Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

ooh cinnamon, yay to the ring! what's it like? I am currently looking for a white gold aquamarine one (Indy's birthstone) i think i've found one in USA, just worried about sizes etc! Theres nothing in Adelaide even vaguely affordable, so don't really have chance to buy here... I think I will go with this one as it's a 'love knot' style which I thought was cool.

misty think it was yoga and blinking standing all day at school, have taken on a mega needy yr 8 class and i literally run around the class the whole time, pests! forgot to say how funny your frisky little kitty must have been! dont think ive ever seen a female cat like that, unless ours need feeding! no grass puke today, hooray!

flower hows puss settling in?

Mrs b i think thats a great idea, so cool to use what you have in a way that you really want it, and the realistic thing is your going to wear it more as a ring as you have your locket, so thats always better than jewels in a box i think :)

egglet hows the bladder doing?? they always say cranberrys good too, tho saying that one friend said the acid in it used to set hers off, but its helped me in the past.

i have parents eve tomorrow, boooo! i have to meet with the parents of the classes i taught before this all happened and then i had 5 weeks off and swapped classes to go part time... so basically i dont know all the kids im seeing at the parents eve and didnt get to do assignments and wont even be teaching them again, so will be a bit of a blag, hey ho!

xx

Sorry for lack of personals but I've just had a phonecall to say I do have a uterine infection after all, so I'm on another lot of antibiotics. I am getting really f*cking sick of this. I just want to get back to something approximating normal.

quicky from me so no personals (except to egglet - i'm SO sorry you're on another batch of AB's and Cinnamon yes i would say you're gearing up to O)

i'm having a really bad day. well it started last night when i got an email form a very well-meaning aunty (who i AM very close to admittedly) which blew me away. she'd spoke to me (in person) last week and said she'd 'heard' i was thinking about ttc again and it really worried her coz of our financial situation which took me by surprise anyway. but this email - said that we should give it 'serious' consideration, put our family first, our finances aren?t brilliant, is it fair to bring another child into the world in that situation etc. etc. both our mums help out with childcare and is it fair to them - could they cope looking after 3 kids??????
Forget the fact that we DID just made the MOST unselfish decision of our lives for our family! WTF?

On top of that i think I?m due on. Babies everywhere in town (with mums aged about 12!) - yes, that'd be Banbury Misty!!!!. should be my first due date in about 3 weeks from my m/c last year. Blah!

Oh mrsbigz - i'm going to PM you on FF xx

hellooooo... i'm back

I know it was bad form to 'post and run' but having posted I then got busy packing for holiday, being on holiday and then unpacking from holiday. Have just managed to get up to date on the thread.

The holiday was great - Ireland north and south for 12 days. And while it was a but stressfull getting organised for the trip actually I think it did me the power of good. My councellor is really pleased with how i'm doing since the termination and has discharged me! so I'm pleased about that.

I also went to the Foetal Medicine Unit yesterday and got the full results from our CVS. The good news is that the full results confirmed the initial results (Down's) and also that there was no chromosonal translocation so we've just been caught by the normal age-related chances of Down's syndrome and nothing more worrying than that.

I haven't really had a chance to catch up on all the posts in that last 3 weeks - will do my best to read properly later and do a name check... just wanted to let you all know that I'm back and doing ok...

Hey ladies, again,

egglet, that is awful, I am so, so sorry. Goes to show that you knew all along, not that I know that will be much comfort to you right now. I just hope the tablets work and that you are able to get the r&r you need to get fully better. I will keep everything crossed for you.

Been blasted side ways myself on 2 front, what is it with damn Wednesdays? Firstly, kidney infection back AGAIN. Only one day of AB's left and my symptoms are getting worse, so sore and achey. So back to the doctor's again tomorrow to beg for them to do something to actually get rid of this.I can't go though another 6 months of being poked, prodded and ill, especially as we can't ttc while all this is going on.

