Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

cremegg aaahhhh sex with intent - that makes far more sense
on the charting site i use they call it 'babydancing' or BD for short - took me months before i asked what that meant (and in the meantime my imagination had gone into complete overdrive!!!)

misty sorry you had that experience this morning - must have been quite a shock to the system to see it there in black and white. hope that your afternoon has got better xxx

kat - yep hope to 'see' you on the charting site at some point. and no more wobbles today although i can't quite get into working from home today....no concentration on what i'm doing (oo-er don't tell my boss i said that!?)

to everyone else - sorry for lack of personals but i'm supposed to be working and i really should try and get my head down so i have something to show for the day! will speak to you all later xxx

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh thats what BD is! I thought it was just short for "Bedding"
!?!?!? thanks mrbigz..... got to laugh really, ay?

Well, i've been out in the sunshine and spent a bit of cash on myself and now i'm ok. Fine actualy! Obviously every inch the shallow person i suspected myself of being, lol.

Seriously tho' - thank you ladies. Your support means so much to me to you all.

cinnamon hoping and praying for you for your infection to bugger off as quickly as poss. Stay positive ........ you'll be back on track in no time.

kat - yep, that pic is going to rear up and bite you on the bum when you least expect it! Just like mine did today. Looking forward to 'seeing' you on FF.

mrsbigz - get on with you're work! If its not 'later' you should be here! Bless you, .

cherry - agree too, this thread is a lovely place to be at the mo. If i have to be anywhere thats not on the preg. threads then this is where i want to be.

cremegg - ahhhh from me too. SWI - not Smacking Wicked Imps then?

Well i'm going off to look for an excuse to be out in the sun again now, love to everyone xxx

Hi guys,

kat, I actually used to refer to soft play as soft play hell! Must admit DS's autistic streak gives me a get out of jail free card with those places; he's just not interested. Though last time we did go, he got stuck and scared at the furthest end of a two storey structure and I had to go through netting/ foam rollers/ a twisty slide to get him, then repeat the journey with him clinging to me like a chimpanzee. The other kids thought it was brilliant, I nearly slipped a disc!

Doctor's update; I have an e coli infection. That is one of the 3 infections I had last year, so apparently it's probably been hanging around waiting for my defences to drop so it can get multiplying. Nice doc has doubled up my anti b's (1100 mg 3 times a day!!) for the next few days, then a few more days at a normal dose. Should be off by next Friday if they work, and should be ov on the Saturday/ Sunday.....too much to think of and hope for, shall put it to the back of my mind!!

Thank you for all the love, or direct opposite of, regarding OH's ex. She is a worthless and deliberately nasty person, and for that reason she shall bother me no more, (until the next time!!). The horrible tangerine, talon wearing, bleach blonde, midget trog that she is! (For the record I'm pale, have all my own nails, have very dark hair and am nearly 6 foot, OH really did decide not to make the same mistake twice!).

That did make me sound quite nasty too....ummm...I plead provocation!

Does everyone have weekend plans? Seems like it's going to rain unfortunately, grrrr......

Was thinking, with all this peeing/ planning/ charting, who'll be going for a BFP first? If the anti b's work and we're clear I'll be testing around the 22nd....am I first?!?

(Can you tell I've cheered up? Again!)

Lots of love all xxxxxxxx

hi everyone
Misty glad your feeling better. It does get better with time. At first I couldn't look at my scan picture, now I have made a frame for it, and it is on the book shelf in our study, I look at it and smile and think of the joy she brought me for those 13 short weeks.
And I loved your cat ivf analogy and hope that it works for me like it did for you and blacktreacle cat. Dh has agreed to the kitten because he is worried about how stressed I get and thinks it will help me relax and be something positive for me to focus on, though he was just as taken as me, the one we chose fell asleep on his arm when we went to look at them and he said we have to have him :o

Cinamon poor you, hope you are feeling better soon xx

Cherry thank you for the cat rubbing advice!

lots of love, and hope everyone has a good weekend, we are going to be buying lots of cat stuff.

Have a happy cat filled weekend flower.

Cinnamon nevermind the ex, you sound like a foxy lady! His tastes definitely matured.

Misty fingers crossed they zap your microbes before the weekend.

mrsbigz hope you got some work done.

I've a thrilling day of housework ahead and another friend coming over so l'll tell my sorry tale for the fourth time. I'm hoping this is a bit like counselling and each time I tell someone it makes it slightly easier.

