Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

Hello everyone- back off holiday and putting off the unpacking by checking up on you guys! Glad to hear everyone is ok and that Kat is feeling a bit better today. Also wanted to say hi to darlingred, I'm sorry for your loss and I think that what you are feeling is entirely normal. I think it's a stage that you have to go through before you can find some sort of acceptance. I lost my baby girl 15 weeks ago and I too went through an anger phase, although luckily it was short lived. You are welcome to vent here whenever you wish- we are here, ... And cinnamon makes amazing millionaire squares!

Re the thread, I'd love to stay here- maybe we could try to keep it not too ttc focused ie practicalities but we have all lost recently (2011) and it is obviously a part of the process. From what I managed to read whilst I was away, the discussions have been based on the emotional journey and our feeling towards ttc. On that thought- and it is an old one now- I just wanted to say that we need to stay positive and support each other (as always). I've been thinking about ttc quite a lot since we've been away and I think it's easy to get bogged down in the negativity of what we have just been through. (I'm obviously not talking about those who have probs with fertility). We are all very unusual cases and the chances are that it won't happen to us again (God or whoever willing)

On the subject of odds etc; I was just 31 when I conceived Ava, who was diagnosed with Edwards and a heart abnormality at 26 weeks, yet I have friends who have conceived healthy babies naturally at 40 and friends who are now starting IVF at 31. I was also given odds of 1:190000 at my Nuchal scan/ bloods screening test. I am writing this mainly for my own sake, however, as although I have conceived 2 babies (Inc Ava) naturally and without much problems (I have PCOS though) I too have too many moments convinced that I now won't be able to have another healthy baby to take home. I think that may be due to all the friends I have that keep announcing that they are pregnant though!

With regards to our first ttc month- I also got a positive opk last Sat/ Sun (there must have been something going on last weekend cos i think that makes me the third!,) whilst away with the whole family & in a villa with incredibly thin Walls and echoey. BDing is really not so fun when you've got to be deathly quiet for fear of any one of your 5 family members sussing what's going on! Let's hope the next week of waiting goes quickly and that I don't feel too gutted if it doesn't work first time... Which I guess you don't really expect!

Holiday was lovely and just what we needed. I know that I said that I would not try to focus on Ava's due dates, mainly because the first is my birthday and I can't go through that every year, but the week was really difficult for me- even though I tried to keep it as busy as possible! Anyway, I feel better for having a bit of time away and have a bit of a tan (highly unusual for me!) and I feel that I have a bit of energy to start things off and get all the jobs I have on my eternal 'to do' list done!

OK- must go and at least start the unpacking! Sorry for the essay and for the lack of personals but it's nice to be back! x

Ps I already have 2 cats but all your kitten talk is making me very jealous! Xx

Hi Myangelava, just wanted to say it's lovely to see you back. I've run out of time tonight as have been yacking on the phone but I'll hopefully catch up properly tomorrow.

(Love the idea of only discussing ttc on a Friday or something!)

Thanks Kat- very impressed that you went for a run on a Sun night- it rained here too! I live about 25 mins south of Manchester city centre.

Speak soon x

Hello again,

Welcome home myangelAva, so glad that you had a lovely time away and I will be keeping my fingers crossed with you for the next week or so, good luck honey!

Hi to to darlingred, it goes without saying that I am so sorry that you have found yourself here. You are being completely normal, we've all asked ourselves why, I still do a billion times a day! But it does get easier, I know it doesn't seem it possibly can, but it does xxxx

Bit pssed off as I have cramps in my tummy and a bit of EWM (ewwwwww!!), and I've done my sums and I'm ov today or tomorrow. Have ordered some piddle sticks that will come in tomorrow's Tesco order, (blimey, took ages to find them!) which should confirm but am on these gosh darn it AB's 'till Thursday when my window of opportunity will not only be closed, but the curtains will be drawn and the shutters will be up. Fck.

Though my MIL, (who is a devout christain and has been 'phoning prayer lines and getting her church to pray for me, bless. She said the congregation prayed for my womb the other week....errrm....not too sure how I should feel about that but the thought behind it is a nice one!), thinks it will be next month as if it is my BFP would be a few days before OH's birthday. Which would be cool.

