Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

mrsbigz yes I know what you mean but every other cycle has still gone on for 44 days. I suspect that it's more of a problem to have a very short luteal phase as that can affect implantation, so I'm going to try not to worry about it. I don't have my old charts otherwise I would send them you! Is it fertilityfriends you use as I want to start using an online one too?

misty thanks, that makes sense. I'm noting the bleeding in my diary so as soon as it has nearly stopped I'll start charting properly.

Just had a lovely friend round. I only cried a little bit and only because she did first! She's also offered to speak to one of the non-responder friends as she knows them and is surprised they didn't respond.

Hello to everyone else and hope you're all ok.

Hi all - I'm back!!!!

Okay, still not 100% or anything, more like 60% but not being sick anymore so that is brilliant. Am still stupidly tired, and still very achey but I'm getting better with no fever. Thank you so much for all my virtual hugs; I'm sure that's what has helped!

Not sure I'm going to be able to keep up with the personals; like bluecat said, so much has happened! Will give it a go though....

Firstly hi and hugs to blacktreaclecat, I remember we spoke a month or so ago on another thread and while I am so sad and sorry for your loss, I'm glad you have found your way here. There is a lot of support/ wisdom to be found and we are all going on a bit of a crazy journey together, so join in, safe in the knowledge you can say pretty much anything, (read some of my old posts, I've been a proper fruit bat at times!) and everyone will understand and give lots of love.

Everyone else, you have been busy! Still haven't indulged in any opk's, mainly because I've been stuck in bed but you have certainly been making up for my slackness! Quick question, what's ewm? I know I could look it up but.....ummm...I'm lazy.....sorry........

On kind of a related theme, hobbled into the hospital yesterday for my consultant/ 6 week check up. Poor guy took one look at me and said, 'Are you alright?', calmed down considerably when I explained about the kidneys! Anyway, he was brilliant, said there was no reason not to start ttc as soon as possible and to call his secretary as soon as I get a positive to start arranging my antenatal care. They'll give a dating scan at 8 weeks to make sure we know exact times then will offer NT/scan and CVS immediately at 11 weeks if that's what we want. OH was on form too; because I'm on pretty mega anti b's we were worried about ttc this month. He asked consultant what we should do. Actually, what he said was, 'If this clears up straight away, how soon into this cycle can we start actively trying again?', which made me giggle as he sounded very professional. All my Robert Winston chats have paid off! Anyway, apparently anti b's clear your system within 24 hours, Though if we did 'slip up', (ooh err missus, sorry...), then it wouldn't be ideal but would also not be a worry as the tab's I am on are given to pregnant women and even new borns. As we were leaving he said, 'well, I'll hopefully be seeing you again before then end of the year then'. Hurrah! Anyhoo, (gosh this is a looong post!), based on my usual cycle, (29 days) and the 14 days after last day of period for approximate ovulation, I should be anti b free during those golden 48 hours. So I might be on the ttc wagon this month after all, hurrah again! Pass me a pee stick!

mrsbigzsocialsec (phew!!) Thursday and Friday of most weeks are good for me, can't do weekend of 25th June, (OH birthday) or 2nd July (going to see Kevin Spacey play Richard III at the Old Vic, get me!).

Have made a decision too, inspired by so many of you lovely ladies. I feel like I want a reminder of little one to keep close to me, so for my birthday, (in July), amd going to have a ring with her birthstone in. Feel it's time to start celebrating her with something as beautiful as she was.

Right, now I've overloaded the thread am going to go for a quick lie down. MIL is here helping so life is pretty easy and I should make the most of it!

Big hugs all xxxxxx

Great news about your ttc cinnamon! Hooray! And i'm glad to hear your picking up health wise xxxxxxx you sound much happier.

What a lovely idea about the ring with the birthstone. Something to keep forever close to you. Perfect.

