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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister is selfish for choosing not to breast feed?

789 replies

IHateWinter · 31/10/2009 10:08

She hasn't even had her baby yet but has already decided that she doesn't want to try it and if she does she'll only do it for a month at most.

I've told her that breast milk is healthier and gives the baby antibodies etc, but she won't listen to me. I gave her a baby book that explains why breast is best but she won't read that either.

What else can I say? I worry about my future neice. I understand that she many not want to carry on doing it for a long time, but I really do feel that if you have a baby you have the responsibility to try and give it the best start in life. I really feel she is more concerned about what her breasts will look like than her babies needs.

I'm suprised by how strongly I feel. I find myself avoiding her in case I end up saying something upsetting. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh, and before anyone says, I AM NOT A TROLL I am a regular poster who has name changed.

OP posts:

izzybiz · 31/10/2009 11:13

When I had my first child I chose not to BF for my own reasons.
I did give up smoking as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

A woman I knew was pregnant around the same time, smoked all the way through.
She chose to BF her baby, even smoked whilst feeding on occasion

Which child is better off health wise?
I would put my money on my FF Ds.

To liken the effects of smoking to FF are IMHO a little farfetched.

To the OP, YABVVU, none of your buisness, worry about your own children.

MaggieOicheSamhain · 31/10/2009 11:13

ofgs, no, it's her choice. There's too much pressure to breastfeed imo. I did it because I genuinely wanted to, but if it hadn't been right for me nothing and nobody would have made me suddenly 'see' things differently.

People weigh up their own considerations, factor in their OWN life and make their own decision. And that's how it should be.

Devendra · 31/10/2009 11:14

Umm I think the BF baby would be better actually.

Louby3000 · 31/10/2009 11:14

I get it, I have a mate who feels the same as your sister, but what can you do. You have told her why BF is best and given her something to read on the matter. Thats all you can do. Let it go. Just feel comforted by the fact you have given her the information and now give her the respect of making her own decisions. That is what it is al about really, letting people make informed decisions.
Sounds like your mum is giving your sis alot of support, is she living at home, where is the baby father in all this? I mean it sort of sounds like your sis is a single mum? Good on your mum for helping her out so much.

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2009 11:14

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Message withdrawn

MaggieOicheSamhain · 31/10/2009 11:15

I agree with pp, likening smoking to FFing is alarmist and takes away from any attmept to debate issue intelligently.

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2009 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChickandDuck · 31/10/2009 11:16

Trillian - I suppose if she at least tries (my sister didn't) then she would be able to make that decision, but without trying how will she know it will make her unhappy?

izzybiz - do you mean she actually smoked whilst physically feeding?

Devendra · 31/10/2009 11:16

you didnt ask for my opinion shine.. the OP did.. you really like the sound of your own voice don't you??

Jennylee · 31/10/2009 11:17

Who would compare formula to smoking in pregnancy??? its not the same thing at all. smoking in pregnancy is dangerous for the baby, formula is not poison. whoever compared the two, what if you had not breastfed, would every bottle have felt like you were giving your baby a cigarette? i don't think so. I bf but formula feeders can be good Mothers. bf does not make you part of a secret wonderful Mums club and everyone else is inferior. ARRGH!!!!

loobylu3 · 31/10/2009 11:17

I really don't see why the OP is being called a bitch. Why shouldn't she be able to express herself honestly with her own sister? The OP's sister sounds as if she is young (and immature)- still living at home and being fed by her mother, worried about her breasts becoming big, etc. The OP has simply tried talking to her about the benefits of breast feeding and has given her a book. I can't see anything wrong with offering the information. Breast feeding IS better for the infant than ff. To keep pushing the point, however and letting it effect the relationship with the sister or niece would be unreasonable.

Louby3000 · 31/10/2009 11:17

Eh? who is stealing what?!

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2009 11:17

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Message withdrawn

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 31/10/2009 11:18

the only selfish person is the op,
bossing her pregnant sister arround and being a nag.

Kewcumber · 31/10/2009 11:18

please listen to yourself - you sound like the mother of a pregnant teenager. SHe isn;t your responsibility - you have no right to lecture her.

You have every right not to bail her out or help with your DN if you want to register your disapproval.

Your posts just make you sound pompous and priggish. And she doesn't even have a child yet - how unbearable are you going to become when she has a real child.

She may be spoilt but that isn;t any of your business - you happen to share paretns, she isn;t your child.

ChickandDuck · 31/10/2009 11:18

I have also said my piece shine, just MY opinion. Apologies that it being different to yours is so offensive.

Vallhala · 31/10/2009 11:19

OK, go ahead, tell your sister that not to put her child first is selfish. Tell her to give up meeting friends, she should be spending time with her child, tell her never to grab a ready meal, she should be cooking organic veg, tell her never to have a haircut, she should be spending her money on her child, tell her she should breastfeed, tell her all of these so you can ensure that she isn't immature and selfish.

But don't expect her to like you, respect yo or involve you in her child's life. Thats asking for too much.

teatank · 31/10/2009 11:19

your sisters baby isnt even born yet and your already branding her a bad mother. isnt she a lucky person having you as a sister. i am so glad my sister isnt like you. she has supported me in every decision i have made.

Louby3000 · 31/10/2009 11:19

But FF can be good mothers. OMG that sounds so patronising. Sorry,jennylee is that how you meant it?

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2009 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

IHateWinter · 31/10/2009 11:20

Thank you Louby3000. No she is not a single parent. She spends a lot of her time between my mums and her boyfriends flat. I have no idea where exactly the baby is going to be raised, I expect at both places. My mum was supportive to me too. But i never had her running up and down after me this way.

OP posts:

peanutbutterkid · 31/10/2009 11:23

YANBU to be upset that your sis has such a negative attitude towards breastfeeding your D-Niece, Winter. I can well imagine that I would feel the same dismay about it.

If she is not wanting to Br'feed just because it would ruin her norks she's being ignorant, too (it's pregnancy that does them in, not breastfeeding). And it's hard to see someone make a decision you don't like for irrational reasons, BUT

...to call her selfish for it is BU. Obviously the decision is a lot more complicated than that (AND all the other things people have said why it's not your place, etc).

Try to focus on the things you CAN do to be a terrific aunt to your D-Niece in the long run; giving your sister grief about this decision is Not one going to help anything.

Jennylee · 31/10/2009 11:23

yes thats exactly how I meant it.... heavy sarcasm.

I state the obvious and it may sound patronising, but god this whole thread is so patronising to formula feeds, someone needs to state the obvious as you would think the op's sister was about to be burned at the stake for not wanting to bf and it really pisses me off, she should be supporting her sister no getting all patronising already.

MaggieOicheSamhain · 31/10/2009 11:24

Who asked "is she a single mother?"

oh. EMM. GEEEEEEEEEEE

Jennylee · 31/10/2009 11:25

obviously I did not mean to it sound patronising, I'm just pissed off that people don't see that so I put it out there

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