Secondly, got my letter from the consultant we saw last week, well a copy of the letter he has sent to my doctor. He says we had a termination due to Down's Syndrome. Eh? We have a termination because we were told little one would not survive due to the base of her umbilical cord not closing and a herniated stomach. Also, if there were any chromosonal issues, the only one mentioned to us was Edward's syndrome, this was never confirmed as I couldn't face a CVS and because the procedure was done outside the NHS there was no PM. It's upset my because 1) it infers our TOP was a choice, not something we had to do and 2) it's not what we were told.

Feel...sh*t. And have to go to work in 3/4 hour as I haven't had time to arrange cover so am going to spend the whole night trying to avoid being rugby tackled my 16 year old special needs kids for fear my kidney will explode.

But quickly mrsbigz, well meaning or not that message sucks. I hope you don't stay upset by it for too long, I just guess some people don't realise losing a baby before birth is still losing a baby. They would never be so....direct in those circumstances. Big hugs.

Welcome back knitter! Good news from the CVS, very pleased. That will be reassuring for next time.

Lots of love all xxxxxx

Welcome back knitter, good to hear about cvs results.

I'm afraid i've got weird brown spotting, i'm grumpy and over emotional tonight. Sigh - spose this is it then. Only 8 days after ov. Was kind of hoping for the full 2 weeks to live in a little hope this cycle b4 AF dumped her bags on the doorstep.

Never mind. More personals tomorrow.

cinnamon it sounds like you are heading towards ovulation to me, but I am as yet an amateur with opks. Anyway, sorry the stupid infection is worsening. I really do feel for you. Get a new letter sent out as you have the right to have the correct information recorded.

misty Bah to the spotting but at least things are working and better luck next time. (I have begun temping and opk-ing just out of curiosity as it?s day 19 now.)

cremegg hope your parents evening went ok and you blagged them all.

mrsb what a very bizarre email, I cannot begin to imagine how she thought that would help. I would do that thing were you write two replies, one saying what you really think full of expletives to get it all off your chest and then another toned down version that you actually send. Thanks for your concern etc. etc. etc. (I can help you with the expletives as I am getting swearier and swearier each day.)

I?ve had a pregnant-women-everywhere day too. Just try to think that you have no idea what they had to go through to get pregnant. (Admittedly this doesn?t work so well with the 12 year olds)

knitter glad you had a good holiday and I?m glad your results were the best you could expect. (I am worried sick about my cord karyotyping results as I think they are due back quite soon.)

So, not a good day for me but I suppose at least all this physical stuff might now be sorted. I actually had quite a long talk with the GP and he said this won?t affect my fertility. He then asked about my emotional state so I told him it was dreadful but what could be expected after going through this. He agreed, but said I could have sleeping tablets if I wasn?t sleeping and something for the anxiety if I wanted (diazepam I presume). I don?t think either are a good idea especially with a view to ttc soonish so I said I would try my hardest to manage without. I actually think I would feel mentally better if I was physically well. Here?s hoping being on two lots of antibs zaps it all.

I'm going to go to my parents for two nights next week and get a bit more of a rest. My parents are fabulously helpful and really keen to do what they can to help us out.

Anyway enough about me, hope everyone's ok.

Ok, jewellery first- mrsbigz I wouldn't at all be offended if you turned the pendant into a ring as others have said, I'd be pleased that you were using it! I would say get a few prices though as it can cost more than you think remodelling/ changing jewellery, I think. Cinnamon I'm pleased that you got a lovely ring to remember your little one. I wonder when we will stop knowing exactly how many weeks it's been? Ava was born 16 weeks tomorrow. I too am thinking of buying a ring or something to mark Ava's presence, her birthstone is a diamond though.... Hmmmm...

Oh, cinnamon and for the record it does sound like you're ovulating pretty soon! See what is shows tomorrow!

Sorry about the spotting misty, will this be your first proper period since? Something similar happened to me and my first proper AF came only 9-10 days after ov but the next cycle was back to normal and seems to have continued like that for the next 1 or 2 (fingers crossed this time anyway!) I carried the glass & tins recycling out today and have hurt my lower back. Am now convinced that it's linked to AF (I am 10 days post ov I think) and already feel a bit blue. Keep needing to remind myself that it's still such early days...... Oh, misty I have 2 birmans (they look like ragdolls but with White paws, a brother and sister, but they are punishing me for putting them in kennels for 2 weeks whilst we were on holiday- I've been cleaning up sick etc. for days now!