Sorry, not really keeping of the ttc topic, but reassuring to know it is less off putting and more comforting for newcomers. I remember I found it a help in the early days; as others have said, it reassured me that life could carry on.

Tomorrow is my first of 3 days alone all day; have 3 episodes of Glee to catch up on and chocolate hidden in the salad drawer away from prying teenagers, happy days! May even cook a banana loaf, yum!

Big hope-Monday-morning-isn't-too-much-of-a-pain hugs to everyone xxxxx

Thanks cinnamon- really must go to bed but couldn't resist saying hi! We were supposed to start ttc last month but DH got viral meningitis & selfishly ruined the whole thing!! Such a bugger- but at least you know everything is working as it should & a whole congregation... Wow! That's a lot of womb-praying!! You mentioned that the dr said your antibiotics were suitable for preg women & newborns? Does that mean it's ok to give it a go anyway then or best stay clear?
I have completely missed out on Glee- my friends said that they thought it was inappropriate to remind me it was starting up again after my termination. Bless them. X

Bad luck cinnamon. Maybe the prayers will help? I think we must reserve judgement and see! My mum's quite religious and I suspect I got listed in the people who need praying for but she wouldn't tell me as I'm too much of an atheist to appreciate it. Although I think the sentiment behind it is nice. Is there really a problem with the abs as I thought nothing passed to the embryo for a few days anyway? (PS I am not a scientist!)

Myangelava A tan! What's that? Fingers crossed that your silent activity was productive.

I woke up in the night with really bad cramps but didn't pass anything. I have no idea whether this is normal or not. I ended up having a bit of an anxiety attack which was quite scary, I kept thinking I was going to have a haemorrhage and die. I had to wake my husband in the end to calm me down. I'm seeing a GP this afternoon (not the lovely female one unfortunately as there was only one appointment left). I'm going to say about the pain, the anxiety and get referred for counselling. Otherwise have been ok today so far apart from a minor sob when the receptionist made me say why I wanted the appointment. B*stard. I'm actually working this evening so it will be a test how I deal with the client (who doesn't know the first thing about me so I will hopefully be ok.)

misty I'm off to stalk you on ff now....

Have happy mondays everyone.

I am also going to change my name on here. I feel a bit too identifiable.

Afternoon girls xx

mrsbigz - Bless - your boys and the toothpaste! When my eldest was about 4 i suddenly felt the house was tooooo quiet - and when i went upstairs i found her sitting humming to herself rubbing great globs of body cream into the Dyson! It was all in the creases of the hose, all round the handle and everywhere! Uggh. We looked at each other - horrified - and then she said tearfully "I was trying to make it nice for you!" What can you do? The Dyson DID smell good, but i could never get a proper grip on it again. lol.

That collegue of yours sound like a self centred sort. Is she very young? Not to be 'ageist', but sometimes people have a blissfull ignorance about others feelings till they're older. I probably did myself...

cinnamon - yep, bring the buiscuits, and i'll bring herbal tea for you. Kettles boiled! lol. Just echoing whats been said - i would have thought you could 'have a go' this month too?.....get stick peeing! Enjoy your 3 days of peace. I know its odd when the kids are not around, but 3 days'll fly by - and you can lurk here as much as you like and keep me company!

darlingred hello love. Vent all your feelings here - it does you good. xxx Sorry to hear of your loss, and sorry to hear your feeling angry. It affects us all differently at different times. I lost my rag right out of the blue yesterday in a way i thought id long grown out of .... But yes - come and have a cupper with us often. I believe there's buiscuits - but dont know what they are yet!! cinnamon ? ...

flower - i didnt know you'd been 'thread to thread'. Bless you, you've had to endure the thing i dread about ttc threads - unavoidable in some respects i suppose. Stay here xxxxxx My female kitten has just begun her first season! (her brother has been snipped - so we're ok) but gosh! I thought i was bad at ov. time!! Shes flirted with every member of the household and is now trying it on with the bag of guinea pig food . Little minx!

myangelava - welcome home. Finished unpacking? I HATE unpacking! Hooray for a tan, it sounds like you had time to yourself to unwind and relax. Thin walls means you cant unwind too loudly tho'. lol. I feel the same about the ttc this month. Wont be too upset to see my AF when she comes - i just want to know everythings working ok.

kat - Sorry to hear about your anxiety in the night. Everything seems a billion times worse at night as well doesnt it? The GP is a good idea - we all deserve a bit of professional care i think. Cant believe how we're all left to it to be honest. Keep at it on FF! We'll find a way...