My blossom canvas (my symbol of baby) has gone very wrong. The site - canvasmagic - steer clear everyone - has crashed, and despite my attempts to communicate with them on paypal resolutions, it looks like i'm not getting my picture and i have to go through a lengthy claims proceedure to get my money back. Very sad and disapointed given the reason behind the picture....sigh. Never mind.

EWM is, - 'ahem' - Egg White Mucus! Lovely ay?? lol. Its the mucus we all dream of because when it turns up it means (hopefully) ovulation is occuring.
xxxxx

Oh right....ewwww....ha ha! Yep, that's what it looks like!!

Glad I asked, won't be eating omlettes for a while !

xxxxxxxx

Brilliant news all round cinnamon, I like your ring idea too.

misty that's awful about your canvas. I hope you at least get your money back and can look elsewhere for a print. I have this on my bedroom wall which I think is very pretty, if you were looking for a replacement blossom print :
www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/Painting/37/Blossoming-Almond-Tree.html

I went to a not so local park but still bumped into someone who said 'I haven't seen you for ages, I heard you were expecting again' and I burst into tears. I managed to explain but it was f*cking awful and I feel like I am certainly not strong enough to explain to people I am inevitably going to meet.

The bleeding has got worse again today too, is this normal fluctuation, no pain or anything else, just heavier?

Anyway, am off to bed and hope that I feel stronger tomorrow. Hope you're all doing better than me!

Also cinnamon I saw Kevin Spacey in Speed the Plow at the Old Vic a couple of years ago and he really is a brilliant actor. I'm not familiar with Richard III (he's the evil hunchback one isn't he, with the princes in the tower?) but it will probably be great! I'm jealous.

cinamon glad you are felling better and starting on the ttc!

misty sorry about your canvas, hope you find one that is just right to remember your little one with.

Kat sorry you are having a hard time, big hugs xx

We went and saw a kitten today, which we have brought, collecting him on tues, so for the next week at least I'm obsessed with all things feline.

hi ladies, just a quick one from me i'm afraid as i'm pooped after my fun filled meeting in basingstoke today.
kat i use a website called Fertility Friend - you have to pay a small fee to use all of the analytic tools, but if you PM me your email address i can send you a referral which gives you some free days (that way you can check and see what you think about it!!) i've used it for the past 3 years and have found it really useful, not only for conceiving ds2 but also just tracking my cycles and seeing what my body gets up to!! re: the heavier bleeding i think that's just normal, i had fluctuations like that too.
cinnamon am REALLY glad you're feeling better, and that you may will be able to ttc this month.

flower yay for getting a kitten!!! i would love us to have a pet, but we're not around enough for a dog, and dh doesn't 'do' cats!!!
misty0 OMG about your canvas, that is really crap. i hope you manage to get your money back from them, but even worse like you said is the reason you wanted to purchase it in the first place!
to everyone else. so sorry this is short. got home (late) to find the in laws here as FIL had been helping DH fix a radiator leak, and MIL was watching the kids. because the radiator was in the boys room, they were an hour late to bed, then we had to feed the in laws as they'd been here helping us out, then i had a shower, and now i have to go to bed as have a day full of back to back meetings tomorrow!!! roll on the weekend, that's what i say!
will catch up properly very soon xxxxxxxxxxxx

hey all, have been rubbish at posting lately! in laws were here from uk for 2 weeks and school started back before they even left so it has been a bit mad! enjoying my day off (new timetable :) today, well doing washing, cleaning etc that hasnt got done while they were here (we went on short hol on river)

Anyway, glad to see all the ttc action! flower yay to kitty, i love cats, mine have got more clingy lately as its getting colder in the eve and ots fab to have a lap cat :)

cinnamon hope you're feeling better? love that your dh took charge in the meeting, i was suprised when my Dh asked q's too, was impressed :)

kat hope you are doing ok, the best advice i got was 'be kind to yourself' so after horrible meetings with people who didnt know, or seeing a close friend (whos due any day now grr) id treat myself to something or some time out. am going to due-any-day nows bday meal tomorrow, DH really doesnt wanna go but hey ho, we cant hide forever and i have found it to be ok when its a planned thing than when something happens that we hadnt prepped for.