Look forward to people starting testing. I'll be a bit behind you all on that but I can't wait to start!

hello ladies, hope you're all well and it's stopped raining now wherever you are (it has here thankfully, though still v wet on the ground).

listen, i was thinking (and maybe cherrybug you would be a good person to ask about this) but this thread has been focussing a lot more recently on ttc (or ttc but pretending not to as i am doing!!!!!). and while i am only pretending to ttc i know that secretly i'm going to be upset when AF does return, and have to start all over again.

the question i had was - when is the right time to transfer all of our talk of opks, ttc, bfps to the sister thread. while i'm much more comfortable talking to you all about the future (as we're all roughly in the same position timing wise) and my hopes and dreams of getting pregnant again, i can't help but think that anyone who is directed to this thread by an even more recent loss may be slightly put off by all the ttc talk. this is ultimately a support thread (and has been a godsend to me) but i'm wondering whether i should take a deep breath and start spouting out all of my opk results on the sister thread instead of on here? i don't want to put any kind of pressure on those that are 'not' ttc, and likewise, i still need the support from having a recent loss. what are your thoughts??

sorry - not trying to be all gloom and doom, just reread some of my posts, and realised i have been a bit ttc-centric. also sorry for lack of personals but i can hear ds2 has woken up so will be wanting his lunch!!! speak to you all later xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello ladies, to those I know and those I don't I don't often come back here, but when I do it's lovely to see that this thread is as supportive now as it was when it was my lifeline last year. For those who don't know we lost a little boy due to incompatibility with life last April.

I just wanted to say hello to blacktreaclecat, and also that I too have looked at array CGH, and it gave me a bit of hope too. I would be very interested to hear what else you find out about it. We are undergoing IUI at the moment. This is our second cycle, so if this fails it'll be one more try and then on to IVF. I haven't even dared mention array CGH to my hospital, for fear of them shattering my hopes, but I will if it comes to IVF.

mrsbigz could you not be on both threads? For the ttc part of it you could post on the sister thread, but you could also stay on here too? I must say that I could never bear to go onto the sister thread. I can't cope with pregnancies still, even though I am happy for anyone that has been through what we have and then gone on to have a healthy baby afterwards. It gives me hope, but I still can't deal with anyone being pg I feel bad for saying that, but it's something I so desperately want, yet can't seem to achieve.

Anyway, love to you all on this thread. Even though I don't know you all I think of those who go through what we have every day xxx

Hi everyone xxxxx

Been thinking about the same thing myself mrbigz funnily enough. And i also agree with monkeybum about the big leap that going on to the sister thread would be. One that may be too hard to face. I've been wrestling with the decision for a week or so.

I think it's important we get this right - but remember its a very POSITIVE thing, i think, that this thread is so bouyant and busy that its members are having to think about what style of thread this is. It's a sign that we all care and want the thread to continue and be the best it can be. Each of us here is continualy giving and receiving wonderful support, i know for sure that i would not have made it through so well as i have done without you all. I want that to be true for newbies too.

I have found an outlet for alot of my ttc obsessing on a charting website where you can log your information in and, if you wish, read about all the minute details of ttc, and message other users - and thats fab for me. (Fertility Friend) If thats not your bag then maybe, as mrsbigz says, the sister thread would be a good place to post regular/intricate news about our ttc, while posting on general up's, down's and life in general here. I read the sister thread, but always post here (although i posted there once, to sympathise with an awful scan appt.) I enjoy following the stories on the sister thread, and it heartens me to hear about all the pgs ........ most days. But some days i cant face it, like monkeybum, and i feel at home here. Like a sanctuary

I'm sure i've just said all the same things that mrsbigz said - just longerwindedly (is that a word? lol)

What do other ladies feel?
xxxxx

Hi all,
Feeling a bit more positive today. We have made an appt to look into getting a brother or sister for our puss. They have a black boy kitten called Denzel available - let's hope Treacle likes him!
More cats as fertility aids therapy plus thought it would cheer me up.
Monkeybumsmum - I asked our fertility cons about it and he wasn't positive at all. But he is NHS and doesn't offer it. It is Care who do it so we are looking at going there.
Had a scan today my cyst has gone so back on clomid next month with everything crossed. Guess I might venture over the way as well.
Xx