I managed 30 lengths of the pool thismorning. Quite pleased with myself. Working my way to 40 - doing 2 extra each time. I'm finding my appitite's on the up, so maybe AF is on her way quite soon? I was thinking 6 days or so....

Nothing much else to report - i've rambled enough, but wanted to include as many personals as poss today. xxx

Sorry...sorry...sorry.....

Peed. Negative result, but think that's because should have ov'd yesterday or Sat. Bum.

On the plus side, little man's HUGE slide got delivered today, so that'll be nice for him to come back to.

Will come back for personals later, honest, but that slave driver misty has me making biscuits, tut, tut, (ha ha, just kidding!).

xxxxxxxx

I've changed my name! (was Kat, now I'm not)

misty Good swimming. 40 lengths was always my target too.

cinnamon I've now got a urine infection in sympathy with you and am on antibs too. I wonder if this contributed to the panic attack, I feel quite unwell but don't have any burning pee symptoms?

Got quite upset at the GPs but he was sympathetic in an understated way and now has me on suicide watch. I'm to go back next week and the counsellor is contacting me tomorrow to give me an appointment. Actually did some work this evening and enjoyed it, far easier being with strangers.

Hope you're all well.

Oh no, what to call you? Can I shorten it to Egglet? it'll take ages on my phone otherwise!! . Glad the dr sorted something out for you but sorry to hear that you have an infection- a bit of good luck needed for you I think!!

All unpacked and house is clean and tidy- I hate the first day back of hols! First day back at the gym won't be easy tomorrow either! I might have to leave off the biscuits cinnamon!

hello - this'll be short and sweet i'm afraid, as i have the most horrendously busy week at work ahead of me (culminating in a meeting in Kings Norton on Thursday) - can't wait for my work at home day on friday!!

myangelava welcome back and i'm glad you had a lovely relaxing time away - very jealous on the tan!
darlingred sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here on this thread but truly you couldn't meet a madder nicer bunch of ladies to vent/scream/chat and just hand out with - and who can relate to exactly what you are feeling. and cinnamon bake the nicest bisuits (no pressure, honest!!)
Eggletina (Kat - hi!) - i'm sorry to hear you've a urine infection :( i hope that the antiB's clear it up soon!
Cinnamon - sorry you had a -opk, do you know for sure you should've O'd already? hope that you're feeling much better!
mistyO you're putting the rest of us to shame with your swimming...i don't think i could even manage just 1 length! hope today is better than yesterday and you've managed to get your laptop up and working again?
flower like misty said, that's one of my fears about knowing which thread to sit on, but i'm definitely staying here for the forseeable future!! glad you are too!
And breathe!!! sorry to anyone i've missed out, i really must get my body to bed before it collapses on the sofa, never to move!!
will try and speak tomorrow, but will prob be in the evening as have back2back meetings tomorrow.....aargh!
xxxxxxxxxxx

Early morning quickie!

egglet (is that ok?) - a urine infection! God - thats all you need. AB's will work quickly on that. Hope that clears up quickly for you xx Maybe try swimming again when you're better? If you can find a pool and a time that suits, as you'll know, its almost theraputic ....

mrsbigz - morning! Dont forget to take some time out - you sound like your running yourself ragged! I hope you get lots of help around the house and with the boys from your OH? (something i never got from my ex when i was trying work and care for 3 littlies ) My swimming is VERY gentle btw, lol. I force myself to go - but feel so good afterwards its worth it! I'm no olympic athelete! Carrying about a stone too much i think love handles are too evident!

cinnamon - sorry for your neg p.s. As mrsbigz says, maybe its too early?? Enjoy your first day of peace anyway

Must run,

hey all, happy tuesday!

egglet cant believe you have a UTI, not nice but prob explains the cramps, hope it buggars off soon, and I am pleased your GP was supportive.