well i think im on cd 15 (cycles been a bit of a guess tbh, has been difficult to work out when bleeding stopped and proper af happened but nurse seemed pretty sure af was 2 weeks ago) SO.. we've had SWI every other day since fri, must keep going this eve, lol! i did some crazy poas on tues and i thought it could have been af due day (course it was -ve), but now am hoping i was wrong and nurse who worked out dates is right and therefore am still in the running for this month, oh the joy of finding the most convenient theory eh?!?

waves to everyone (hoping you're saner than i am at the mo!)
xxx

Hello everyone,

cinnamon i remember asking what EWM was on a forum once about a year ago, and my reaction was the same as yours!

kat - thank you xx you know what? When i was choosing a picture of blossom (it took ages to pick just the right one) I managed to get it down to a choice between two: the one i went for and the one you've got on your wall!! We must have similar very good taste . The reason i went for the other is that it was so close to exactly what i could see that day. Quite photographic. Cant give you a link, cos the blasted website i got it from is still down. I used to paint for a living - so i could just paint my own, but i'm too critical of my own work and would just sit looking at it picking fault! lol. I'll try to buy one again when i'm in a better frame of mind about it. You're day was rotton yesterday wasnt it? You poor thing. Its awful getting choked up at the best of times, let alone outside in public with a vague aquaintence! There WILL come a point when everyone knows and you wont have to explain anymore. Is there any way you can get friends to 'spread the word' a little bit for you? What i mean is - when we were telling people what had happened, my OH would say "tell so and so for us would you? And anyone else you think should be told". We thought people might think they shouldnt mention it to others if we didnt say that.....dont know if that would help you at all. for you tho' kat. xxxxxxx I'm on FF too BTW, so you could join me and mrsbigz boring each other silly with the minute details of our charts on there. Its a great site.

flower ahhhhhhh, a kitten! I adore my two. They're 8 months old now and enormous! What is yours like? You can talk animals to me all day! I love them. Like i said - i fell preggers the first cycle after getting my two ........ i'd pretty much given up on ttc so got cats instead. lol. Bit like couples who go through IVF and then give up and fall pregnant naturaly. So ...... kittens are like IVF??? Where am i going with this ???? Thats not what i meant!

mrsbigz - ooooh you must be tired after that day yesterday. Just think of how well you're coping with everything now tho'. It's good to hear. Hope your radiators sorted!

cremegg - Fingers all XXXXX'd for you this month xx

Ok, well, i need to go now. Cant put it off any longer - need to go swimming and dont fancy it today. Dont feel as 'up' as i have done recently. Have a good day ladies xxxxx

Just read that back - mrsbigz i'm not bored with your details! That came out wrong! I'm loving it all xxxxxxx

Hi all

mrsbigz I'll pm you for a referral, I need some charts in my life. Glad your radiators are fixed, things like that are a little drip drip of stress in your life that you just don't need. Ta for the reassurance about the bleeding too, it's settled down again now.

misty It is a lovely picture, I bought it after seeing it in the Van Gogh gallery in Amsterdam. I think painting your own would only be good but only if you could not look at it critically, so perhaps best to buy one. I'm well impressed you painted for a living, you must have talent! Hope you had a good swim. (I hope cats aren't the equivalent of IVF as I'm very allergic to them.)

Hi cremegg and thanks. I am fine with planned meetings too so far, but the unexpected nature of yesterday threw me. I have an acquaintance with the same due date too. I'm just going to have to hope I don't see too much of her. Hope you are still in the running for this month.

So, the girl I cried at yesterday phoned me this morning (we did have each others numbers but haven't been in touch for months). I knew she had had terrible problems in ttc before she finally had her daughter and had had mcs and I thought she'd had a termination at 12 weeks. However, it turns out she had one at 20 weeks and was so sympathetic and helpful. She's invited me over next week and has told me to ring her before if I need to talk. So out of a horrible experience has come something positive. There's some sort of lesson in there somewhere, isn't there?!

