Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

My husband didn't get custody because he's autistic. They undermined me and completely took over and manipulated the situation

Be really honest here... is your child safe and happy with her grandparents? Are they giving her a more stable life than you could? Put aside how much it hurts you (and I can totally appreciate it does), is this placement a good thing for your daughter?

I don't know if she's happy. I wanted to be a parent and none of this would've happened if CPS was involved.

No one has explained my fathers lying and gaslighting though? He was a narcissist and hypocrite. He'd be verbally abusing me if I had done the same!

Why are you fixated on your father?

Have you had a second child and moved back in with your parents?

Probably none of this would've happened if he actually cared and kept the promises

If you hate your dad so much why are you living with him?

Your dad is the last person to blame. Him not selling his vintage car for you isn't the reason why you've lost your daughter. You also wouldn't lose custody of your baby just because you had PND.

Can you get your daughter back if you no longer have PND?

Then why lie in the first place? He was aan absolute hypocrite. It was because of PND- I know I was there and have the paperwork

You're focussing on the wrong thing here. What's the relevance of cps. Why weren't they involved? I think you need to start again and explain in more detail. None of it currently makes sense

Surely he changed his mind rather than lied? Which he is entitled to do

Am I right in thinking that you think, that if your Dad had sold the car, you'd have had enough money to pay for your own house and not have to live with your in laws?
If you hadn't lived with your in laws, then they wouldn't have had the chance to undermine you, therefore your PND would have been better and you'd have coped with baby better?

Maybe he could see how fucked the situation was from the start and it really wasn't worth losing his vintage car for. Those carry a lot of sentimental value.

None of this would've happened if you were a better adult and made better choices. The buck stops with you.

@GrazingSheepWhy are you fixated on your father

Easy. If OP focuses on her DF as the source of this shitshow, then it means they don’t need to face the fact it was actually themselves that was the core issue. As I said, if not the dad, the car, it would be something else, the alignment of stars to blame, anything other than themselves. The fact is you can’t have a baby if you need to rely on someone selling a car. That’s absurd. You need to have prerequisite stability that doesn’t mean someone has to sell a car in order for you to cling on with your fingertips. But, instead of working through that, it’s so much easier to blame someone else, so there is a fixation with OP’s father.

No idea how many kids involved. It’s said that OP no longer has custody of the child initially talked about but then that they are living with their parents (which would be the evil father), with a baby. So, I’m lost.

This is very odd, OP. And this situation has been in no way caused by your dad. Repeating the word gaslight won't get you any sympathy here, unless you take some accountability!!

Also, no idea why it’s in ANZ. How is this a specific ANZ issue? I don’t get it, or it’s posted in wrong section?

Stop blaming your dad, it's not his fault at all! That makes you sound SO entitled!

YOU chose to have a baby when you clearly weren't ready/in a position to have one, so anything after that lies with you I'm afraid.

This.

Oh give over! Women don't lose their babies because they have PND, not unless they're a danger to themselves or their child. I had PND and cried to my HV, yet my kids are still with me so go figure!

He didn't lie he changed his mind, big difference! Plus, why does that matter? This shit show was created by you and your baby's dad, nobody else.

OP. Please can you answer some questions so that we can help/advise/commiserate/understand better? No judgment, but without this info it’s hard to understand what you are saying:

Which legal jurisdiction do you live in? (This post is filed under Australian & NZ Mumsnetters, but those are 2 separate countries for a start, and the legal / social care procedures won’t be the same)
Who does your child with live and where?
Do you have a job?
Does your ex partner have a job?
Aside from autism, do either you or your ex partner have any medical conditions, neurodiversity or learning disability?
How old is your child?
Is there a legal judgment preventing you from having custody of your child?