misty yay to the swimming, i havent managed the gym for a while but went to yoga last night, thankfully it seemed to have helped the dodgy back this week, last week I am sure it caused it! That 'dyson creaming' made me laugh, imagining you not being able to hold onto after that!!

mrsB poor DS2 re the toothpasting! lol! and i dont know how you havent told that colleague to shut it! letting you know in advance is decent of her, but daily complaining updates?!?! why would she think thats ok!?

cinnamon it aint over til the fat red lady sings! might be worth pinning DH down when he gets back anyway?? I didnt get on with opks, too much scope for me to change the outcome (maybe it IS the same colour...??) think i will be testing on 19th... well being honest will prob cave beforehand, ahh!

myangel fingers crossed for the silent BDing, we had DHs rents here for 2 weeks, wasnt so bad in the house but we spent 4 nights on a houseboat, and well, no way! imagine the rocking?! lol!

darling red so, so sorry to hear of your recent loss, take care of yourself, and dont feel bad about ranting!! angers better out than in :)

i need to go switch off my blinking washing machine that annoyingly beeps til it's turned off when it's done! (this may be tmi, but i came home to kitty 'grass sick' on my bed! gross!! defo should have remembered to shut the bedroom door this morning! yuk!) So now i have wet sheets, and its raining! (i know its Oz, but you wouldnt believe how much rain Adelaide does get... dryest state my ass!) hehehe!

xxx

egglet i realised my 'cant believe' comment actually looks like i mean i cant believe it, meant to say 'on top of everything else'. guess the area has taken a lot of stress lately, hope you feel better soon xx

Super quick, am heading out the door for a lunch date with OH before some retail therapy, (not sure I know how to shop withot a 4 year old in tow anymore, but am willing to give it a try!).

egglet, I didn't have any burning but did feel really, really ill, achey all over including tummy and 'down below' so that could have been a huge cause of all your panicky feelings. Plus I ran a temperature and felt so emotionally shattered, I was very weepy and maudling. Hopefully (!!) that's why you have also been feeling a bit down and as the AB's kick in and you feel physically better, you'll feel emotionally more robust too. Looking back, I really wobbled a lot in the few days leading up to my kidney infection and I think it was my poor exhausted body trying to cope with fighting the bugs as well as everything else it's been through recently.

BIG hugs to everyone else and shall update later on the shopping. Can't believe I'm saying that?! Am going to look for my ring today, though finding a sapphire in a silver (don't wear gold so it's either silver or platinum, yeah right!) band is really hard. They do a silver and sapphire charm bead at Pandora, so was thinking I might get that and a silver chain to thread it on instead? Hmmmmm........

Lots of love xxxxx

Call me whatever you like, I just fancied a dafter name a bit less like my actual one!

Just a quick call in. Having quite a down day but feel don't feel physically great so I'm not surprised. I've come to my parents for the night though to get a bit of help.

mrsbigz hope you're coping with your week.

misty I do like swimming but am not going until 6 weeks have passed as I'm so paranoid about infection.

cremegg don't worry, I knew what you meant! Eww at kitty sick though. You people and your cats...

cinnamon that all sounds horribly familiar. I hope we're both over it soon. Enjoy your retail therapy too. I like the idea of a charm on a chain but would it be something you'd wear every day as a ring is easier to wear all the time.

xxx

...just to add my tuppence to the charm on a chain - remember chains + other kids = possible breakages!! i currently have my white gold locket on a silver chain i found somewhere (until i can afford another white gold one - birthday pressy p'haps?).
A ring (if you wear rings anyway) is quite a nice idea!

funnily enough, do you remember me saying my american friends send me a 'goody' box of lovely pressys after my loss. one of them was a silver sapphire/diammond necklace (that's what chain i have my locket on now). well for ages dh has 'said' he'll buy me an eternity ring (think they're supposed to be for the 1st child, but hey ho - anyway i quite like sapphires anyway, plus blue as we have 2 boys, and now sapphire for the month eve should have been born. well my question is - i would prob not wear the sapphire as a necklace (simply because i already had my locket by that point which dh bought me - and eve's prints inside it) SO (sorry, will get to the point finally) - "do you think it would be rude of me to take the pendant part of the necklace they sent me (i.e the sapphire/diamond part) and use it to have an eternity ring created. is that rude? would you be offended it someone did that to a gift you gave them?

sorry was sposed to be a short one but just can't seem to stop myself typing....