Egglet I'm so sorry you're so ill with this- you definitely need to look after yourself and staying with your parents is a good idea if they'll do some looking after you too. Hope the antibiotics kick in quickly and that you're feeling better soon. I think you're right, you'd feel a bit more positive if you were well, when you're feeling crappy then everything always seems worse, let alone when you've been through this.

Mrsbigz I think that although the email was well meant you should probably do as Egglet suggested! I hope it doesn't play on your mind too much and ruin the next few days. It would spin round in my head whilst I mentally composed replies that I would never send.

Hello to everyone else, inc cremegg- hope Parents Eve was ok- I don't miss those!! and flower, my kitten envy has gone with all my cats' dirty protests, but hope you're enjoying your little furry one!

Xx

hello ladies, thanks for all your responses. sorry (again!!) for lack of personals - meetings all day again tomorrow morning followed by (another) meeting in Kings Norton so busy day. must go and get some sleep.

quick update. did email my aunt back. was polite but to the point. no expletives.....they've just existed in my head today!

oh and AF is definitely here :( i thought i was going to be fine when it arrived - goddam, i was expecting it. but actually i've been quite teary this evening. like misty said, a couple more days of 'blissful ignorance' would have been nice. it's my first one, and it's come sooner than i would usually expect (am 11 days past O). oh well, hopefully the next cycle will be more 'normal'

sorry for the me post (and for being a little down) am sure i'll be a lot brighter when i speak to you tomorrow.

welcome back kittens btw!!! xxx

hi all

when the thread gets to 1000 you cant post any more its classed as full and some one will have to start a new thread.

hi misty yes im working nights for the next 4 weeks, do 3 on and 3 off. Kitty is just your average moggie, tabby and white, dad was the local tom who also got his/her aunty pregnant.
kitty is settling in well, is now sleeping in his bed and is very good about using his litter tray.

Egglet really sorry that you are still unwell, hope you get better soon and get lots of tlc.

cinamon glad you got your ring and have something special to remember your little one with. Your experience with the counsultant sounds awful, hope you get it cleared up and get some answers.

knitter welcome back glad you had a good holiday.

Mrsbigz sorry about af, but at least you know everything is working.

hi to everyone else, im now too tired to type and i have to input a load of patient notes still.

hope everyone has a good day xx

Ooh 'eck girls, we'll have to start a new one! Thanks for the info flowerxxx

Can't have been ov as did a test today and it was like my Monday one. Think this darn infection is just messing with my pee concentration, (I know, sorry, sorry! So gross!). Update - went to doc's again today, has taken me off the anti b's I'm on and has put me on some super kick ass AB's that from my records seemed to do the trick last time but do make me vomit and dizzy. On them for 2 weeks. Also has given me 9 - 9!!! - doses of anti thrush treatment. So that's something to look forward too! On the plus side, if these work, I'll be half way through a visit from Auntie Flo when I come off them, so should be okay next month.

I am sooooo jealous of all the cat talk, especially the talk of Ragdoll cats, which I too have wanted since I was a wee little one. Birmins sound equally gorgeous, I am having severe cat envy still!

egglet good news about your GP chat, and must be a relief. My doc offered sleeping tablets too, but I had the same reaction as I am not sure how long it takes for sleeping tabs to leave the system. I really think once you are over this horrible infection that you will feel better all round, fingers firmly crossed! xxxx

mrsbigz, good for you on the response and well done for keeping the expletives in your head, you have such self control! I think it was important to let your aunt know how you feel; so often we let slights go unaddressed because we don't feel strong enough to deal with them or don't want to cause offense, but I think you have done completely the right thing and am very proud of you. xxxx

