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Original poster

Unjust custody situation

433 replies

Helloworldz87 · 24/01/2024 10:21

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

OP posts:
Meadowy · 03/02/2024 07:55

What not knowledgable said. Have you ever considered that your daughter might be better off with your inlaws? Have you asked her? Would she have to move school if she lived with you?

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 07:57

Wadermellone · 03/02/2024 07:31

So essentially, for many reasons that are non of your fault, you have done nothing.

I assume your child is quite old now. 10 plus? Maybe even a teenager.

Age is relevant because the older the child the more likely they will be listened to. The longer they have been with their primary care giver which means it would be more damaging to be remove from them.

Very easy for you to say. Especially not knowing where to go for help and being sent around in circles.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 08:07

Meadowy · 03/02/2024 07:55

What not knowledgable said. Have you ever considered that your daughter might be better off with your inlaws? Have you asked her? Would she have to move school if she lived with you?

I haven't asked her. My in laws are highly manipulating and controlling

OP posts:
Meadowy · 03/02/2024 08:14

What does your daughter say when you see her? Does she chat about school? Does she hug you? Does she ask to come and live with you? How old is she? Would she have to move school?

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 08:20

You seem incredibly angry at the world, maybe justly, we cannot say as obviously we have not got access to the full facts.

You also seem intent on blaming everyone but yourself for your situation and your daughter's removal. Your father, your in laws, the system.

Child removal usually involves assessments of the stability of the home and capability of the parents, no matter which country you're in this is pretty standard. Judges make decisions based on those assessments not on accusations of drug usage with no evidence.

I understand you had PND and were lacking support. You sound like you may have been homeless as you lost the house and your parents were away?
But yet I would say you're still unable to provide a stable home for a child and stand on your own two feet since you are back living with your parents who you don't seem to even like.

The age of the child then and now make a difference as to whether it would be in their best interests NOW to be removed and placed back with you, irrespective of any wrongdoing in the past. You may be able to seek redress for any malpractice in the past if your child was taken away without due cause however it is irrelevant to a court decision today.

If you want to even try for your daughter back you need to present a case of why it is in her best interests, without any reference to how wrong everyone else was. Treat them as separate issues. You need to show how you are the more stable option and how being with you is best for her. I'm not convinced you will be able to tbh.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 08:59

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 08:20

You seem incredibly angry at the world, maybe justly, we cannot say as obviously we have not got access to the full facts.

You also seem intent on blaming everyone but yourself for your situation and your daughter's removal. Your father, your in laws, the system.

Child removal usually involves assessments of the stability of the home and capability of the parents, no matter which country you're in this is pretty standard. Judges make decisions based on those assessments not on accusations of drug usage with no evidence.

I understand you had PND and were lacking support. You sound like you may have been homeless as you lost the house and your parents were away?
But yet I would say you're still unable to provide a stable home for a child and stand on your own two feet since you are back living with your parents who you don't seem to even like.

The age of the child then and now make a difference as to whether it would be in their best interests NOW to be removed and placed back with you, irrespective of any wrongdoing in the past. You may be able to seek redress for any malpractice in the past if your child was taken away without due cause however it is irrelevant to a court decision today.

If you want to even try for your daughter back you need to present a case of why it is in her best interests, without any reference to how wrong everyone else was. Treat them as separate issues. You need to show how you are the more stable option and how being with you is best for her. I'm not convinced you will be able to tbh.

I have blamed myself every single day since this happened. I don't know why we weren't given the supports in the first place. I find it bizarre that everyone makes excuses for what my dad did? My in laws knew we were struggling and wanted to do meetings with my dad and yet he lied again. They suspected my husband is autistic and they were right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:06

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 08:20

You seem incredibly angry at the world, maybe justly, we cannot say as obviously we have not got access to the full facts.

You also seem intent on blaming everyone but yourself for your situation and your daughter's removal. Your father, your in laws, the system.

Child removal usually involves assessments of the stability of the home and capability of the parents, no matter which country you're in this is pretty standard. Judges make decisions based on those assessments not on accusations of drug usage with no evidence.

I understand you had PND and were lacking support. You sound like you may have been homeless as you lost the house and your parents were away?
But yet I would say you're still unable to provide a stable home for a child and stand on your own two feet since you are back living with your parents who you don't seem to even like.

