Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

I don't have much money. My husband was financially abusive and running a business I have nothing to do with, in my name

Your father deciding not to sell an item which is his to financially support his adult child is NOT the cause of this situation.

He was entitled to change his mind. You are not entitled to other people's possessions.

I cannot speak for the system where you are but PND is not usually a marker for child removal unless the child is considered at risk. I know in the UK there are services which are offered and medication to help support mothers who are struggling, were you not offered these? And where was your husband/ex when his parents were filing for custody?

At the end of the day you both had a child that it sounds like you could not support financially or practically from what I can gather from your posts.

I'm not in the UK and as I said before I wasn't offered any support/ didn't know about them. So why wasn't my father honest in the first place? There was always one rule for him and one rule for everyone else.

Why did my father expect help from me, later on.

And there's the problem. You want to be a parent but don't know if your daughter is happy? You need to get your priorities right, to be a good parent you think about your child's welfare, not your wants.

She doesn't give me much/ say much. I don't know what BS they've told her.

My parents have never given me a house deposit or any major help like that. I'll help them when they are older and frailer because I care about them, not because of what they gave me (or couldn't/wouldn't give me).

I have 100% custody of my second child and have worked hard to get it.

Well I would've if my father wasn't a huge narcissist and I'm always the scapegoat

Op what do you want from this thread.

No one is convinced your child was removed only based on you having PND and a false drug accusation that no one could back up because it wasn’t true. Especially since you can’t even visit your child. People believe there is far more to this and can not help. Only you can do that.

You couldn’t maintain a home. If your Dad had sold the car you would have lost the home and the money he put in. You wanted him to put money into a house to house his daughter along with the man who was abusing her, who were in a very unstable situation.

The car being sold or not sold dint cause the situation. You would have lost the home AND this still would have happened.

When you said ‘I do want to get my daughter back but don’t want to get my hopes up’ you showed the issue. You believe your daughter would be better off with you, that it’s right she should be with you but aren’t doing anything in case you end up disappointed. You would rather not bother, even though you claim it’s the best thing for her, because you don’t want to be upset.

No one is just going to give her back. And when she is older, her knowing you did nothing because you didn’t want to get your hopes up has gen potential to be devastating to her.

You need legal advice and need to find out the exact reasons your child was taken away. Perhaps try and get an advocate that can explain it clearly. Because I would bet money those court papers do not say the child was removed with no visitation because you had PND and there were accusations of drug use that had no proof at all.

And yet you moved back in with them with another baby. You took his help and would have happily taken more help and money from him.

You let them be there for you then. I think you need professional support. Because I don’t think you can view this situation clearly at all. And non of this is helping you get your daughter back.

Yes I know, I was referencing perhaps that there may have been similar services in your country.

Perhaps he changed his mind? Maybe he felt that the situation you were in was too unstable?

You seem fixated on blaming him for it all but truly, it's not his fault.

And families generally help each other out yes? I would argue that he has helped you by allowing you to move in with your other child wouldn't you agree? That doesn't mean you are obligated to care for him in his old age or anything

I do have visitation and I never said I didn't. I've got new lawyers and I'm waiting on getting a copy of my daughter's court order. Because I can't do anything without it. You don't have to believe me but I've got all the proof and paperwork! Your naive if you think otherwise

how old is your daughter? how long has she lived without you? Where are you going to live with her ?

What difference does it make? They've had her for years

Then again why not apologise and be honest? He went on and on about honesty-yet was never honest himself

A poster asked

Do your in-laws just have your child and refuse you access with no legal basis, or did a court grant them residency with you having no access?

You replied that it was court ordered. You didn’t say ‘residency is court ordered but I have visitation’. At no point did you point out that you do have access.

You also heavily implied you haven’t had contact. Many people referenced you not seeing your child and at no point Did you refute that. So people assuming you don’t have any rights or visits, isn’t really their fault.

Again, they still wouldn’t remove the child with the accusations you have said. The court papers will not say those 2 reasons, one which has no evidence to support it was the reason your child was removed.

If you can’t understand what the court papers say, then you need to engage a professional.

You say you have the proof and that you are also waiting for it. When did all this happen? Why don’t you already have the paperwork? Did you get it when you and your husband were fighting it?

You have now ordered the paperwork but don’t want to pursue it because you don’t want to get your hopes up.

Because at the moment it sounds like you have spent quite a lot of years not doing anything, blaming everyone else.

My husband became abusive and financially abusive after we lost my daughter. I couldn't get support because he runs a business in my name and I have nothing to do with it.

The answers to those questions make a huge difference

How? Why?

So essentially, for many reasons that are non of your fault, you have done nothing.

I assume your child is quite old now. 10 plus? Maybe even a teenager.

Age is relevant because the older the child the more likely they will be listened to. The longer they have been with their primary care giver which means it would be more damaging to be remove from them.

ok, fine if you don't want to tell us, but then nobody can really advise. Obviously the answers to these question have a huge impact on the advice, and the likely outcomes, and the best outcome for your daughter - I am sure you can see this.

Obviously if you are not in a position to offer her a home, that matters, and obviously if she is older and settled with her grandparents that matters hugely to

I am more than capable. And the court didn't care about ripping my family apart to start off with! Professionals have told me what they did was family violence.

Maybe what happened was wrong, but that doesn't mean uprooting her is right now, especially if you can't offer her a stable high quality home - sorry if I misunderstood, but it seemed to me you were saying that you are lodging with your father, who you have a poor relationship with. Can he/ will he take in another older girl and give her the space and privacy she needs? And is this a secure home? or do you have somewhere else to go? If your first daughter is a teenager, then it doesn't seem appropriate to move her into an overcrowded home owned by a strange man who her mum describes as a narcissist....

I've finally found the right support that I should have gotten years ago. So I will get job support and hopefully move out.