myangelAva, it has really been cathartic to buy my ring; I've actually been able to tell people what it is for and feel....proud?....when I do. Diamond, eh? Do you have a birthday coming up? Anniversary? My ring is a solid silver band with gold ends that the stone is tension set in, so it looks like it's floating. It's from the Kenzo range and is a stacking ring, so am hoping when we are successful ttc and little one #2 is born, I can get another with his/her birthstone and I can keep my two bables together. As for when will we stop remembering the weeks/ hours/minutes? Don't think we will hon, it'll just get easier! At least I have stopped texting OH at the exact moment my procedure started having a meltdown...xxxxx

misty Sorry Flo put in an appearance, onward and upward to next month I say! We'll get there eventually love xxxx

cremegg - God, I used to hate parents evenings! Hope it went well, or at least very quickly! Good luck with your ring; could you get it adjusted at a jewellers near home? xxxx

Who've I missed?? Big hugs to knitter and blacktreaclecat. Can I ask you all to cross your lovely fingers and hope this nasty kidney thing goes away? Thank you!

Lots of love and achey, grumpy hugs xxxx

Hello girls xx

knitter - hi again - i was in a stinker of a mood last night, so didnt write anything to anyone. My moods are swinging WILDLY at the mo....but i'm glad youve joined us. So sound so chirpy - thats lovely

egglet - wish i could get to your charts on FF, sigh. So good to be nosey at other peoples cycles! I'll say whats already been said - i'm dead sure once that infection thats been lurking around has gone, you'll perk up in leaps and bounds. Depression, lethargy and hopless feelings are all common when the body is coping with a virus or infection. And afterwards in fact - which is why we ladies all need to take care of ourselves right now. All of us here have been through a pysical and mental trauma and deserve a bit of slack! I'd be the same about the tablets, egglet. The option is always there for you if you change your mind - but i'm glad you're giving it a go without them

myangel - Diamonds ay?? Oh well - a diamond it must be then! Yep this is my first cycle since my term. i'm on day 32 of cycle, day 9 after ov. Pretty much the same stage as you then ... marching confidently on to next month ...sigh. Although the spottings gone again today. Oh well. Birmans! Ahhh. They're lovely. One lives next door to my mum and i always admire it. he he - animals do punish us for leaving them dont they. I used to have a Great Dane and he wouldnt 'speak to me' if i'd been out for more that a couple of hours. Funny.

cremegg - laughed about your parents eve. problems. EVERYBODY hates parent evenings - teachers and parents! Seen both sides of it and was always amused to see the dread on both sides. lol. What age is year 8 there? Here it's 2nd year of 'high school'. 12 ish.

mrsbigz - well done for staying polite. It doesnt help to 'burn bridges' tho', i know. Just gives you more to clear up later! What a horrid thing to have hanging in the air tho'. It's your Aunt who needs to think a bit harder - not you love xxxxx

and flower - hope you got some sleep. I admire you for doing shift work like that ... my head would be gone! It puts me out if i oversleep an hour! lol. I think 'average moggies' are fab. btw. I took on a male and female (unrelated) av. mog. when i first left home. The lovely male reached 16 years of age, and my little lady died only 2 years ago - at 19 and a half! She'd seen my 17 year marriage start and then fail, have 3 daughters, moved with us from london to the country, find a new man, move again, put up with dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, kids friends and God knows what else over the years - always there with good grace and a purrr xxxx bless.

Anyway, i've had a right old ramble again. Yesterdays spotting has gone - got teary yesterday out of the blue. My follow up apt. with the consultant came through this morn. Its for the 24th - and i'll have to go alone, so i hope the news on translocation is good...how many of you ladies went with your OH?

xxx

cinnamon! We've bloody done it again! lol X posts xxxx

Your ring sounds lovely cinnamon i can picture it! What a lovely idea to stack it when you have baby xxxxxx Sad about peeing ...... i think you're probly right about the peeing concerntration thing. Those hormones are always around (i read) and strong wee can show a false pos. (not like pg tests). Sounds like these tabs will do the trick with your infection. Better to have a couple of rotton side effedts but knock it on the head quick?! Fingers are VERY crossed for you lovie xxxx

