Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

Just from what you've said. He didn't lie. He saw what a car crash you were becoming and changed his mind.

Why won't you ever discuss how he's funding you now?

Why don't you show him this thread? Where will you be if he kicks you out?

He did lie. He made a promise and reneged it. I asked him why and he went into a rage (as always) and called me a liar. And kept changing his answers.

No. I am not twisting your words. You add bits in and leave bits out when they suit. Like for pages insisting you lost your child because you had PND. It’s not true. You know it’s not true and you know there was additional things that contributed to it.

What do you mean you don’t have your daughters courts orders? What do you mean by orders?

You said you had all the paperwork. You said you had everything and could prove no CPS was involved. But you also said you didn’t have it to take to a professional. But you don’t have the paperwork related to your daughter? So what other paperwork do you have, that proves the court just took your daughter without an involvement from anyone except your in laws?

You were recently diagnosed and had the mis diagnosis proved, in the last couple of days? Since saying you couldn’t do anything about it.

You did have mental health workers involved. Because they diagnosed you at the time.

I didn't have mental health services involved. It was only the court appointed psychologist.

So someone who works in mental health.

He's not. I just don't think you posses the intellect or critical thinking to see that.

So why are you living with him instead of being a grown up and being independent?

You can't slag him off like this and leech off him.

My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it.

^Ok, you won't let it go. It's utterly pointless because you seem to be stuck in this victim mentality.

Your dad said if you ever need it, presumably he meant in a situation where that amount of money would resolve your situation. The money wouldn't have made any difference, it wouldn't have made you or your husband responsible parents, wouldn't have stopped the in laws filing for custody of your dd and wouldn't have suddenly made you take responsibility and act.

What would the limited amount of money have actually done? You didn't need money to contact the services you needed^ at the time. It might have paid rent for a time but no jobs= no income so you'd have lost the house anyway.

I didn't have mental health services involved. It was only the court appointed psychologist

If you recognised and wanted help at the time, all the services were there. The barrier seemed to be you didn’t think you had an issue, as if you did, even with the PND, you would have gone to the GP and they would have started the ball rolling. I would guess the in-laws were telling you that you had a problem and you just didn’t believe them. I’m guessing your father didn’t want to meet with the in-laws as, beside it not being his place to do so with an adult daughter, he likely recognised that you didn’t believe you had mental health problems, so he didn’t see what would be gained or changed. He likely knew that without you being open to accepting you had a problem the whole situation was dead in the water. That doesn’t make him a liar, or evil. Just someone who is realistic.

Likely the court psychologist noted that you had zero insight into your mental health problems and therefore did not believe you needed assistance, otherwise you would have been to the GP as first port of call and triaged to other appropriate services. You can’t force services onto someone who doesn’t believe they have a problem, unless they are an immediate danger to themselves or others, which was not the case as your daughter was being cared for elsewhere. Thats why mental health services (as you see it) were not involved. There were mental health services involved, as you admit, who were acting impartially for the court to assess the situation though.

You'd probably have a less than perfect memory too, I'd you had PTSD

Yes I have a diagnosis of PTSD.

Is that something else you have been diagnosed with?

Yes absolutely

People are allowed to change their mind about things.

he doesn’t have any obligation to help you - just like you don’t have any obligation to help him. Though if you are living with him then it’s entirely expected that you would help out with things, seeing as he is keeping you and you haven’t mentioned paying your way to him. If he is so awful, you don’t have to stay. No one here can answer why he changed his mind, why he said he never said that, only he can. If he is awful and gaslighting you, then leave. And if he’s supporting you and you can’t leave then you are indebted to him and do need to help him out if you want to continue the living arrangement.

do you have a job? Find your own place with your child and stop relying on him.

So you have a diagnosis of PTSD, I'm assuming from trauma related to this situation? And you acknowledge PND. And you are diagnosed autistic too. Did you mean you have an additional diagnosis on top of these?

A court appointed psychologist diagnosed you originally- this is a medical professional whether you want to recognise that or not, so you did in fact have mental health service involvement.

I imagine, just based on your replies here, that when your dad changed his mind (as he was entitled to) you were quite difficult to deal with and he got angry.

And yet you still do not seem to have the realisation that this awful man, as you see him, is financing you right now. He is housing you and a baby, that doesn't come without cost to him.

You need to let go of the past and the pain and focus on what you can do to improve your situation going forward.

You'd have fixations too if your family and marriage got destroyed like this

And have you reached a point where you see your part in this?

I suspect that many people on this thread have suffered trauma in the past.

We are unanimously suggesting that you stop focusing on situations in the past that you can’t change (dad/car/custody revoked etc) and instead concentrate on what you can (keeping DC2 safe / developing relationship with DC1 / building own life and independence etc)

I find this incredibly useful:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference.

So what other serious diagnosis do you have?

If your PTSD means your memory is so bad, you don’t recall the facts then state them as facts, it follows that you don’t grasp the full understanding of why your child is with your in laws.

You don’t recall very important parts of what happened.

My memory isn't perfect but I remember everything

Easy for you to say. They don't even take kids off drug addicts.

Yet they took her from you… so 🤷🏻‍♀️

(I’ve genuinely tried to be helpful here, and you’ve been nothing but rude. You know nothing about me, or where my experience/advice came from, but yeah, despite a PTSD diagnosis and a lot of other complications, my DC still live with me, so im going to stick with my approach of looking forward, not dwelling on the past. I humbly suggest you do the same)

Easy for you to say. Your family and marriage isn't destroyed

Yup. You just keep convincing yourself that everyone else has it easy.

He isn't financing me

He did lie. He made a promise and reneged it. Then said it was in jest and yelled that I was a liar