Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

I didn't say that CPS doesn't exist. They weren't involved in my case though

You certainly could have involved them yourself. How did you contact them and what did they say as to why they refused to be involved? Their number would have been available immediately on Googling, and if you are able to look after a child, you are able to Google their number and contact them (as in your parents being on holiday is not an excuse).

For the court to make a custody decision there would have been professionals involved in evaluations.

You'd be obsessed with fairness too, if this happened to you. And you find out years later, that this could've been prevented with CPS involved

He never wanted me to grow up before though

So why should I care when he needs help? Why lie in the first place? Massive double standards

What does your dad have to do with your decision to move out and leave your daughter behind with your in-laws?

I didn't know what to do and had no supports.

@XelaM The answer is nothing. However, it seems so much easier for OP to fixate on the fact someone else is to blame and absolve themselves of any actions.

I may have this wrong as the narrative has been a bit disjointed, but I read it as OP had the child in question in her 30’s. Circumstances were then that neither OP, nor her DH (babies father) were in a position to care for the child. The court, who doesn’t take these things lightly, and would have had the facts, as opposed to the snippets OP has revealed here, ordered that the child remain with the in-laws.

This is apparently all the fault of OP’s father, firstly for not giving her a car, which realistically would have solved nothing but just kicked the can down the road somewhat. Secondly, because her parents were on a holiday while she left her child behind at the in-laws, so she couldn’t have been expected to know what to do (her thought process). The finale is that, still 10 years on, OP is not living or supporting herself, or another child she has subsequently had, but is being housed and supported by her father. The same father she asks why she should care about as he is evil. Frankly, I would think he has the patience of Job. Somehow the CPS equivalent in her State has also made an entry into being at fault for having no involvement, even though in any State I’m aware of they would be involved in a court process removing custody from parents. The focus on the same father, and how she has supposedly been wronged is also paramount to her taking any steps to increase access with her first child.

CPS wasn't involved. That's the whole point. If U knew what I know now, I would've involved them immediately

That’s rubbish. Services were involved. They had to have been involved if there was a court process to remove custody from parents and give custodial rights to someone else. It’s literally impossible for services not to have been involved for this to happen. You are not listening.

Maybe your confusion is that they are not called CPS. The CPS service is called different things in different States/Territories, and the name does tend to change over the years. That’s irrelevant really though as an instant Google would tell you what they are named in your State. That’s also irrelevant as you can’t tell them they weren’t involved when they likely were - again, courts don’t remove custody lightly, there is a process and these services are involved. Maybe you were in a state of mind where they believed they couldn’t engage with you? Who knows. At this point, it’s irrelevant as whinging about them is not going to do anything. You keep fixating on two issues, yet do nothing to move forward. You can write a million posts about your father and a car, and CPS not finding you and handing your child over, but that will achieve nothing. Your refusal to instead devote your time and energy into getting yourself to a place where a court would deem you competent to independently support yourself and your children, with a view to gaining enhanced access is absolutely baffling.

They were never involved. I think I know- I was there and I have the paperwork to prove it!

So your in-laws waltzed into a court one day, there were no reports, no assessments, no formal services involved and a judge just gave them full custody. That would be unheard of.

Irrespective, if you wanted them involved so much, why on earth didn’t you involve them? As you say, you were there…….

You claim your primary aim is enhanced contact with your DD. What are you now doing formally to enable this (presuming you are in a situation suitable for this to occur)? You have avoided this aspect completely, whilst concentrating on everything and anything else.

So the paperwork has arrived?

Take it to a legal professional.

As I said before I didn't know what I know now.

And now, knowing all you do know, which from your posts here is confusing, contradictory, and makes no sense, you still choose to make this all somehow your father's fault for not going ahead and selling his vintage car?

I've already explained why many times

Yeah I'm call BS on this one OP, clearly there were some serious issues with the standard of care that you and your husband were providing for your daughter. Sounds like it was mostly mental health and ND related which while not your fault DO affect your ability to parent well. You did not and still do not have a stable environment to raise your children. Doesn't sound like you work either so are not financially able to care for them or maintain your own residence. Instead you are living with your father who you seem to hate and blame for all your problems. If that's the case move out of his house. Oh wait, you can't due to the above reasons, you have no money and no job so are relying on your Dad. Sounds like he supports you a lot so be grateful for that. Get your mental health sorted out, therapy or something. Get some support applying for jobs so you can become financially stable and get your own home. Doing these things will put you in a more favourable position with applying to alter residence of your daughter. You need to demonstrate to the court that you have the ability to provide a healthy and stable life for your daughter. At the moment you are not able to do that, so get started.

Your thinking is skew-wiff.

that's one way of putting it

You are focussing on the wrong thing here! Surely your daughters best interests are what is most important, not your dads car, your in laws, your parents expecting you to care for them. If you don't want to care for them when they are older then don't! The court would have had to have very good evidence to remove a child. Speaking from experience when I had my son I had post partum psychosis, we spent months in a mother and baby unit, then years with social work input and family support. I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, even during my darkest times my son came first and always will. My family all got involved in various ways, in laws took son in when I was ill and husband was trying to keep a roof over our heads! My parents supported me and the baby. This in fighting isn't good for anyone. You need to let go of the past and focus on building that relationship again with your daughter. It seems anyone has any suggestions you have an excuse as to why it won't work, time for you to take responsibility!

Well I wasn't given those supports. That's why I'm in this mess

The courts would not have just taken your daughter on the words of your in laws. Reports from professionals would have been used so you would have spoken to social workers/mental health workers etc. you are just using anything as an excuse, it is your responsibility to be the best parent you can be. The court obviously felt you were not capable of that, which is why your in laws got custody. Any illness/condition is not an excuse to just not do what is needed for a child you chose to bring into this world. Sorry if that is harsh but lots of people have said things and you keep coming up with excuse after excuse as to why you are the victim, when it is your daughter who has been wronged.

And I wasn't passive, I accepted my limitations and issues and have worked hard on them. I took responsibility for myself, yes I had support but I also had to fight for that support on many occasions because I wanted the best for my son.

You're missing the point. I didn't have supports and no social workers