Anyway, need to plan a safe outing for when the beast wakes up. I am risking nothing local today.

Have a good day!

Hello lovelies!

Oh kat, I am so glad that your experience the other day has had a really positive outcome. I found comfort and support from the strangest places when I told people about little one, (I think we've all found that), and tragic situations do bring people close together. This lady sounds like she could be a brilliant support, and that she'll understand exactly how you are feeling. I'm so glad that you have found someone in RL to talk to.

If it helps, I still tear up when I have to tell people for the first time, 6 weeks on, but more in a watery eye way, not the full blown gale of tears it used to be. It does get easier to cope with. Plus misty's suggestion is a brilliant one that we used too, as a matter of fact my ex did a lot of the 'notifying' for us. It helped so much.

Talking of ex's, my OH's evil cow who is due the same week our baby should have been born decided to phone the lads' last night to crow about the fact she's having a little boy and they are going to call him Jonathon. After what we have been through!!! She could have text if she were so desperate to share the news, or why not wait till she next see the boys? (Though God knows when that'll be as she last saw them 3 weeks ago so they're not due a royal visit for at least another fortnight or so). But, no, she decided to call at home, on the home 'phone, when she knew I would be there. Stayed on the 'phone for a whole 2 minutes, just long enough to completely rattle my cage. In OH's words, 'twisted little b*tch'.

I'm very jealous of all the cat talk; OH and I would love to get a cat but middle DS is allergic so no chance unless we want him constantly dosed up on Piriton. It'll have to be another baby then, hee hee.

Welcome back cremegg! And considering the insanity that is ttc, I think you seem very sane indeed!

Talking of the 'insanity', the infection seems to be subsiding so it's this month hopefully, (think I said that before but as I am quite excited, thought I'd say it again!). DS 3, (littlest lad), is in Cornwall with his dad Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, so will be off to Boots for some opk's and will be doing some excel spreadsheets!

Hope everyone else is good, keeping happy and strong, and lots of hugs to you all, mwah mwah!!

xxxxxxx

Hi,
Loving the pussycat talk. Mine is my baby, we got her in October and got pg in Dec, think they relax you.
Having a down couple of days. Yesterday should have been our 20 week scan.
My friend had a baby girl today. I know I should say I'm happy for her but I'm not. Why should she get a healthy little girl and not me? I feel very bitter and full of hate.
We have referred ourselves to care Nottingham for an IVF consultation. We have fertility problems anyway but have had a natural pg ( mc 7 weeks) and a clomid (t21). It is really that I want to know about array cgh- a new technique that minimises the risk of mc or chromosomal abnormality by testing the polar body of the egg and only putting back normal embryos. This is giving me hope.
Xxx

blacktreaclecat, you are not full of hate, you are full of grief. There is no good reason why your friend should have had a healthy baby, yet you should have found yourself in this situation. You should both be able to be happy. I think that is why we have all found this so hard to come to terms with; there is not one of us that has done anything wrong and normally you have to do something wrong for a bad thing to happen. You love your baby and try your hardest, eat the right things, take the right vitamins and...oh, some bugger decides that that's not enough and we end up here.

The important, really important thing to remember is that, it can, AND WILL, be you one day. You have got your referral to Nottingham, you'll find out about the new technique.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad, it's a totally normal part of the grieving process. If I had a pound for every pregnant/ just announced they were pregnant/ just holding a newborn person I wanted to scream at then punch in the face, I'd have a lot of money honey!! But I can now be happy for other people, and so will you. And they will be happy for you too.

We should have had our 20 week today; sucks doesn't it honey?