MBmum just wanted to say thank you very much for your thoughts on what i mentioned above. yes i suppose it is quite possible to post on both threads, but i don't feel emotionally ready to be over there quite yet.

for the record to all i had absolutely no intentions on starting a big debate about this - i'm so happy to be in this group of wonderfully supportive ladies - my only concern was that someone reading this post for the first time 'might' be looking only for support, not ttc talk. however on the flip side, most of the ladies on here are quite keen to ttc again asap, so i guess it also is a positive thing to read about.....in that they are not alone in their feelings.

babbling now so will shut up. i'm happy to stay here if everyone else is happy to hear me waffling on about opks every month!!

blacktreaclecat firstly yay for getting another kitten - i'm very jealous, i would love a cat - dh is not keen though, he is more of a dog person and we can't have one of those at the moment as not enough time spent at home. and second yay for your cyst going, that must be a huge relief and means that you can join us pretending not to ttc LOL!

misty - thanks for understanding what i was trying to say earlier - i'm not very good at getting my words out sometimes but i'm glad that you realised i wasn't trying to be anything but thoughtful.

hope everyone else is having a lovely weekend. glad the rain stopped and it brightened up though has been really muggy today hasn't it!

oh :( owen (ds2) broke the chain of my 'Eve' locket today - nearly burst into tears....it wasn't his fault bless him, he had a wobble (as still not quite walking yet) and as i was sat down he grabbed out at me, but managed to get my chain and snapped it. don't think it's repairable and we cant afford to get another chain at the moment (it is white gold and was a 22" chain) so not sure what to do....but don't not want to wear it - any suggestions?

speak soon xx

mrsbigz and misty, I think you have a point about not turning this thread into a ttc one. Perhaps those of us that way inclined can just be brave and post on both threads or confine such chat to fertilityfriend? I think it is a natural part of trying to recover though so I don't think mentioning it should be verboten here.

Sorry about your locket. Are you sure it can't just be fixed?

blacktreacle glad the cyst as gone.

Awful day here all in. Passed something that looked like a lump of liver this morning. (TMI I know but might be useful to someone at some point to know.) Phoned the hospital and was told to come in, full examination and they said no sign of infection but if it happens again to go back in. However, doctor and midwife asked what support I was getting from community midwives, GP etc and I said none. They were appalled and said I shouldn't have been left to deal with all this alone and apparently both the comm midwives and the bereavement team should have been in touch so something has gone wrong. I then started crying and just could not stop, I kept going on about how I would be infertile if I had an infection and I could only get over this if I could have another baby. I was really quite hysterical, I cried for two solid hours in the hospital and then they said they were more concerned about my mental state than the bleeding but I persuaded them I was ok. Came home and cried a whole load more until I just had to pull myself together. I've stopped crying now but it felt like all the tears I should have cried these last few days all just came out in one go. I now have a red blotchy face, puffy eyes and a banging headache. I've just taken some painkillers and am going to go to sleep now. I hope to God tomorrow's a better day, this has been the worst since it happened.

oh kat i'm so so sorry to hear about your day. on a positive note, i'm glad there was no sign of infection, but that still doesn't lessen the emotional impact of passing something like that. i'm amazed too, to hear that you've had no support from the bereavement team or comm midwife? admittedly i've not had contact for a couple of weeks now, but i was visited a couple of times by the bereavement nurse, and had a call from my own midwife, both of whom said i could call them if and when i needed to. i'm angry for you that you've not had that support, and i wish i was there to give you a big hug in person.
i truly hope that tomorrow is a much better day for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kat143 - I'm so sorry you had such a rubbish day and hope things look up for you now.
Unless you have a nasty smell discharge or temp you prob don't have an infection but I think it is normal to be paranoid about infection after this. I was, ended up having 3! weeks of antibiotics.
Take care xx

hey all,

kat sounds like an awful day, i really hope you're a bit better now, and i guess there's a little positive in that there was no infection. I didn't get any real 'after care' so I booked an appointment at a 'womens clinic', where id gone for a smear the previous year and they were really helpful. maybe book an appt with your GP or a nurse in a week or so for peace of mind, keep looking after yourself xx

blacktreacle yay to the cyst going, and yay to for new kitty. when does he move in? we came back from the cinema last night to find DHs defrosted steak (meant for dinner but ended up grabbing fast food on way to flicks!) on the floor, with one cat having a good chew, blood trailing all across the floor, yuk! they won the battle tho, as DH (obv!) didnt want cat chewed steak, so now it is chopped into pieces for their next few dinners! pests!