No, I wouldn't be offended at all. Jewellery is very personal and I'd just be pleased it was being worn. The only jewellery I regularly wear is my wedding ring (which I don't much like) and at some point I intend to get that and my engagement ring (which is too scratchy) melted down and remodelled into one more wearable ring.

Hi all

Thanks Mrsbigz and misty, yes I have been around for a while.

Cinnamon hope you had some good retail therapy.

Egglet hope you are feeling better soon xx

We got kitty today, not sure if boy or girl now, have to wait until goes to vet on friday to find out if moses or jasmine. Seems to be settling in well, has worked out dining room chairs make good scratching post and wont go near his bed, prefers the box the scratching post , that hasnt discoverded yet came in. I left DH in charge, thought it would be good practice for him [ wink] as I had to go to work, hence posting at stupid o clock, anyway only 5 hours to go till I get to go home to bed.

stupid emocations im too tired to work them properly!

Hi ladies,

mrsbigz, sounds like a wonderful idea to me, think you should go for it. The ladies who sent the gift wanted you to have something meaningful and to turn the stones into something even more meaningful is actually a compliment. If you see what I mean!

flower I now have kitten envy!

Is only going to be quick again because I have lots of jobs to do before my little man comes home later, and I have to get ready for work, but need to ask for some advice and also update on the retail therapy.

Got my ring; it was just the right one, I knew as soon as I saw it. I went into every jewellery shop in Reading, but found it eventually. So now I have my remider of little one, not that I ever need reminding, 7 weeks today.

Also, have been doing pee sticks even though I am convinced the necessary happened last weekend. One on Monday, faint test line, dark control line. One on Tuesday darker test line than Monday, dark control line. Today test and control line almost the same colour. Test line a miniscule bit lighter if I'm honest. Does that mean I'm coming up to ov?? Testing the same time everyday. Confused?!? Should have left it alone!

Help girlies! Big hugs xxxxxx

Morning people x

First - a question .... does anyone know what happens when we get to 1000 posts?? Does the whole thread just explode? lol. Will it disappear and one of us will have to begin a new one?

Done my swimming this morn. Only me in the pool at one point - nice. No one elses waves going up my nose.

cremegg - yoga - i think its quite poss. that that first yoga class was responsible for your back pain. Dont get me wrong - yoga is something i would LOVE to get into - but i did a class at the gym once, and was stiff for 2 days afterwards! ha ha. And i'm quite a flexable girl! Keep at it ...

cinnamon - a lunch date with your OH - ahhhhhhh! Sounds so lovely. Something me and OH should do more often. How did the shopping go then? Did you find the ring you were looking for? I was thinking the same as mrsbigz on the chain idea .... bit vulnerable for everyday when you've got little ones, unless it's fairly sturdy. Oh and thank you for using the word 'maudling' - if ever i've used that word no one seems to know what i'm on about! Weird thing for me to say - i know! but i like that word cos it sums up the feeling for me...and you dont hear it used much. So ta! lol.

egglet - how are you feeling love? Getting some lovely tlc from your folks i hope. Have you begun temping or were you going to leave it? Cant remember what you decided

mrsbigz - not at all rude of you to use the pendant in that way! What a lovely way to bring everyones good wishes and love together. Your friends solidarity from overseas and your OH's commitment to you all made into one ring - very special......

flower - wow, night work is it? Or have i got muddled... Kittens! bless! Love the names! What breed/colour is he/she? My 2 are Rag-Dolls. Fullfillment of a childhood longing after seeing them in a cat book. flower praps we should start a '' Get or borrow a kitten while ttc'' thread, lol. Little Panda (short for Pandora i'm afraid daughters got heavily involved with the naming of them) seems to have finished her first season - so i'm going to ring the vets in a bit and make an apt. for her to be 'done'. Cant go through all that yowwwwwwelling again! Her bro' was done early on.

ANYWAY. Enough of my pointless waffle - to everyone i havnt personaled.

cinnamon! crossed posts cos i took so long....

In my humble opinion I think you may be about to ov! Get going girl! xxxx fingers crossed xxx

And thats GREAT about the ring .....