Give yourself a big hug and here, , there's one from me

xxxxxxxxx

Hi ladies - back again.

kat, that is good news that something good came of your experience with that lady. They say everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it really seems like that doesnt it?

cinnamon - sorry to hear what your OH's ex did. Rise above it lovey! You'll be all the better person for it. I read/saw something recently about cat allergys. The accepted wisdom is that its an allergy to the 'dander' or dust in the fur. But now i think they've proved that in most cases its an allergy to the saliver thats dried on the fur after they've cleaned themselves (sorry about this! Just wondered if you knew) - and i think they've found a safe/drugless way to do something about it ..... yay for getting your OPKs - start away!

blacktreacle - cinnamon is right you're not a bad person for having these thoughts. We can't help what we think and feel sometimes - it's how we act on them that makes us 'good'/'bad' or indifferent. We all just smile and try to say something nice when confronted with these situations - although inside we feel like shrivelling up hiding away forever. Or, as cinnamon says - punching them on the nose! I think everyone here has confessed to having awful thoughts at some point. All these feelings will pass ..... just a case of slogging it out and letting 'time heal'. We're all here for you to let it all out to, and will never judge you, or be cross

Me today - very down and grumpy for some reason. Short tempered and lazy feeling. I didnt get my a* to the swimming pool till 11 o'clock this morning (usualy there by 9) and at that very moment it miraculously filled up with about 100 aqua-aerobic women. God love them, i'm sure they're all lovely people, but i could cheerfully have slapped each and every one of them round the head today! It was like trying to do lengths in the shipping lane of the Atlantic Ocean. Grrrrrrrrrr. I'm putting my mood swing down to hormones. I know they're there 'cos my OPKs have gone blank now. I s'pose i should be grateful for that information at least. I'm going to take my grumpy self up for a shower now .....

Better mood tomorrow hopefully.

misty - at least you did get your a*e to the pool, and well done for persevering in the face of multiple aqua aerobicers. I haven't done any formal exercise since 2006, ha ha!

It is the hormones honey, don't you just love 'em?

xxxxxx

Hello everyone,

Just a quick stop by from me to say hello and welcome to Blacktreaclecat - very sorry you find yourself here. There have been a couple of ladies who have posted here in the past who have problems with fertility (Ghislaine and Peantuhead if you're lurking, hoping you're okay x) and it is such an extra unfairness to deal with following ending a wanted pregnancy. I can't begin to imagine just how hard it must be but just wanted to say good luck with the next steps re IVF. In terms of having bitter thoughts - we've all experienced this at times but it certainly doesn't mean you're a bad person, just as Cinnamon says, part and parcel of grieving. My friend had a similar due date to me and now has a healthy baby girl (my baby was a girl, born at 20 weeks when we ended the pregnancy due to a rare chromosomal abnormality) but I realised whether my friend had a baby or not, my grief would be the same. It was mine and no external happenings could ever change it. Anyway, probably no help at all but just want to reassure that what you're feeling is normal but it will pass in time.

Misty - many thanks for your post on the sister thread. I've calmed down (a bit). Sorry you've not had the best day. Had to laugh at the image of you whacking a load of aqua ladies though.

Love to everyone else, this thread, despite the sadness, has such a lovely positivity about it at the moment which is wonderful and very healing.

Flower - how exciting getting a kitten. I LOVE kittens. I must say though ladies I am very of all your lovely feline family members. I have a cat who looks completely beautiful but she is the most antisocial, disagreeable, unaffectionate creature. I love her still but cant help dreaming of a cat that will sit on your lap that you can stroke. DP tries very hard to win her over but she still swipes at him every time he walks past her! I read recently that you should make a kitten lie on its back on your knee with its tummy exposed and stroke its tummy gently. Apparently they dont like this as its the most vulnerable part of their body. But if you do this regularly when they are a kitten they learn they can completely trust you and are more confident cats. Might be a load of rubbish but wish I'd tried it with mine when she was a kitten.