misty i personally find it harder to look at scan pics of Indy than the photos we took of him after he was stillborn. guess scans are reminders of the innocent, happy time, which makes it the real clincher, so it must have been v hard to see one when not expecting to. it's always the unexpected stuff isn't it after something like what we've been through?! Little comments from people who dont realise/know can send my stomach flipping out, yet seeing my v pg friend, coz am prepared, is ok.

speaking of, i went to the pg friends bday on fri, we got there late as DH left work late, and there were only 2 seats left at the table, and i got lumbered sitting next to a friend of my pg friend, who i have never met, who was pregnant! grr!! i know theres nothing anyone could do, but really!? i must admit i completed blanked her (other than introducing ourselves) and just focussed on other conversations!! bad, but all the name of self preservation, i mean i was hardly gonna get into 'hows it all going'?! with someone i dont even know was i?! oops. DH said afterwards that he didnt think anyone else noticed, but to him 'it was written across my face' .......double oops.

ended up having a bit of vino.... then after the meal we went for drinks in the bar (thankfully pg lady who i didnt know left) so when my mate started talking about labour, and kinda asking 'how would she know' coz people have just said to her 'you'll know' i couldnt help say 'err yep you'll know!' I think she had kind of forgotten that i have been through labour recently, anyway in a way it worked out ok for me as it gave some other friends the opener to say 'how r u, we so wanted to ask but didnt know how'? which was nice as it cleared a bit of the 'elephant in the room' feeling (tho had to really fight the tears). tho felt guilty as it seems a bit harsh on my mate that 'her moment' has been clouded by mine, but in a way i cant help but think if thats the worst she has to put up with in her pregnancy then she's lucky.

wow, harsh! i am officially a bitter moo!

mrsbigz i think you are being so lovely thinking about what newbies may feel like if they were joining, it was and still is such a relief to talk to people who 'know' and it would be awful to put anyone off. tho i am pretty sure that one of the first questions newbies ask is 'when can i ttc again' (biology seems to be pretty consistent with most of us in that way), but in no way would i want to offend/put off anyone who didnt want to ttc so soon, as its completely understandable (and probably sensible!) I just know that 9 wks on, knowing ttc was on the horizon was the only thing that got me through.

i know that talking to a familiar group is easier, so for now I'd like to stay put... and see how it goes?! like others, am not sure how much baby chat i could take yet..?

also, do you have any other chains you could use for now mrsb?

hope everyones having a chilled sunday (i am after visiting a lush market, tho can currently hear through the wall the stroppy 3 year old next door screaming to her (6 months pregnant- can u believe it?!?!) mum, and its bloody mothers day here... maybe time for SATC.

ce xxx

I think talking ttc is different to talking pg. I'm not sure about the sister thread because it is for pg people as well as those ttc. For me ttc again ASAP was very important. I was so happy to be pg after 2 years. A few times I even said to DH, when suffering ms, back pain etc that I'd so much rather that physical discomfort than the mental pain we'd been in ttc after mc. I had no idea what life had in store!

Hello all, popping in to say I hope you are all doing as okay as can be. Kat, I didn't get any post-termination support either, other than one visit from a midwife (not my midwife - total stranger) the day after the second baby was born to bring the photographs I had requested of the baby. The first time I got nothing and had to go to the GP as bleeding just wouldn't stop, and she was shocked by the non-support (which happened again the next time). HOWEVER I might have been to blame, as after the first time when it happened the second time I gather I told the hospital not to bother asking my midwife to come and visit and that I would handle it myself. I don't remember this but happened upon it on the GP's computer screen when I went to the GP a few months later for something else. I suspect I might have said it in a haze of diamorphine. In any case I doubt they would have helped much. But it really SHOULD be offered.

Hi Blacktreaclecat, you have my every sympathy for having gone through fertility problems as well as this. I am a past-timer here, having lost 2 babies to conditions incompatible with life in 2008 and 2009. I now have a healthy one year old as well as a three year old that I already had before all this. I pop in and out here...

