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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is selfish for choosing not to breast feed?

789 replies

IHateWinter · 31/10/2009 10:08

She hasn't even had her baby yet but has already decided that she doesn't want to try it and if she does she'll only do it for a month at most.

I've told her that breast milk is healthier and gives the baby antibodies etc, but she won't listen to me. I gave her a baby book that explains why breast is best but she won't read that either.

What else can I say? I worry about my future neice. I understand that she many not want to carry on doing it for a long time, but I really do feel that if you have a baby you have the responsibility to try and give it the best start in life. I really feel she is more concerned about what her breasts will look like than her babies needs.

I'm suprised by how strongly I feel. I find myself avoiding her in case I end up saying something upsetting. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh, and before anyone says, I AM NOT A TROLL I am a regular poster who has name changed.

OP posts:
lazyemma · 31/10/2009 10:10

oh blah, blah.

LowLevelWhingeing · 31/10/2009 10:10

It's not your baby.

KatieScarlett2833 · 31/10/2009 10:10

YABVVVVU

Disenchanted3 · 31/10/2009 10:11

So she has decided not to but will do it for a month?

huh?

Bog off.

Its her baby and its not selfish to not breastfeed.

Bucharest · 31/10/2009 10:12

I was your sister 6 yrs ago.

I finally stopped bf dd this summer when she was 5yrs and 9mths.

She might change her mind.

Fayrazzled · 31/10/2009 10:13

You can think whatever you like, but your sister is perfectly entitled to decide how she parents her own baby- feeding is just a small part of this. Are you going to pass on your opinions on all aspects of her parenting you disapprove of?

How would you feel if a family member or friend questioned your decisions with respect to your family?

I suggest if you want to have a relationship with your sister and future neice you back right off. It's none of your business.

theagedparent · 31/10/2009 10:13

Yanbu. I am always surprised that people won't even give it a try but at the end of the day it is her baby and her choice. She may well change her mind once the baby is born.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/10/2009 10:13

I nearly killed myself trying to BF but I let my DS watch FAR too much tv and give him his dummy when I'm feeling super lazy. Parents make many many decisions, some of which are selfish, no parent is always selfless. BF is just one of them and not the most important one, IMO.
If she says she'll try it for a few weeks then encourage her fgs! Maybe she'l find it easy and carry on, maybe she won't. Either way, a month of BM is way better than nothing. There is nothing more likely to put a waverer off BF than judgement and pressure so if you want this baby to get any BM at all, back off and be encouraging.

theagedparent · 31/10/2009 10:14

Oops yabu I meant.

TigerFeet · 31/10/2009 10:14

most of us would agree that breast is best but to push the point when your sister has made up her mind is out of order

you've given her the info, what she does now is up to her

i would back off if i were you, you are only going to upset and antagonise her

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 31/10/2009 10:15

yabu
if you were my sister I would advoid you like the plague
her baby her choice not yours. her baby will be fine if ff and will still get the best start in life ffs

FlappyTheBat · 31/10/2009 10:15

YABU,

we all know that "breast is best" and what the health benefits are for both mother and baby, but at the end of the day, it is your sister's baby, body and choice.

I am sure that she will have received a lot of information about breastfeeding and she has the right to make up her own mind about how she chooses to feed her baby.

I have seen a lot of mums who were like your sister, had no interest in breastfeeding but gave it a go, mainly I think to keep the breastfeeding police quiet < I can say that as I am one >. Once they have tried it, a lot carry on as it isn't as difficult or embarrassing as they thought it was going to be.
Other mums are adamant that they wish to bottle feed from the outset and they need to have support as well, they have also had a new baby too and shouldn't be ignored just because they have no interest in breastfeeding.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 31/10/2009 10:16

agree with theagedparent
you would be better off encouraging & hrlping rather than criticizing

hanaflower · 31/10/2009 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asana · 31/10/2009 10:21

It's her choice at the end of the day. I was the same till I realised that if I were to formula-feed, that would add an extra half hour or so to each feed, what with sterilising bottles, boiling kettle, waiting for water to cool etc. Given how inherently lazy I am, I took the decision to breastfeed and am still doing so with my now 6mo DS. My decision had little to do with the whole "Breast is best" message and more to do with convenience. You could always tryphrasing it to her like that . TBH, I'm concerned that it bothers you do much. Contrary to some opinions, the world won't end if she decides to bottle-feed

KatieScarlett2833 · 31/10/2009 10:22

"I worry about my future niece"

FFS it's formula, not rat poison.

tinierclanger · 31/10/2009 10:23

Well, I would say YANBU to think it, and I would think it too. But most people make some selfish decisions about parenting, hardly anyone totally sacrifices themselves and I'm not sure they should.

I agree YABU to behave towards her differently though. Just let it go. And she may change her mind anyway.

CantThinkofFunnyName · 31/10/2009 10:24

Unbelievable - YABVU. It is absolutely nothing to do with you. why on earth would you worry about the baby just because she doesn't want to BF? Get over it, get a life and leave her alone.

curiositykilledscarybin · 31/10/2009 10:25

YABU It's not up to you and by banging on about it you are probably making her stubborn. Breasts are affected by pregnancy not breast feeding so if that is her reason then she may be disapponted anyway.

I don't think there's anything wrong with making a selfish decision about feeding TBH. I breastfed for selfish reasons - after the initial hard period it made my life much, much easier.

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor · 31/10/2009 10:28

If you want any sort of relationship with your sis and niece then back off now.

Original poster
IHateWinter · 31/10/2009 10:28

But I feel how this child is raised is my business. This child will be my neice, and part of my family. I will be expected to take on the role of an auntie, babysitting etc.

I didn't find breast feeding easy at all at first - cracked nipples etc - but I was determined to carry on for as long as possible I ended up breastfeedding my first for a year and my second for 18mths. My DCs caught very few illnesses. I think my neice should be given the same chance.

Why am I expected to care about everything else and have no say about this? Like I said, I feel that my sister isn't really thinking about this responsibly, and is more concerned about her body image.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2009 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheHAUNTEDHouseofMirth · 31/10/2009 10:30

If her primary reason for not wanting to BF really is because she's worried it'll give her saggy boobs, she might be interested to know its pregnancy, not BF that does that to them.

WoTmania · 31/10/2009 10:31

YANBU to feel that way but you would BU to tell her.
As people have said just encourage and help herWhile she is Bf in that first month and a month might turn into 2 etc.

LordVetinarisApprentice · 31/10/2009 10:31

I am so glad you aren't my sister. What a self righteous nightmare. Her body, her baby, her choice. As someone else so succintly put it - get over yourself.