Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

I was never offered any social workers and support

No you are missing my point- you would have spoken to professionals of some sort to get reports for the courts. Anyway, that is in the past stop making excuses and fight for your daughter, stop blaming everyone else.

You blame your Dad when the man is housing you and his crime was not throwing good money at a bad cause.

Have you ever thought how your daughter sees you?

I would love for the OPs dad to come give his version of this story.

But I never had any social workers or mental health services involved to begin with. So your incorrect

OP, you, yourself have typed that you were diagnosed with PND, and also Schizotypal PD. So, you must have had mental health services involved, in order to be diagnosed. Given your lack of memory that you were involved with mental health services, it is quite probable it’s the same for other aspects the court would have engaged in order to make considerations and its ruling. Schizotypal PD involves things such as paranoia, odd ideas and distorted perceptions amongst other things which likely accounts for your view on the situation, past annd present, and the outcome being what it was.

It was a completely incorrect diagnosis

You may think it was an incorrect diagnosis but you must have had contact for them to come to that conclusion ? Or did they just make it up ?

Yes I have a correct diagnosis now

Do you? Or do you just have an additional diagnosis.

Being diagnosed with autism does not mean the last diagnosis is automatically incorrect.

The drip feeds of information during your thread is exactly what people were saying at the start. You were not giving the full story. You still aren’t.

Is your username a clue to your age? So you’re around 37 now, and would have been 27 when your DD was born?

You’re an adult. You were an adult when you had her. All this blame on your dad, your in-laws etc is totally misplaced. All the resentment about not having the right service/support etc in place is misplaced. You were/are an adult. It’s on you to sort all of this.

If your capacity when she was a baby meant you couldn’t take responsibility (involve services, arrange housing, etc) then it was right that the courts awarded custody to someone who could.

If you now feel that you are capable to look after yourself - and her - properly, then it is in you to sort that out. Not your dad. Stop blaming him. You are an adult. Go adult.

That doesn't answer my questions. Why lie in the first place? Why am I expected to care when my parents need help. Double standards

Yes it was an incorrect diagnosis. I have paperwork to prove it

So are your parents, who have funded you and your child for at least the last 10 years asking for help from you?

Why open this thread if you are not willing to accept the criticism you are getting? You refuse to take responsibility, blame everyone else. It doesn't matter who said what or did what, what is important NOW is improving yourself so you can be a stable parent to your daughter. You are fixated on the wrong thing. And to diagnose schizotipal you would have HAD to see a mental health professional, the gp won't diagnose that. So even if you don't remember seeing someone you would have done. Just because you disagree with the diagnosis doesn't make it wrong either. I would listen to those giving advice of ways you can improve things moving forward instead of fixating on the past which you can't change.

No one except for your dad can answer that question. It sounds like he’s tried to, but you haven’t believed him (hence saying he’s gaslighting).

I would imagine it wasn’t a lie. I imagine he initially thought he’d be able to give you the money, then something changed to mean he couldn’t - either he needed the car, or the money, or he felt that it wouldn’t be in your interests to have it.

Either way, the car is a massive red herring here. You didn’t lose custody because of the car. You lost it because - for whatever reason - you were not deemed fit to care for your child.

Your current obsession with the past (rather than working out plans for the future) suggests you’re probably still not fit to

You really, really need to work on yourself - independent housing, finances, mental health, etc - if you want any kind of relationship with your daughter.

My parents didn't fund me the past 10 years. I was living with my husband

Because people get the facts wrong repeatedly. It was just the court appointed psychologist who diagnosed me.

I think I know whether he lied and gaslighted me- I was there. He didn't need the money or car. It still doesn't explain not doing the meetings with the in laws- he knew we were in trouble too

Okay, let’s imagine he had given you the money. What would be different now?

Or that he told the truth? What would be different?

Did you mention upthread that you have a counsellor? Is she not helping you work through this?

That’s funny because before you said you couldn’t do anything about it.

Again, so many times you are selective about what you share until it serves you. Then you post something contradictory.

You didn’t have the court paperwork. Then you just applied for it but it would take ages, weeks. Then you have the court paperwork. But ignore anyone saying take it to a professional.

You couldn’t do anything about your ‘mis diagnosis’ now you have paperwork to prove it was an mis diagnosis. All in the space of a few days.

Only your PND impacted your ability to parent. Then it was another diagnosis. which you claim was wrong. Which you couldn’t do anything about and when people point out you could have, you insisted you couldn’t. Then despite mentioning several times that your ex husband might be autistic, you have an autism diagnosis AND proof the last diagnosis was wrong. In writing. But no mention in the first week of your posts.

You say mental health workers weren’t involved. But then they were because somebody diagnosed with something incorrectly.

Facts are you lived a chaotic life and whether due to autism or another diagnosis you weren’t able to parent. You left your child in the care of your in laws for quite a while. You wanted to visit when you wanted. Not when was the best time for the in laws or the child. Your marriage was abusive and you kept going back. At one point or several, you were homeless. And haven’t managed to maintain an independent home. Neither parent as deemed able to look after the child.

and you still claim to be living in an abusive household.

Just like you claim mental health workers weren’t involved, you claim CPS (or similar) were not involved. The first was. The second will have been as well. But it sounds like you didn’t engage. Or even perhaps due to being homeless they couldn’t locate you. They will have assessed your in laws.

On one hand your Dad is awful. On the other you expect him to keep financing you.

I also suspect, that custody of your second child will be questioned if you don’t live with your parents. I would imagine living with them is part of the reason you have the second.

You implied you moved in with your parents soon after, this all started and have been a stable parent to the second since. But now you haven’t lived there 10 years. It’s much shorter. How old is your second?

You aren’t being honest. Either because you are not well enough to see the situation as it is. Or because it suits you to blame everyone else, make things up but it doesn’t match your story so have to back track.

People with all sorts of mental health issues or diagnosed ND can make wonderful parents. However, it doesn’t appear that you are able to parent independently. The new diagnosis doesn’t mean that everyone will say ‘ah it was autism so it’s fine we will send the child back’. The new diagnosis simply diagnoses you. It doesn’t mean everything else will be ignored and you are the right person to parent your oldest.

OP, I'm sorry that you are still here on this thread, still fixated on telling posters they are wrong when they suggest that you drop the dad/car/money thing and focus on getting a stable and independent life for yourself and dc.

Your dad doesn't have to sell his car to give money to his adult daughter. He doesn't have to attend meetings with her in-laws. He doesn't have to house her.

You don't have to provide care and/or support to him.

In many families, these things might happen, but there are many where they don't and many where the dynamic means it is unhelpful to.

Please talk to whoever your rl support is and listen to them and try to move your life forwards rather than this harking back to a car.

Why would he need to have a meeting with the inlaws? You were 27 not 7.

Who are you living with now?

Have you thought your Dad could see who you are and thought your daughter was better off with the inlaws and just wanted to let the right path go ahead.

Your twisting my words around. I'm waiting on my daughters court orders. All other paperwork I have. I only got correctly diagnosed recently and was mis diagnosed years ago. I'm not confused- I never had CPS and other support services involved- that's why I'm in this mess.

Then again why be a hypocrite and lie?