The division between the two sister threads is blurred, I think, which is probably a good thing. We originally decided to set up the sister thread because quite a few of us were pregnant and the people who weren't were probably fed up of hearing about how to pretend to drink alcohol to avoid people noticing early pregnancy, and it hurt them; and also the pregnant people, some of them, found it hard to talk openly about issues in the pregnancy because they knew it would hurt others. So we set up the sister thread originally as a 'support for women who are pregnant after a termination for abnormalities', not for women ttc (because basically we all were ttc, or about to, and ttc is as Blackcat says very different from actually being pregnant). Then during that thread a couple of the pregnancies turned into mc, and the women were trying to conceive again, but had obviously got used to the sister thread, so they stayed put, and we changed the title of the thread to include them too. Now a year or so on, almost all of the posters on the sister thread are either pregnant or have had babies. A couple are ttc after mcs that came after the termination. I would say that talking about ttc here is fine and normal and not off-putting to newly bereaved women in the same way as talking about pregnancy is. We all know that losing a baby makes us hormonally desperate (as well as terrified) to conceive again. My gut thought is that it would probably make sense for you as a collective group to mostly chat here unless you feel you're ready to talk about the details of pregnancy, or newborns, on the sister thread. But of course the boundaries are blurred and you would be very very welcome on the sister thread too. I think you might need to think most about all of you as a group - you have become so close and it would be nice for you to move altogether or not at all - and decide en masse where you would feel most supported and safe. And that could even be posting in both places, I suppose. The threads are meant to blur into each other a bit.
All that to say in short: you are welcome to move to the sister thread as soon as you feel able; you are also right to discuss ttc here as ttc doesnt offend newbies in the same way as pregnancy does; you need to do what feels right for you as a group of recently bereaved ttc women.

Gah, what an essay.

I found that other women's pregnancies didnt particularly represent hope for me, because I had lost two babies to unrelated conditions, and felt I was particularly prone to problems in pregnancy. So I just saw other women getting successful pregnancies after loss as normal, whereas I was somehow worse. Except when I was pregnant, there were posters ahead of me who had also had multiple losses, and that did give me hope.

Off to eat breakfast. I have to say there is a real raw energy here that is great to see.

Morning ladies xx

I just kicked my laptop hard right across the lounge floor, ripped out the cables and flung the 'fan-cusion' thing as far as i could down the garden. And now my toe hurts.

The lap top seems to have survived, but the fan is dead. Sigh. I dont loose my temper very often, (twice a year?) usualy only when very stressed. I didnt think i was stressed. Theres obviously a few fried wires in my head still.

kat - Bless you. It all needed to come out love. Good that theres no infection. Dont panic about the clot, i think its quite common. As blacktreacle says if theres no other symptoms its probably just more of the lining of the womb clearing out. Natures doing its thing. Not pleasant, i know. As you know i didnt get any profesional support either. Just after you joined here i got that call from the mw, about my missed appt. remember? I basicly had to councel her! It upset me to discover i had not recieved the support i should have. But when i thought about it - i would probably have refused visits anyway. Its just the way i am. Take things as slowly as you like. Theres no pressure to be 'better' untill you really are, if you know what i mean.

mrsbigz - Oh God! Your locket. How many kicks in the bol**x to we have to take?? Of course your little one isnt at fault - but heavens above. Was the chain insured? Let a jeweler take a look - perhaps it CAN be fixed. Have you got another chain you could put it on for now? Or a pretty ribbon?

backtreacle - Yay for you cyst being gone - thats brilliant. Everything crossed then ready for clomid next month. And also the fertility aid kitten of course!

cremegg - you did fine at your gathering! In the face of all that to cope with - sympathy and curiosity from friends, mixing it with lots of pg talk and strangers who dont know - you deserved the vino! Its true tho', its been odd things that have upset me - pregancy and other peoples babies dont faze me too much at all.

cant - hi there! Read your post carefully and i think you're 100% right about the ttc talk being a totaly different thing to preg. talk. Also about the two threads being blurred, as they are now, so that ladies can hop between them. Interesting to read about how the sister thread got going. Its easy to imagine how that happened - and its logical that we now have a 'recent loss - ongoing ttc support' thread AND a 'pregnant or ttc after loss' thread. Both have an important role to play.

I was thinking actualy - the fact that 4 or 5 (im guessing) of us all arriving on this thread within about 2 weeks of each other has probably meant that there has been an unusualy high rate of ttc talk lately. Once we're all off our first month and on our way at different points of our cycles it will seem less of a main topic i should think. eg: i've got nothing to say much about mine at the mo. cos i've got about a week and a half b4 my AF is due. But blacktreacle is having appts. and care at the mo. so of course she needs to chat about it. It IS natural that one of the themes of a support thread like ours is ttc - and hooray for it! Its kept me sane (?) some of the time.