The age of the child then and now make a difference as to whether it would be in their best interests NOW to be removed and placed back with you, irrespective of any wrongdoing in the past. You may be able to seek redress for any malpractice in the past if your child was taken away without due cause however it is irrelevant to a court decision today.

If you want to even try for your daughter back you need to present a case of why it is in her best interests, without any reference to how wrong everyone else was. Treat them as separate issues. You need to show how you are the more stable option and how being with you is best for her. I'm not convinced you will be able to tbh.

The wrong doing of the past has everything to do with it. I was never given any support and I was incorrectly diagnosed with something I don't have.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:07

Meadowy · 03/02/2024 08:14

What does your daughter say when you see her? Does she chat about school? Does she hug you? Does she ask to come and live with you? How old is she? Would she have to move school?

She doesn't say much. It's hard to get any information out if her

OP posts:
Meadowy · 03/02/2024 09:09

Hello, i don’t really know what you want from this thread. No one can help you because you don’t answer the key questions. You seem obsessed with how awful your dad is and yet you live with him, and that is how you’ve been able to keep your second child. It doesn’t make any sense, and you don’t seem to be thinking clearly about what is on the best interests of your daughter. Do you have a mum, what does she think?

ElderMillenials · 03/02/2024 09:10

I was never given any support and I was incorrectly diagnosed with something I don't have.

What was the incorrect diagnosis? Did you not have PND, or was the PND missed and you were diagnosed with something else?

That feels like a pretty big detail to have missed.

The car, your dad, is a red herring in this shitshow. It likely would have make no difference anyway and him seeing the mess you were in and not wanting to waste a substantial amount of HIS money seems like a good decision on his part.

Meadowy · 03/02/2024 09:12

do you think your daughter would be happy if you told her she was coming to live with you? Or would it be traumatic for to be uprooted from her currently stable life? Would she agree to the move? Does she get on well with your parents?

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:19

ElderMillenials · 03/02/2024 09:10

I was never given any support and I was incorrectly diagnosed with something I don't have.

What was the incorrect diagnosis? Did you not have PND, or was the PND missed and you were diagnosed with something else?

That feels like a pretty big detail to have missed.

The car, your dad, is a red herring in this shitshow. It likely would have make no difference anyway and him seeing the mess you were in and not wanting to waste a substantial amount of HIS money seems like a good decision on his part.

I was diagnosed with PND and Schitzotypicial and the latter was completely wrong. That's why my in laws wanted to do meetings with him- but he's toxic and only cares about himself. I don't know how my daughter would feel about it.

OP posts:
adonk · 03/02/2024 09:19

why do people reproduce when they’ve had their first child taken off them?

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:23

Meadowy · 03/02/2024 09:09

Hello, i don’t really know what you want from this thread. No one can help you because you don’t answer the key questions. You seem obsessed with how awful your dad is and yet you live with him, and that is how you’ve been able to keep your second child. It doesn’t make any sense, and you don’t seem to be thinking clearly about what is on the best interests of your daughter. Do you have a mum, what does she think?

Because I never got answers. My dad was toxic and a complete hypocrite

OP posts:
ElderMillenials · 03/02/2024 09:25

Do you know it was wrong? How? Have you been assessed by a doctor since?

Honestly, from your posts I can see how someone would have concerns beyond PND. If nothing else you come across quite selfish and naive.

The question of how your daughter would feel is a key one here and you can't answer it. And you won't give any indication of how old she is, you 'years' but is that 4 years, 10, 15? Is she old enough to understand and have an opinion?

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:25

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 08:20

You seem incredibly angry at the world, maybe justly, we cannot say as obviously we have not got access to the full facts.

You also seem intent on blaming everyone but yourself for your situation and your daughter's removal. Your father, your in laws, the system.

Child removal usually involves assessments of the stability of the home and capability of the parents, no matter which country you're in this is pretty standard. Judges make decisions based on those assessments not on accusations of drug usage with no evidence.

I understand you had PND and were lacking support. You sound like you may have been homeless as you lost the house and your parents were away?
But yet I would say you're still unable to provide a stable home for a child and stand on your own two feet since you are back living with your parents who you don't seem to even like.

