Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

So when are you moving out?
When are you going to grow up and support yourself. All alone?
When are you going to actually become a mother that can actively and successfully parent?

Because so far he's been a better parent to you and your kids than you have by the looks of it.

Yeah he put a roof over our heads and food on the table. But there was never any emotional support and care.

You brought a child into the world and have effectively abandoned her, regardless of what your father did or didn't do or say around selling his vintage car, and regardless of the situation back when she was removed from your care. Most people who find themselves having a child removed work their arses off to be a better parent and a provider.

What are you going to do to rehabilitate yourself so that you are not a further trauma on that little girl? All you seem to be doing is bitching about other people and their shortcomings, real or perceived, and demonstrating zero accountability or self-awareness.

So again. A hell of a lot more than you gave to your child. So you can slug him off but he is a better parent than you.

Again when will you leave him alone?

And whatever the money you would've gotten from the car. He has given you. You've had it.

My dad was authoritarian parent and physically abusive. But no one took us away from him? 🤷

So awful you've ran back to him so he can fincailly support you.
So awful that you are serving your child to him.

So you're willingly allowing your child to be raised by a known abuser rather than grow up.
That wasn't the gotcha you hoped it was. It just further showed your lack of clarity and what more he is dealing with.

You said ptsd impacted your memory which is why you have contradicted yourself so many times. Then you remember everything. You clearly don’t. Or you just keep changing your story because you think it suits.

Now you drop in your dad was physically abusive. You should have been taken away from if that is the case. He shouldn’t be involved at all.

You don’t have a job and haven’t had one for years. You said that. So who is financing go you while you live with them? If you finance yourself why haven’t you moved out? Why are you allowing your second child to live in an abusive household?

You finance yourself. You don’t need to live with your parents to retain custody of your second. You now say your father has been physically abusive. Why would you choose this life for your second child?

So you're working and paying him for all the electricity, gas and water you and your child use then right?

Now you're saying he claimed he said about the car in jest,have you considered that maybe he did actually mean it as a throwaway joke and your seemingly limited capabilities meant you took it seriously when it wasn't intended that way?

When heade the promises, he was dead serious

And do you understand that if you total it all up you've taken a lot more than the cars value.

If your father was physically abusive to you as a child, why on earth are you and your dc2 living with him now? I really hope that the support you have around you and your dc2 is sufficient to keep them safe from harm.

Your posts here are very concerning, you appear to have no insight into your own responsibilities to prioritise your childrens' wellbeing and are bent on blaming your father and in-laws.

OP, the diagnosis of ASD makes clear sense noting your posting style. I understand your perception is that everyone would be as fixated in the same position. Factually, that’s not the case. Life is grossly unfair for many people. However, because of your ND, things are harder, which has likely contributed to the challenges you have experienced in becoming a fully independent adult. Hopefully this diagnosis means you can access things like NDIS support.

I think if this thread is going to help you at all, posters probably need to steer away from asking questions or even making mention of the father or in-laws. It drives further fixation and is the only part the OP will/can focus on.

OP - how often do you see your daughter and what kind of things do you like to do together? How is she going with school and friends?

Hardly

Not true at all. He's a narcissist and doesn't think about anyone else ever. All he cares about his himself and his holidays. I knew I had a problem, just didn't know where to go to for help. And couldnt afford the $300 an hour psych I was referred too

Can you elaborate?

So why am I expected to look after my parents? They didn't care about me

Well, generally you are not expected to do this.

However, as you describe it, your situation is very different, in that your father is currently supporting you and your child. The way you have put it across is that he is currently supporting you by providing a roof over your head, electricity, water, food on the table, and basically a stable environment for the child you do have. This seems to be because you can’t manage to do any of this independently. I highly suspect you only have custody of the child with you because of your father’s involvement, and without it you wouldn’t have that child either. So, in these circumstances, surely you can see that there is an expectation that you assist him if/as required. It is neither here nor there that he likes to go on holidays, that’s his right and does not make him a bad person. You are an adult, not a 3yo, so he is able to go on holidays (and is likely needed to get a break from his household I suspect).

I should have added if you are not happy with this situation, you need to move out. Your father is supporting you and your child currently. If you believe he is a narcissist, physically abusive or any of the other things you have put here, then MOVE OUT. Rather than posting incessantly on here, and not bothering to take on anyone’s replies, MOVE OUT. Then there is zero obligation to assist him in any way. However, this means you need to support yourself and child currently living with you independently. There is no other ‘but, but, but, why, why, why’.

It isn't an excuse to lie and gaslight me. He's a complete narcissist and hypocrite. Its nice that his holidays were more important than family

I want that more than anything since he never cared that I couldn't stand on my feet alone

I just wish I could do something so if someone else gets abused by their in laws like this, this won't happen to someone else

Then move out

Doesn't explain why my parents expect me to look after them. And why they always favour my sister, despite not needing any help

Doesn't explain why you won't move out

OP, time to refocus on your daughter again, not your dad. How often are you seeing your daughter? What’s the best thing about your time together?