Afternoon ladies
Thought I would join you here, even though things don't happen until tomorrow morning :(
Not read the full thread yet to know who is who etc - will do that but not just yet
For UTI I normal drink loads of cranberry juice & find that helps & either a hot water bottle or wheat pack on small of back to help with aches.
We have two cats - both moggies & I love them go bits. One is 18mths & other is 9mths. They are not related but get on really well, sleeping & playing together.
Take care out there, share a smile you never know what will happen :)
X x

really quick before my next meeting cinnamon - when peeing on opks the best time frame is from about 2-6pmish. not in the morning as there is 'usually' a faint concentration of LH in your pee then anyway. sorry not told you before. afternoon def best.

and welcome stunned sorry you're finding yourself on these boards - the ladies here are all wonderful and will answer any questions, give you virtual hugs and listen to you (well, me lately) vent away about anything you want. i hope tomorrow goes as well as can be expected for you - will be thinking about you.

everyone else - i PROMISE i will do personals tonight - must dash!! xxxx

Hello again stunned -

Sorry you're here - but glad you're here if you know what i mean?
We will all definately be thinking of you tomorrow. Virtually holding your hand xx

We have got a bit of a feline theme at the mo. - but its not compulsory, lol.

If it helps, perhaps we could each give a brief idea of how we arrived here because i know its tricky working backwards to try to work it all out .... it may benefit others who may be following our thread too. This is a busy thread.

my situation is: same age as you, stunned, 3 teenage daughters, fell pregnant in January with much, much loved and wanted baby with my new man - but 13 week scan showed problems which were confirmed by CVS - DS and a heart condition. We terminated at 13+4 with GA. (i was 'lucky' to be just in time for that) That was 5 short/long weeks ago.

Must dash now - but welcome in. As i said b4 - the kettles always on here ...

Hi stunned, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I will also catch up with your story on the other thread tonight. I just want to say that you will be ok and we are here for you when you get back xx

Cinnamon I was thinking of stacking rings- I didn't get a ring for my DS and thought it would be nice to get 2 together... And maybe even add to it if/ when we hopefully have a third. Would prob have to be quite a fine ring though- I'm only little! Your ring sounds beautiful. As I was saying I've been toying with the idea but diamonds, rings etc. it's expensive. I might have a look around though as I really would like a reminder- something beautiful on Earth that I can l carry around with me always.

misty do you think your spotting could have been implantation bleeding? 9 days post ov the disappeared? I've never had it but I believe it does happen! Maybe? Fingers crossed x

Egglet I'm hoping you're feeling a bit better today and I agree with the others. At least the tablets are a back up plan, but Im sure things will be a bit brighter when you're feeling well again.

Hello to all- have been summoned downstairs for dinner! Sorry to those I've missed out but hope you are all well and have had a lovely day today. Today is exactly 16 weeks since I delivered Ava, so kisses to her in heaven xxx

hi stunned sorry you have ended up here, but as misty said glad you have, theres lots of support and hand holding, thinking of you.

The feline theme is my fault as we have just got a kitten after a while ttc so I get to be 'mum' of sorts. We lost Isabelle last august, she was my first pregnancy. found out she had anencephaly, which is incompatible with life at 13 week scan, I had surgical termination the next day as I was 13+4.

I forgot my story- sorry. I am 32, lost my daughter Ava (2nd child & pregnancy) due to Edwards- diagnosed (by small for dates, cardiac abnormality and finally crossed fingers on one hand- confirmed by an amnio) and ended the pregnancy at 26 weeks.

Hi all, just calling in quickly as I'm very tired - had a proper busy day today and not used to it.

Stunned, I'm so sorry you're here but it's a good place to be in these appalling circumstances we're all in. I hope tomorrow goes quickly for you and you will get through it. Thinking of you. x

stunned quick back story for me. i'm 36, and have two young boys. this ws my 5th pregnancy (have had 2 previous m/c). i lost my baby girl Eve just over 6 weeks ago at 17wks. the nuchal translucency was 7.4mm the 12 (well 13) week scan, gave us a 1:5 risk of DS which was confirmed by amnio at 15 wks. by this time there was an enlarged cystic hygroma - and we made the hard decision to end the pregnancy.