My toe's throbbing less now - i spose i better go down the garden and retrieve the remains of my 'fan-mat' thing. , have a good weekend. No idea what we're going to do today....windy and damp here....the wether i mean xxxxxx

Hi all,

It's interesting to read what Cant says as obviously she has been around for longer and has seen the threads develop.

When I was TTC I didnt feel that the sister thread was right for me. Many people were in the 3rd trimester and there wasnt much TTC talk at all. At the same time I didnt feel this thread was completely right either for all the ins and outs of TTC. Most posts, mine included, were about the emotional aspect of ending a pregnancy, the aftermath and supporting each other with the feelings of loss etc. There were also posts about the immediate aftermath, funerals etc. There was talk of TTC because of course TTC is something most women are desperate to begin after ending a pregnancy. But on this thread it seemed more appropriate to talk about the emotional feelings of TTC rather than the practical aspects - e.g. day of cycle etc.

When I first posted on this thread I had just given birth to my baby and I was utterly devastated. I needed to talk about the feelings I was having and ask others how I was going to cope. I also posted about the funeral, the genetic testing we were having and then eventually I started to talk about TTC a little. I think because many of you have arrived at this thread at the same time you are all more or less at the same stage of your journey. And as already said it is very positive to keep supporting each other.

I dont really know what the answer is, I think in one way it may actually be useful to have a seperate thread purely for TTC after ending a pregnancy for medical reasons again as this is a distinct stage and could then allow for detailed talk about practicalities of TTC without fear of being offputting to a newly bereaved person. Most newbies arent offended by TTC as most people feel they want this too but I wouldnt want anyone new to feel they didnt want to post their raw feelings of being devastated for fear of making the thread suddenly focused upon the negative. Equally I'm sure there must be some people who decide not to TTC again, perhaps for reasons to do with age or even genetic results who still need support to help them come to terms with their loss.

That's not hugely helpful sorry! I'll be interested to hear others thoughts. Sorry no time for personals but love to all and hope everyone is ok.

cherry - great minds think alike! Crossed threads there xx

Thanks for the sympathy ladies. I feel a bit better today but still very tearful. Just need to get it all out I suppose.

cremegg I agree that if the worse your friend has to put up with is your awful experience casting a brief cloud over her evening then that's a burden she can more than take. (I am probably bitter too.)

I think I agree with blacktreacle that taking about ttc seems instinctive after a loss but I'm not sure I could cope with actual pregnancy chat either. I like knowing that women have gone onto have successful pregnancies after a termination, but I'm also uneasy about people not having had that. I think those who've had more than one termination or mcs in between are just so incredibly unlucky and if I'm honest, I fear that will happen to me too because, as we know through can't's experience, it can and does happen regardless of how desperately unfair it is. But if it does then as cant says at least there'll be others here who already gone through that too.

Anyway, I think it's been a useful thing to air though and I hope it wouldn't put other off joining in.

I think we need something funny to happen to someone soon...

Just wanted to add ...... my first reaction was to suggest another thread for only ttc after loss - but now i think that would fragment us all too much. ie: if there was

1. recent loss and dont want to ttc

1. recent loss and are ttc

and 3. loss suffered but now pregnant

we'd all have to keep shifting! lol. As has been said - many ladies may come here feeling the'll never want to ttc again - and then change their minds within a couple of weeks. I think stay as we are for now, and see how we go.

If there are any ladies lurking but not posting - COME ON IN! ttc or not - the kettles always on xxxxxxx

hi ladies, thanks for all sharing your opinions about the whole ttc thing (especially to cant and cherry who are further along the line from us.
i think what i've gleaned from it is that for now, the conversations that we are having shouldn't be too much of a put-off for any newly bereaved mums visiting this thread (and blimey - we are all decent enough people anyway to 'tone it down' in that situation and offer the emotional support and experience that is needed. so for now i'm happy to stay here (if you'll have me ) occasionally flashing a +opk!! and as someone else said - we all arrived here within a few weeks of each other so it is a natural progession. and i think we're comfortble enough with each other now to say something should we think the thread is getting toooo focussed on ttc and losing the support element (which i don't think would happen anyway).