Anyway enough feline flannel from me - love to all and I look forward to seeing ALL of you on the sister thread soon enough.
Cherry x

hi everyone. meetings again today hence me being so quiet - i barely saw my desk, just sat round various tables with various people talking about stuff i don't really understand yet!!

had a wobbly moment today (first time in a little while too) in my way back to the office walked into the reception area and heard a newborn baby cry - looked around and saw the tiniest baby girl in a pram to my right. completely froze and welled up all at the same time (and got a funny look from our receptionist too!) the 'mum' appeared immediately after and also gave me a funny look as i was obviously hovering near her baby.....didn't recognise her but assume she's one of our staff on maternity leave coming in to show off her baby. shouldda been me in a few months time.

but also like kat had an unexpected liaison yesterday, was walking down the road with a colleague (who i know is pregnant and due in oct, so that part was hard) but she mentioned me being off so i told her.....and she also lost a baby back in 2008 at 17wks, due to chromosomal problems (they lost him naturally, and found out afterwards that he had an all extra chromosomes). never realised that before, i thought she'd just had a late loss. she was a huge support and talked about how she'd coped. and i couldn't begrudge her being pg (even though i'm SO jealous) because i know she had fertility probs and i know it took her a while to conceive again because of it. she now has a healthy 1yr old and as i said is pg again. swings and roundabouts!

misty sorry to hear about your pool rage this morning. i tried aqua aerobics once and nearly drowned!! at least you're keeping fit, more than i am! was awake in the night with ds1 (he had a blocked nose and thought someone was holding it - bless!) and then woke really early, went back to sleep and overslept....needless to say i didn't temp this morn and am kicking myself!! also hope that you manage to source a new blossom print (and V impressed that you can paint!!!!)

cinnamon OMG i want to hunt out your OH's ex and punch her (sorry - must be the hormones here too!!!) - how completely insensitive of her....though by the sounds of it you expect nothing less. sorry she was a cow though, and glad to hear you rose above it. for your 20wk scan today too - i went through that a couple of weeks ago and if things had gone to plan we would have 'just' found out that we were having a little girl....

cherry hi, i (still lurking!!) read about your experience on the sister thread but was too angry for you to respond there!! omg!! hope you're feeling more positive today - you certainly sound much happier!!

cremegg what does SWI stand for?? seen it written a couple of times and too lazy to look it up? was more amusing to guess....sex with insemination? standing without insects, sleeping with ice???? i could go on....please put my mind at rest!!

kat hope you got the referral i sent through. you'll have to find me and misty on there and we can chart stalk til our hearts content!

right, i've just done an online shop but in my tired state i duplicated my orders so had to ring and explain myself to member of the online shopping team that i want to cancel the 2nd order, but have it delivered on the original date......you'd think that wouldn't be hard to do?? they then asked if i would like to do a survey about the service i received.....too right i did!!!!

babbling now, i will leave before i say something silly. hope everyone else is ok - sorry i've not personalled everyone. working from home tomorrow so at least i don't have an hours commute with crap drivers and trying to avoid tractors on the back roads.....

speak soon lovely ladies xxxxxxxxxx

lol mrsb its Sex With Intent I believe! hehe! hows your day at home?

i had a crazy day with 4 lessons in a row with the same year 8 class, WAY too much! i could have punched a few of them on the nose by the end! (hormones?? theirs as much as mine i suppose!)

funny you shoudl mention the training them as kittens thing cherry when we got ours they were pretty affectionate, but my DH would always rub their tummies and now they are mega affectionate. one will paw at DH til she rubs him, but will do it without claws, v cute but also a bit demanding! they are still independent madams tho, and will hide under the bed to try and stay in our room or go out at 9pm when they know we are just about to lock the cat flap! (aussies dont seem to be big cat fans here either so am always trying to make sure they are locked in after dark!)

cinnamon i dont know how you didnt hang up on that crazy lady! what an bit*h! can't believe she is being so smug! grr!

misty you have done well to get to the pool at all! i had a day off thurs and i still havent made it to the gym this week (went to bleeding yoga on tues and back has been sore since!? rubbish!) .....poor DH said he hasnt made gym himself this week as he's too tired from all the 'action' oops! lol!

well i am off for a bday meal now for my very pregnant friend, due any day. i know there'll be some cringe times as i cant exactly expect no one at the meal to mention their impending joy, but i just cant be doing with the pitying looks! hey ho! sure it wont be that bad.... is it wrong that i want to dress to look as slim as possible as obv she wont be... ooh thats bad isnt it!
xx

oops meant til 'til he rubs her' about the cat! lol!!

