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Original poster

Unjust custody situation

433 replies

Helloworldz87 · 24/01/2024 10:21

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

OP posts:
CrappyBarbara · 24/01/2024 12:09

Maybe your father wanted to keep his car? Presumably it is special to him and you and the baby’s father are adults capable of providing for the baby they created.

TinyYellow · 24/01/2024 12:14

It doesn’t sound like your Dad keeping his car is the real problem here. He can’t be that awful if he let you move back in with your baby.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/01/2024 12:17

Of everyone involved you’re blaming your dad?!

mobogogi · 24/01/2024 12:26

I don't see where the car comes in? Am I being dumb.

Seems that you were struggling mentally, your husband was unemployed , I don't see where custody, your parents holidays etc come into it. Have you got any mental health support? Then you basically need to stand on your own 2 feet, work, benefits whatever and stop relying on parents

Usernamesarenoteasy · 24/01/2024 12:32

That's really hard to follow, and I'm not sure the relevance of your dads car, or of your parents going away and coming back?
You say you don't have custody of your daughter, but then you moved into your parents with her?

Lillygolightly · 24/01/2024 12:39

Sounds like you were young adults and struggling. Your dad offered that he may sell his car to help out, but ultimately decided not to, as is his right. If you were an adult it was up to you to sort out any problems financial or otherwise that you were having, your dad made a nice offer but didn’t come through…it’s sad for you but these things happen.

You want to regain custody of your child, why are you relying on promises of help from others, you want custody you fight for it, you don’t wait for others to step up or step in, you do it…you are her mother, it’s what you do!

The custody award may well have been unfair, I don’t dispute that that is possible, but if you want to sort that out, your dad not selling his car is not the crux of the situation here and is entirely the wrong thing to be focused on.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 25/01/2024 00:30

Because probably none of this would've happened. And if be paying off a mortgage on the place my in laws had for us.

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 25/01/2024 00:31

Because it probably would've prevented this whole mess

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 25/01/2024 00:32

He was that awful and then some.

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 25/01/2024 00:32

Not an excuse to lie and gaslight

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HoppingPavlova · 27/01/2024 03:07

Are you kidding? The whole mess is your dad’s fault. What bullshit. The whole mess is on you and the baby’s father, zero to do with your dad. If not your dad, likely you’d have ended up in the same mess and would just be blaming someone/something else as you seem to take no responsibility.

You and your partner at the time decided to have a baby when you were not in a position to do so. Being in a position to do so, does NOT involve relying on someone else selling a car. Grow up and accept responsibility and move forward accordingly. This is nothing to do with a car, or the fact your parents went overseas. It’s just that you were in no position to have a baby independently.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 07:30

Not an excuse to lie and gaslight! He'd be verbally abusing me if I had done the same

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 07:38

So why do my parents expect me to look after them when they need help later on. They don't care about me!

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clpsmum · 27/01/2024 07:44

Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 07:38

So why do my parents expect me to look after them when they need help later on. They don't care about me!

Sounds like you don't care about them either and just wanted their money. Your post doesn't make sense. It says you don't have custody of your child and then that you moved into your parents with child. Why didn't you save up before having a child instead of relying on your father? If you are that angry at him why move back in with him? I wouldn't be blaming your father for this mess tbh

SD1978 · 27/01/2024 07:50

Sorry- your post jumps around and is very tough to follow. You moved in with your husband and his family. You got pregnant. At one point your father offered to see an asset, but then changed his mind- this annoyed you. You got post natal depression. You and your husband split up. You moved out of your inlaws. Your parents went away for an extended time. During this period, your in laws gained custody, temporarily of your child. You moved back in with your husband, as he told you that you could work together to get your child back. This didn't happen. But you now have custody, and live with your parents. But your parents are to blame for the whole situation because your dad didn't sell his car. It's sounds like there was many, many things going on- if I've worked it all out right.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/01/2024 08:01

Do you have your daughter back OP? That's the most important bit if you do then you can start rebuilding your life. There's a lot to unpack there and it sounds like you've been through a lot, but focusing on what's happened isn't going to fix things, you'd be better off working out how you can move forward and once you're out of this situation maybe get some therpay to process everything that's happened.

fedupwithbeinghot · 27/01/2024 08:07

Your post is very difficult to follow.

If you don't want to look after your parents, then don't. Move to your own place, get a job that pays enough to cover your needs and your daughter's and be an adult. It seems you were unprepared financially and mentally to have a baby, and now you are trying to blame others.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 08:23

Well your answer doesn't make sense either.

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 08:25

No long story short I don't have my daughter back.

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FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 27/01/2024 08:29

This is your and your partner/expartners responsibility and no one else's.

You had a child, you were responsible for providing for them, not your in-laws or your parents or anyone else.

What is the custody arrangement at the moment?
What are you doing to regain custody?
Are you now in a position to financially provide for your child?
If not, what are you doing to change that?

Meadowy · 27/01/2024 08:29

I don’t think you’ve really explained with enough information for people to be able to help you. How old are you? On what grounds did your in laws gain custody? Why did you leave? Are you getting mh support? Do you work? How long have you been with dh? Why did you split up? Is there any alcohol/ drugs involved?

sofasofa42 · 27/01/2024 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 08:47

Wow that's rude! I had Post Natal Depression and no support. That's how they got custody

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Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 27/01/2024 08:52

I'm in my 30s. My in laws got custody because I had Post Natal Depression and no support. They undermined me at every turn. There's no drugs or alcohol involved. I was told that if CPS was involved none of this would've happened. We've been married years. We've been separated for years now.

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crumblingschools · 27/01/2024 08:52

Why haven’t you got her back? Why didn’t the father get custody? Why do you both rely on both sets of parents so much?