Immense baby name regret

[SLNM]

Baby is 3 months old, and I have started to regret her name. We named her Desiree (which is a name that DH had suggested). It is mainly the comments of others that are causing my regret. When we go to the shops, we get reactions that seem negative when someone asks what her name is. My parents do not like her name. I want to change her name but am not certain that I will be able to convince DH. It doesn't help that she is likely to be our only child (which only makes the regret stronger).

We had considered Isabel, Jacqueline, Lucy, and Scarlett as well, but DH wasn't as keen on those as I was. What would you do?

Wren isn't a nickname for Renée.

What a load of bollocks!

I know a Dieudonnee (Holland) and she’s white and fabulous and the meaning of it just makes me feel warm inside knowing how her parents thought of her when they named her.

a name is a name, it’s not like it’s an ethnic name where there’s no correlation to anything, it’s not a wine or something trying to be something it’s not.

I agree. If you can’t shake the feeling you need to change it asap.

I would very much take what your DH says with a pinch of salt. Sorry but I think you should have final say. My worry is that you are really not sure what name you like…surely there’s a girls name you always fancied for a daughter? I had my daughter aged 38, I named her a name I had liked since I was about 12. Ignore your DH and think back to names you’ve always loved. Or family names. You need to love it. Picture yourself at your daughter’s primary school and saying ‘This is Lucy’ on the first day. You want to be proud as punch of that name.

Having a hard to pronounce or hard to spell name does make life harder and can affect work or job opportunities.

This is true. There are 2 different issues with the name - it's hard to pronounce and it does sound like a performer's stage name.

When people say they don't like the name on here, that it has particular associations for them, they're probably not being mean but trying to give you honest feedback. Certainly I personally am dreading getting flack from people who'll say it's mean to criticise the name. It'd be easier to just scroll on by. But those of us who have come from poverty might have a different perspective. I'm glad to have a name which is not associated with any class, as I've moved through many different social groups in my years. It feels like one less thing for people to use to pigeonhole you.

Names which are hard to pronounce are a particular challenge and cause people to avoid using your name. Who knows what effects this might have further down the line? My ExH named one of our children a name from his country which puts hard UK pronounce in English. DS used an anglicised version at school and uni, though now he's an adult he has chosen to use his full name at work. I love the fact that he has the choice. Desirée doesn't leave many straightforward options except perhaps Raye, but that in itself is confusing as a girl's name. If your DH is totally set on keeping the name then I'd use Raye personally.

How about adding in another name, which your DD could have added to her official documents later? I have a middle name which my parents didn't put on my birth certificate because it's very unusual, and they were worried it would be embarrassing. Instead I got 2 classic names. But nobody needs to know what's on the official documents most of the time, and I like the unusualness of my wacky name, though I'd not want it as my first name. I decided to make it official and it was easy. I made a Statutory Declaration that I was using the name as one of my middle names, and got it added to my passport and driving licence etc.

Thanks. That song was a recent track on a popular Les Mills exercise programme, so everyone was singing it, and I'd only just got the lyrics out of my head!
OP, if you aren't happy, which it sounds like you're not, then I would change it sooner rather than later. Your husband has a right to have his view taken seriously, but you BOTH have to be happy with the name.

Perhaps the OP is black in which case it may not matter as much?

Lovely name. Keep it. I do hear you with the baby name regret. It’s hard but I think whatever you choose it’s common to feel this a bit.

We changed one of our DCs names at 6 weeks. If you really feel strongly about changing to a different name then I would do it.

My son is called George. There's another 3 Georges in his class so they all get called by full name. It makes me laugh when he's playing with his friends and they call him by his full name even when no other Georges are present. At least you know her name is unique and won't be confused with other children. I regret now not using my other choice.

I think that's an absolutely GORGEOUS name!!

Jacqueline, on the other hand, sounds like a middle aged woman.

Why not just all her "Dee" for short and in introducing her to new people?

My mother's sister was Desiree. Although she was always called Desi.

Beautiful name. Not remotely chavvy or young-coded. Very cool and classy and elegant.

Desiree Armfield is the character in A Little Night Music who sings Send in the Clowns. The great song of middle-aged heartbreak and regret.

I really like Desiree. I'd keep it if it's only others who have problems with it. It's unusual and the nicknames which go with it are cute too.

IRL I have a name which codes me as something I'm really really not as do my DC (all for different reasons). It's not making our lives remotely difficult.

Desiree Joy is gorgeous and people are idiots. Ignore them.

Do you know, I wasn’t sure I liked it at first but reading this thread has totally changed my mind! I love it! It’s unusual in a good way - a name she can really own. And Joy is 😍😍😍 DJ is about the coolest nickname a little girl could possibly have imo. Think you just need to settle into it and find the nickname she’ll go by and before you know it that will just be her.

Desiree is unusual, but recognisable, pretty yet not cutesy. I wouldn't have thought of it but it's really lovely.

Stick to your guns. I think loads of baby names seem a bit weird on a little baby but when they've grown into them it's fine.
My youngest has an unusual name and I'm sure some people think it's awful but I don't... plus I'm starting to see people in the public eye with it now which is somehow a bit validating!

We have a very different name, it's popular in the US I image, but here especially where we live (think the shire!) it's extremely uncommon, when I was pregnant and told people they would pull faces, so I stopped telling people. I adore the name and if anyone has a problem with it, I don't care. No way another name would suit them!

Do you like her name? Or is it the reaction of others you don't like? If you generally don't like the name, then ofc see about changing it... Or find a nickname that sticks. A friend named her daughter after her husband's mother but didn't really like the name, so she goes by the nickname! Everyone uses the nickname and she is almost 25 now!

Wasn’t Desiree the fat black woman on Little Britain that stole Bubbles Devere’s husband at the spa?

yeah I’d change it pronto 😄

Maybe check OP's posts. V useful post from @Serenissimissima I thought challenging other posters' assumptions.

Loving some of the shortenings people are suggesting. Desi, Ray, so sweet. I guess we might have added Siri once upon a time, but not so much now.

I love Desiree Joy. Wishing for Joy it means. That is really quite beautiful.

Oh yes, and this.

I think you need to speak to DH and decide together what you want to do

I dont like it but if you do I dont think you should change it because of other people

It's a good name for weeding out twatty attitudes like this - look at it that way OP.

I think Desiree is a great name. Desiree Joy is even better because they're quite contrasting. And in 15 years she'll call herself whatever she wants anyway.

People make their names - their names don't make them.