Getting fed up with creepy comments

[Dixie81]

I try to get out for walk or run every morning. It’s a rural area so people tend to stop to chat if they meet me and most of them are very nice but there are a few who make me feel really awkward with their comments. They’re all older men. Two of them live along the route I have to take to go anywhere so can’t be avoided completely. I’m not good at smalltalk anyway but I haven’t got a clue what to say in situations like this.

It started with comments about my legs because I was wearing shorts in the summer. Nothing nasty, just things like ‘You’ve a great pair of legs on you’. Then when I was wearing jeans it was ‘Nice ass’. Then silly things like ‘It’s getting colder, let me know if you need someone to keep you warm at night’. I just laughed this off. There’s one man who now seems to always be outside as I go past and he insists on stopping to chat, often holding me up for ages. A while back he was talking about how he was having trouble sleeping and asked if I did too. I said no, I’m lucky that I sleep well. Then he said ‘I bet you could help me sleep better too’ while grabbing the buckle of his belt and pulling it upwards. It’s hard to describe properly but it really felt like some sort of sexual gesture. Another day he was talking about how he had a lot of work to do and he wished he had my energy. I said something about how I had plenty of work to do too but he kept rambling on and said ‘All this energy you have during the day, what about at night? Does it last all night too, ha ha?’ while smirking at me. I couldn’t make any sense of this until long after the conversation had ended so didn’t know how to respond in the moment.

I know none of these are overtly sexual comments but they’re enough to make things uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say to them. It seems like no matter what the conversation is about or what I say, they will turn it into something weird like this. All the creepy men were hard enough to deal with when I was a teenager but I genuinely thought it would stop as I got older. I’m definitely older now but I’m starting to think it never stops. The creeps just get older. I’m really fed up with it. Is this just something us women have to learn to deal with? Any advice about what to say/do in these situations would be helpful.

YANBU. They sound awful. You don't need to be polite or make small talk.

Just tell them to fuck off.

And if you don't want to swear say 'stop harassing me or I'll call the police'.

They ARE overtly sexual comments. I'd wear headphones/sunglasses and ignore completely, or perhaps reply 'Fuck off you pervert'.

Ignore, don't put yourself in danger by swearing at them. You have no idea how they are going to react. You are under no obligation to stop, and chat to these people either, so don't.

There’s one man who now seems to always be outside as I go past and he insists on stopping to chat, often holding me up for ages.

Stop choosing to chat to him then and just carry on past.

There’s little you can do to change other people’s behaviour, but you’re in charge of your own.

How old are they? I would act like they had some form of dementia and be really patronising "Oh yes right, I have got legs haha. How are you dear? Are you getting our much these days, do you get help at home?" refuse to see it as sexual or flirty and react as if they are confused, etc, that'll shut the dirty old man up. Urgh.
Also works on younger men if you pretend to be a bit deaf and say "sorry I missed that, what did you say again" with a big grin, it really puts them on the back foot

Agree. They are absolutely overly sexual comments. You have absolutely no obligation to spend any of your time on people who’d make these unsolicited comments to you - bloody creeps. Sunglasses on and just walk / run past, totally blank them. You owe them no explanation at all - they are definitely being creepy.

What? They’re all overtly sexual comments! I would wear headphones and run past without engaging at all, no need to feel that you have to be polite and listen to these horrible men.

Yuck, sounds like you live in the 1970s next to Sid James.

Why would the OP want to engage at all with these people?

That just takes time out of her day to give them the reaction they want.

Why bother with any of this? Time is precious, my time is anyway.

You are right, I've had this on the bus and times when you can't just walk off and found deliberately misunderstanding a way of getting rid without provoking a bad reaction when you can't leave.

How fucking dare they, still. 🤬

Stop giving them your time. Ignore them, walk straight past, no eye contact, pretend not to hear any comments. They see you stopping and talking as encouragement to keep doing what they're doing.

Glare and walk off

Wow. This has made me furious for you; how fucking dare they.

Exactly, and not only that, but they're not making these comments because they want to be ignored, they're making them to get a reaction from the OP.

So engaging with them is like giving them a gift wrapped present.

Agree with others that the comments have already crossed a line which means you are entitled to completely ignore them or let them know you're asserting a boundary without feeling guilty.

Headphones when you walk past, or even better, cycle the first part of your route so that you just whizz past them and then lock your bike up and enjoy your run/ walk well away from them.

God men have no idea how difficult they make navigating the world for women.

Don't get headphones or start cycling unless you were intending to do this anyway.

Just walk or jog past without so much as glancing at them but do NOT change your behaviour.

Oh no, they do have an idea - the ones who behave like this have a very good idea. It’s absolutely deliberate.

They are overtly sexual comments & it’s really weird

Agree that those are overtly sexual and you are under reacting.

You are under no obligation to stop and chat either. Some options:
Just say morning and don't stop, wave and keep going no matter what they say.

'honestly I don't like those sort of comments. Please stop commenting on my body or nighttime habits. Have a good day now.'

'dont be inappropriate dear'

'really, what would your mother/sister/daughter/ well known woman in village say if she heard you say things like that. Please stop saying them I don't want to hear them.'

This.

They are disgusting comments
Completely unreasonable

I would just look at them and go ‘ewww’

If you feel uncomfortable not saying anything, Shout ‘can’t stop, timing my run’ and keep going

This is where you forget politeness. Stop talking to them. Just stop, keep running and they'll get fed up, they want to get a reaction, pervy twats. Or I find a swift fck off can help.
No headphones, sadly I think joggers esp women need to be aware around them, weird blokes like this as well as cars etc. You could get some but just don't plug them in so makes you look like didn't hear anyone?

Neighbour around here commented on my breasts every time I saw him, this was after he thought it would be appropriate to ask me to sleep with him while my partner was on a fishing holiday. Told him to f-off. I totally ignore him now, it's so much nicer.

Put yourself first OP.

I actually would take those comments as being overtly sexual. They sound like grubby old perves and they have had far too much of your patience