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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to lack sympathy for my friend who is unable to conceive

349 replies

babyetcetera · 14/06/2009 22:19

We went to uni together and my friend met her husband there - they've been together ever since. In the meantime, some of us had children and she went on to have an amazing career...

When she and her husband have celebrated a big milestone in their marriage they decided to TTC. This was when she was 41. It's now been two years and she is in agonies talking about IVF etc.

I'm finding it hard to keep being sympathetic. Of course I am supporting her and I am devastated for her, but I keep thinking that she chose her life and is now being really REALLY unrealistic about having a baby.

Have I lost sight of any sort of human compassion or am I being realistic at this point?

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 14/06/2009 22:20

you have lost sight of any sort of human compassion

Rindercella · 14/06/2009 22:20

To answer your question, it is the former.

llareggub · 14/06/2009 22:21

What gigglinggoblin said.

Fimbo · 14/06/2009 22:22

OMG - Some friend you are. How can you be supporting her when you are here on a parenting site doing the exact opposite.

psychomum5 · 14/06/2009 22:22

oh welcome to mumsnet........not seen you before.

just the place for a query like this!!

violethill · 14/06/2009 22:23

Erm... do you really need an answer to that question?

Yes, you are seriously lacking in compassion. She must feel devastated.

You sound quite resentful too in your post, as if because your friend had an amazing career and achieved other things in her life, she somehow doesn't 'deserve' a baby?

Haribosmummy · 14/06/2009 22:23

Hmm...

I'm not a great one for IVF etc., and would have settled for no kids if they hadn't come along naturally (I think!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

BUT, I have a friend who cannot concieve (well, her DH has a LSC) and she is bordering on desperate, which is really quite heartbreaking to see.

I don't think previously lifestyle choices really come into the fact she now feels ready to have a baby and can't have one.

I think it's very hard for someone with children to understand how a childless woman might feel, TBH... so, for that reason, I'm going with YABU

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/06/2009 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lockets · 14/06/2009 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sassybeast · 14/06/2009 22:23

The former. HTH

Claire2009 · 14/06/2009 22:24

What a bitch of a friend you are

Just because she done career..then possibly children first

Jealous are we?!

piscesmoon · 14/06/2009 22:24

I think you knew the answer before you posted-you are letting jealousy of her career get in the way.

ilikeyoursleeves · 14/06/2009 22:24

Infertility is one of the most devastating things you can face, no matter what the circumstances so yes, you are very much so lacking any sort of human compassion. How do you think she is feeling? She needs you to be there for her 100%, not to judge and she could very well still have successful IVF at her age. I hope she succeeds.

Northernlurker · 14/06/2009 22:25

You are certainly being realistic in that your being honest with yourself about how jealous of her you are. Best keep your miserable opinions to yourself I think.

MrsTittleMouse · 14/06/2009 22:26

You are lacking in compasssion.

By the way, Haribo - we were never going to have fertility treatment, and just accept what life had thrown at us, and instead make sure that we had a fulfilling life just the two of us. Lots of rounds of treatment later, and we have two lovely DDs.

psychomum5 · 14/06/2009 22:26

just to let you know......a first post such as this one is not gonna earn you many friends!!!

alicet · 14/06/2009 22:26

What stewiegriffinsmom said

LobstersLass · 14/06/2009 22:26

You're a spiteful bitch and I thank my lucky stars that you're not my friend.

sunfleurs · 14/06/2009 22:26

God there are some utter knobs on MN at the moment.

mrsboogie · 14/06/2009 22:26

for God's sake - she's only 41 -it's not like she left it 'til she was 48 or something

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 14/06/2009 22:27

mmmm

I dunno. I guess if she chose to wait till now then she has to except that it may be difficult but it will still be hard for her and she will need a good friend

I had my kids late but not ny choice.My first husband was infertile and also a tw@t hence why I got a second one!

PussyGalour · 14/06/2009 22:27

Dear God just when you think you've heard it all.
When she's sticking needles in her stomach every day for a month or waking in the night in cold sweats from the drugs or sitting looking at a negative pregnancy test having spent her life savings on put herself through all that, be sure to make sure you give her a hug. Or stay well away from her.

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 14/06/2009 22:28

there is an awful lot about women delaying motherhood in the news atm

why not consult a journalist?

Gingerbear · 14/06/2009 22:28

I was 39 and 44 when I conceived. Ist time no problem, 2nd time was difficult and I needed clomid. Infertility is heartbreaking at any age.
Count your blessings, put your thoughts aside and be a better friend.

dizzydixies · 14/06/2009 22:29

glad she's got all the RL support she needs for the steep learning curve that is conception/pregnancy/childbirth and parenting

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