As i said earlier - will be thinking about you tomorrow and we'll all be waiting to give you a hug when you come back to us. xxxx

myangelava - hope you enjoyed your dinner!! hope you're ok it being 16wks since ava was delivered. i find it amazing how quickly (and yet slowly) time goes past afterwards. eve was 6 weeks yesterday!

misty how is the spotting today? i'm someone who's had implantion spotting before, but as someone who also spots before AF anyway it's hard to distinguish sometimes! hope you're feeling ok anyway? my follow-up consultant appt is on the 23rd, and although i'm hoping that dh will come with me, we might have a problem with childcare (preschool pick-up) so i might have to go on my own too....will let you know how it goes.

cinnamon i love the sound of your ring - a beautiful idea too to have a stacking ring! and sorry your still feeling crappy but hope that the super bad-ass antiB's get rid of it and you can move onto your next ttc cycle!

flower hope you managed to get some good sleep today....i too couldn't cope with doing shiftwork i don't think!!

cremegg hope that your parents evening went ok and the parents were suitably happy about how well you knew their kids!!

knitter welcome back! glad you had a lovely holiday - ireland is beautiful isn't it! and i'm so pleased that the full results came back ok. we had the same results with our DS - no translocation just 'bad luck' and no reason that it would happen again (although yes i guess age is a factor too!!)

egglet i'm hoping that you're feeling a little better today. i think i would be the same - refusing the sleeping pills, especially as not sure how long they last in the system. i hope that you're not in too much pain, and are being well looked after.

to everyone else - sorry who i've missed. my day has been ok mainly because i've been so darn busy!!!! but busy is good sometimes. had a well disguised wobble when i came out of my meeting in kings norton and went to sign out....there was not one but TWO pregnant ladies stood there, rubbing their bellies! felt like slapping them but instead smiled sweetly and ran to my car!!
also i got a reply from my auntie. apologising if she upset us - didn't mean too. i intend to reply again to her later, but i will be nicer than i was last time. don't want any bad feeling - she is my mums sister, but did (and do) need to get my point across. i actually had a really lovely chat with my mum last night, told her about the email (although didn't namedrop) and we had a really in depth chat about how we're both feeling about things which was nice.

working at home tomorrow so will be able to sneak on here without fear of getting caught!!!

lots of love and shortbread xxxxxxxxx

misty & mrsbigz just wanted to say that my DH did go with me to the consultant appt (he missed the fatal scan when everything was starting to go wrong and has vowed never to let me go to an appt alone again- I think he thinks it was a bit his fault, although obviously it's not!) Anyway, it seemed to be an appt for me to ask questions and get the full story. I have a definite diagnosis so it wasn't something I couldn't have done on my own if I'd had to but obviously it was nice to have him there- so he coud get things straight in his own head too- what happened, Ava's condition, future pregnancy risks & tests/ care that will be offered. Hope that helps x

Morning girls -

Oh gosh - first thoughts after reading your posts is that perhaps i should push for OH to come to my follow up. The thing is we havn't had ANY results sent to us about baby. I was thinking it would just be a case of "are you ok? Good" basicly, and maybe the transllocation results. But it sounds from what's been said here that the consultant may talk about baby's results and the consequences for future pregnancys??? I'll cry, i know i will. Oh God. I know its sounding like OH is a pig for not wanting to come, but with his work at the mo, (without boring you solid about the building business) if he has a day off he AND 5 other guys loose money. He had a week off with me between CvS and termination - and a couple of days recently with his wisdom teeth! Oh my word hark at me rambling!! But i'm worried now.

What would you all do???

Implantation bleeding - hmmmm. I wasnt daring to think it! Dont know! My temps have just got higher - spottings so slight its almost not worth mentioning. Here comes TMI .... its not enough to mark my undies - just a blush when i wipe - but not everytime tho...

Now i've mentioned it 'out loud' i'll probly come on like a train later! lol

Sorry for the me me post. I'll be back later with more personals. Swimming in a mo - sigh - not realy in the mood. Worried now.

stunned lovie - thinking of you today. Wishing all goes smoothly and that you come back and talk to us when you feel you can. Lots of love to you XX