The age of the child then and now make a difference as to whether it would be in their best interests NOW to be removed and placed back with you, irrespective of any wrongdoing in the past. You may be able to seek redress for any malpractice in the past if your child was taken away without due cause however it is irrelevant to a court decision today.

If you want to even try for your daughter back you need to present a case of why it is in her best interests, without any reference to how wrong everyone else was. Treat them as separate issues. You need to show how you are the more stable option and how being with you is best for her. I'm not convinced you will be able to tbh.

There was no assessment of the home

OP posts:
Wadermellone · 03/02/2024 09:28

Where were living at the time this happened?

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 09:42

Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:25

There was no assessment of the home

Show quote history

By assessment of the stability of the home I meant finances, relationships, that sort of thing. It would all have been linked to you as a person.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:42

ElderMillenials · 03/02/2024 09:25

Do you know it was wrong? How? Have you been assessed by a doctor since?

Honestly, from your posts I can see how someone would have concerns beyond PND. If nothing else you come across quite selfish and naive.

The question of how your daughter would feel is a key one here and you can't answer it. And you won't give any indication of how old she is, you 'years' but is that 4 years, 10, 15? Is she old enough to understand and have an opinion?

I thought the old diagnosis was wrong, but what could I do about it? My daughter is 10, so what difference does it make? I find the comments about my dad bizarre. Why no honesty? Why no apology? There's no handbook/ website what to do if you're in laws are alienating you from your child using family violence to keep your child away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:43

adonk · 03/02/2024 09:19

why do people reproduce when they’ve had their first child taken off them?

My husband was abusive and financially abusive

OP posts:
Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 09:48

Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:42

I thought the old diagnosis was wrong, but what could I do about it? My daughter is 10, so what difference does it make? I find the comments about my dad bizarre. Why no honesty? Why no apology? There's no handbook/ website what to do if you're in laws are alienating you from your child using family violence to keep your child away.

Show quote history

Get a second opinion from another independent doctor?

Your dad is literally allowing you to live with him, what more do you want? Him to grovel at your feet for not throwing money your way? If you and your husband were both not working it would have been a waste of his money anyway as you would have still lost the house. Situations change, that's the honest truth of it and he no longer was willing to sell the car. Dwelling on it like this when he is in fact helping you now is not healthy for your relationship with him surely?

You've also not answered where your husband was in all this when your daughter was removed from your care.

Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:53

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 09:48

Get a second opinion from another independent doctor?

Your dad is literally allowing you to live with him, what more do you want? Him to grovel at your feet for not throwing money your way? If you and your husband were both not working it would have been a waste of his money anyway as you would have still lost the house. Situations change, that's the honest truth of it and he no longer was willing to sell the car. Dwelling on it like this when he is in fact helping you now is not healthy for your relationship with him surely?

You've also not answered where your husband was in all this when your daughter was removed from your care.

Show quote history

My husband was working that's where he was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloworldz87 · 03/02/2024 09:55

Mrsm010918 · 03/02/2024 09:48

Get a second opinion from another independent doctor?

Your dad is literally allowing you to live with him, what more do you want? Him to grovel at your feet for not throwing money your way? If you and your husband were both not working it would have been a waste of his money anyway as you would have still lost the house. Situations change, that's the honest truth of it and he no longer was willing to sell the car. Dwelling on it like this when he is in fact helping you now is not healthy for your relationship with him surely?

You've also not answered where your husband was in all this when your daughter was removed from your care.

Show quote history

Probably an apology and answers. Instead of chopping and changing answers and going into a rage and calling me a liar

OP posts:
ElderMillenials · 03/02/2024 10:09

So you don't agree with the diagnosis and have just decided it's wrong and everyone is working against you. Do you know what schitzotypical personality disorder is?

Forget your dad and whatever transgressions you feel he owes you for. It doesn't matter now and you're only hurting your case to be going on about it.

See another doctor, get legal advice on custody for you daughter, and focus on being the best you can be now not on the past.

Wadermellone · 03/02/2024 10:13

So it wasn’t just a PND diagnosis and a false accusation of drug use. And you think the diagnosis is wrong. Just because you do?

and your husband lost his job. Was he working when you both lost custody of your child? So it wasn’t just that you were struggling with mental health issues. He was also deemed incapable of looking after the child? Why? Where were you living then?