think.

Go with whatever you want, it's your child, not theirs and please, tell them to keep a lid on it. It really truly isn't about them.

Edited to ad - Charlie, love it. Timeless and again friendly.

We announced our name along with the baby and my mother immediately said she didn’t like it. The fun part is that she thought I’d automatically change it - rather than say “well that’s a shame, better start getting used to it”. She’s fine with it now and would probably deny that she said it.

(she did similar with wedding stuff including insulting the dress I had chosen to make me change it. I no longer care about her opinions, she named me a really boring name and her house is not to my taste but I can hold that in.)

I was going to guess Rupert (which I like).

there is nothing wrong with Charles/charlie. I like it, it’s a fairly popular name. I can sort of see Charles not suiting a baby but Charlie does (it suits all ages) and Charles gives the ability for something more distinguished.

Charlie is a lovely name. They will get used to it and will forget they’ve ever said they didn’t like it.

Yes, I think Charles, Edward and Henry are probably all round the three best boys' names, when all is taken into consideration.

Strong and classic, elegant without being wet or sappy, all shorten well, not overused.

I do slightly prefer Charles to Charlie, which is a little more popular of late, but I see them temptation to use it, especially when he is only little.

I understand you’re upset but this isn’t a true analogy. To be analogous to what you have said here it would be the equivalent of your parents knowing you are going to use it as the baby’s name and saying to a third party how much they hated the name and then you finding out. That would be equivalent to what you described about calling a known person fat.

for what is worth I like the name Charlie and if you love it your parents will get on board.

You really need to tell them ahead of time. They are allowed to express dislike for a name them had no idea you intended to use.

Our feeling towards names are also changeable.

I’ve been around a long time and my taste in names has changed a lot over the years. Your parents may not be super keen now but give it time and I bet they change their minds.

Charles is a great name.

Perfectly lovely name for a little boy.

Keep the name. You could suggest any number of different names and they may not like them.
What do you do? Choose something they approve?? That would be ridiculous.

But I can see how disappointing it is that they voiced a negative opinion.

I stupidly told my mother the name I had chosen for a boy if I had one - she made her negative feelings quite clear and I still regret not naming our son that. Your mother will get used to it in time.

Charlie or Charles is a great name! Don't be put off.