god, babbling again. sorry - this is how i speak in real life btw!! takes me hours to get just a single point across. woe betide anyone who asks me a simple question as they'll get my whole life history before they get an answer!

kat really pleased you're in a better place today - tearful is to be expected. i did feel for you so much yesterday. i agree that it's just your body having a 'spring clean' so to speak, and getting is back into tiptop condition forwhen you fall pg again.

nothing funny has happened to me - but i went into the boys room this morning to get ds2 from his cot and smelt mint. when i got in closer i found his whole forehead smeared in toothpaste! turns out ds1 had been trying to teach him how to brush his teeth (in his cot) and ds2 wasn't too keen on the idea. amused me and dh this morning anyway, and their room now smells lovely and fresh!!!

mistyO OH ouch to your foot. and to your laptop. sounds like you had a bit of a morning of it :( hope both are recovering as well as they can (well, apart from the fan bit anyway). i get a little like you sometimes - usually calm and composed (so much so that people even call me laid back?!) but sometimes 'something' will trigger a reaction and i'll explode. usually avoid kicking things though as i've a very low pain threshold. top of the garden scream often works for me!!

cremegg wow that was one event to attend - well done for getting through it so well! i'm not sure at all how i would have coped, but you seem to have handled it perfectly (although i'm sure inside you were feeling completely different to your exterior self). and yes, if that's the only thing she has to deal with then she should think herself lucky.

one of my colleagues (who told me - very sensitively i should add - that she is pregnant has been grating me a little later to be honest. she's only 8-9 weeks so no one really knows yet (think she told me to 'prepare me') however since she has told me she's now sharing all symptoms with me. i.e. came in the other day and emailed me (although she only sits opposite) to say how the fruit tea so-and-so was drinking was making her nauseous. OMG - i would LOVE to be feeling nauseous right now! i'm sure she didn't mean to offend me, and i truly don't have a problem with her being pregnany but seriously DON'T complain to ME!! don't mind her sharing the good bits but i don't want to hear how she feels sick and tired, and her boobs ache. Sorry, mini vent over.

oh and misty ribbon....that's a good idea! was going to go to the shop anyway and 'see' whether they might take pity on me (prob not plus i haven't got specific cover for it) will check and see how much a replacement would be but i doubt i could justify it (after we bought the locket in the first place!)

anyway, veering off again so will go for now, have a lovely sunday everyone xxx

Hi all,

Super quick again, will you all stop posting so much?!? Ha ha, just kiddding

mrsbigz, you poor love, I was going suggest ribbon, or a pin/ safety pin? Sounds weird but that's how the Victorians wore lockets apparently, (history lesson!!), you can wear it with anything and it's a pretty secure way of doing it.

kat, glad you are feeling better; we've all had that massive blow up when all our fears come out so, again, it's just normal. And so much better that you are getting your feelings out and dealing with them, (even if it feels like you are not!). It's the braver and the healthier thing to do, but big hugs xxx

Everyone else

Re: moving/ not moving thread. As most of us have said, don't feel up to moving, don't want to lose this amazing little group we've put ogether, (though all newcomers welcome, misty has the kettle on, I'll bring the biscuits!!), but don't want to alienate anyone new finding their way here. Maybe we should have a designated ttc/opk day? All give a quick update on a Friday if we want too?

AB's at vastly increased levels seem to be working, but also worked out dates etc. have knocked this month out. Feeling slightly flat. DS off to Cornwall with his dad too, so feeling....flatter. But I will get over it!

Am staying of tea as it seems to make the kidneys flare up, maybe that's why I feel so grumpy!!!

Lots of love xxxxx

As a recent poster to this thread having lost (had a termination) a baby three weeks ago I don't mind hearing the ttc discussions that are taking place. I find it a comfort to know that others who have experienced terminations can and are looking to the future.

I am still devastated by my recent loss but seem to have moved on to anger and bitterness and am continually asking why? I know there is no answer but can't help myself.

I will continue to drop in and read how everyone is getting on.

Hi every one

When I first started ttc I moved to the other thread, but very quickly everyone was pregnant and nobody was ttc, I felt left behind and didnt feel comfortable anymore, cause as others have said ttc and being prgnant are two very different states with different emotions and issues etc. So I hung about over here.

Now I'm in a better head space I read and see how cherry and Natz and others are doing.

Kat glad you are feeling better today x

treacle yay for kittens as fertility aids!

lots of love