Hello,

cremegg - thank you for making me smile about the cat rubbing. I've just cried all the way home from swwimming - again! Sigh.

What kicked it off actually happened at about 6 this morning! My OH was trying to describe the problem he's having at work with this house he's building and got his phone out to show me the photos of the build. Anyway over our cup of tea i was idly flicking backwards through his photos - smiling over us in Wales, nice pics of the cliffs, couple more brick walls,ect. - and then i found myself looking at a lovely clear scan picture of a baby. For a second i didnt understand what i was looking at. I didn't know, but he'd taken a pic of our 10 week scan photo so he could show the lads at work back then. It was a shock. I had this huge, huge, terrible stab of guilt. But i didnt say anything. OH went to work, I did some chores and went swimming and the whole time i was trying not to think. Then i got in the car to come home and just burst into floods and flood of tears. Still crying now!!!!!!!! So i thought i'd write it all down and try to calm down. I feel sooooooooo guilty.

After my termination i put the real scan pic, a little toy i bought about about 2 days b4 the awful scan, a little hat my mum had knitted (toooooo early!) and my pos. preg. test from then in a box. Its down by my side of the bed. But i cant look in it yet. And i wasnt ready for that this morning.

Sorry to be so darn miserable - i'll do some personals later ladies xxxxxx

Sorry Misty, thats a real shock for you. But please try not to feel guilty. If anything it shows how much your baby was loved by you and your DH. Such an unexpected reminder of your loss is bound to hit you hard. Its a reminder of a time when you had all the normal joys and expectations of pregnancy. I really hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself today. x

Oh misty, big hugs. I have a box too, with little ones scan, the wool I was knitting a pram blanket, my positive test and a letter I wrote her the day before my TOP in. Had to give it to my mum to look after, she still has it. Not strong enough. Also found a photo on OH's phone, of my tummy. We were taking pic's every week and he managed to delete most of them. My 10 week preg tummy looking at me, great. I show really early so it was very pronounced. Horrible.

Feeling miserable myself; after a few days of getting better I'm now getting worse again. This happened last time, when I ended up ill for 6 months. Am going to the doc's at 3.40pm, don't know what they can do, just so desperate to get better. Know this month's ttc is out the window now, feels so.....miserable!

Where's our good luck ladies?? Who's hiding it? B*stards.

xxxxxxxxx

Afternoon all.

misty love to you, that's just awful. Hope you feel better soon. I don't even know where my 12 week scan picture is. I'm going to stumble across it one of these days. I think it's in my desk drawer. Makes me feel sick to think about it. I don't have anything else but I'm not sure I want anything else.

cinnamon what a f*cking cow your OH's ex is. Life is full of enough misery without people deliberately adding too it. I hope you can rise above it. I'm so sorry you're suffering with the infection as well. Yes, where is all our luck at the moment?

cremegg hope you looked super slim!

mrsbigz got your referral ta, I'm about to go and deal with it and sign myself up. Hope you've had no further wobbles today and I hope your chat with your colleague yesterday did you some good.

cherry I know what you mean about this thread having a lovely positivity about it. I am on the ARC mailing list (but don't participate) but I may well unsubscribe from it as I find it incredibly depressing and sad in a way that really isn't helpful to me.

I'm plodding along ok today. Took my daughter to a soft play centre where I wouldn't know anyone and she had a lovely time. Me less so, I think hell is probably a soft play centre. I had a really good chat with my friend last last night. I cried a few times but it was ok. She's a doctor and she can think of no possible reason why we shouldn't all be ttc straightaway, just recommended I keep taking all the supplements.

Anyway, off to look at graphs like the massive spod I really am.

Hope today is going well for you all.