Getting fed up with creepy comments

[Dixie81]

I try to get out for walk or run every morning. It’s a rural area so people tend to stop to chat if they meet me and most of them are very nice but there are a few who make me feel really awkward with their comments. They’re all older men. Two of them live along the route I have to take to go anywhere so can’t be avoided completely. I’m not good at smalltalk anyway but I haven’t got a clue what to say in situations like this.

It started with comments about my legs because I was wearing shorts in the summer. Nothing nasty, just things like ‘You’ve a great pair of legs on you’. Then when I was wearing jeans it was ‘Nice ass’. Then silly things like ‘It’s getting colder, let me know if you need someone to keep you warm at night’. I just laughed this off. There’s one man who now seems to always be outside as I go past and he insists on stopping to chat, often holding me up for ages. A while back he was talking about how he was having trouble sleeping and asked if I did too. I said no, I’m lucky that I sleep well. Then he said ‘I bet you could help me sleep better too’ while grabbing the buckle of his belt and pulling it upwards. It’s hard to describe properly but it really felt like some sort of sexual gesture. Another day he was talking about how he had a lot of work to do and he wished he had my energy. I said something about how I had plenty of work to do too but he kept rambling on and said ‘All this energy you have during the day, what about at night? Does it last all night too, ha ha?’ while smirking at me. I couldn’t make any sense of this until long after the conversation had ended so didn’t know how to respond in the moment.

I know none of these are overtly sexual comments but they’re enough to make things uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say to them. It seems like no matter what the conversation is about or what I say, they will turn it into something weird like this. All the creepy men were hard enough to deal with when I was a teenager but I genuinely thought it would stop as I got older. I’m definitely older now but I’m starting to think it never stops. The creeps just get older. I’m really fed up with it. Is this just something us women have to learn to deal with? Any advice about what to say/do in these situations would be helpful.

I would very clearly say that their comments are highly inappropriate and you don’t want to have to report them, but you will and walk off. Or break into a run when you see them if you can’t do confrontation (which, btw, you absolutely shouldn’t have been pushed into doing) and just wave if you feel you have to acknowledge them. Personally, I’d be speaking to their wives, although direct is obviously better.

This is terrible. Is there no way you can change your route?
I know you shouldn't have to but I wouldn't want that level of shit when I just want to mind my own business.
Also don't stop and chat to anyone. Headphones on. Crack on. Get back home asap.
X

Blank them completely, put it on your local facebook as a warning to girls and women and say the police are aware (so report it to 101 first) Doesn't matter if they have dementia/lonely/eccentric who gives a fuck they are sexualising you and for all you know they could be convicted offenders as well.I would change my route as well.

I would have got my phone out to film them and threatened to post it on social media the very moment they started with the inappropriate comments.

People like that are arrogant and think they are above consequence.

I’ll try ignoring them as much as possible.

What do you mean 'as much as possible'??

Just ignore and stick to it.

They absolutely are overtly sexual!

I have this problem minus the creepy comments. I run most days and there are a few older guys on our new build estate, and they always insist on stopping me to chat - when I'm mid-run! They're ALWAYS loitering outside their doors.

I didn't want to appear rude so stupidly used to stop and chat, then would end up having to cut the run short because I only have the hour lunch break to run in (I WFH - then home/shower) and these men are retired.

Once I had to actually turn around and go home without running at all, as one of the men (a real local chatterbox) held me up for so long, I'd run out of time to run. After that, I got angry and completely stopped. I will start running, and then when I inevitably pass them, I just wave and say "can't stop, timing myself!" They still try to talk but I just jog past.

Could you try something like that?

So sorry, op. It's bad enough for me without the sexual comments. Don't be polite any longer. You're on your run, you can't stop, it's your workout time. If you were on a bike ride you wouldn't get off the bike to chat so why should you stop your run?

Jesus where the hell do you live? If anything you are under reacting these are disgusting pervy inappropriate comments you shouldn’t have to put up with.

It’s sexual harassment. Report them to the police. Don't put up with it.

One approach is to act dim and when they say this creepy stuff ask them "what do you mean by that?" They will either say it again and you repeat "what do you mean, I don't want to take you the wrong way" or they will get flustered/angry and back off. Generally though try not to engage with them and regardless of their local standing they should not be allowed to continue with their slimy behaviour unchallenged.

Wave from the other side of the road, say hi and keep walking, or say you’re in a hurry and can’t stop and chat. Repeat every time you see them.
If you feel you have to engage, then “that was inappropriate, I’m going to go now” or “that was a weird thing to say out loud” and walk away. Then walk by on the other side of the road, don’t look over, don’t engage again.

I think you are probably a polite and patient person but that’s what’s fuelling them. If you feel rude doing the suggestions on this thread then just remember they have been very rude to you. They are not nice men and you don’t owe them anything

As women we are socialised to be polite and these vile creeps know this which is one of the reasons they feel they can make foul sexual remarks like this. Would they even speak to a man out for a run let alone make comments about his legs? Of course not because they would get a gob full of abuse or even a smack in the face. Ignore and blank them, to which you will doubtless get called things like "stuck up bitch" but carry on blanking them. Also consider reporting them to the police. In the city where I live, the police did an initiative with women runners about male harassment when they were out exercising. I find it hard not to hate men these day, how bloody dare they behave like this.

OP , can I ask how old you are , I’m guessing late 20s I had this all the time , I now just smile and wave , I never stop walking I just pass waving a hand just saying sorry I’m really busy .. It’s not rude , but they are .. men can be so Crude

I have had to deal with such comments but never on such a regular basis as you are describing. Just tell them to fuck off.

Jesus. So fed up with these assholes everywhere. Please please stop engaging with this. You don’t owe them politeness. So sad it’s still so ingrained in women to make themselves ‘unproblematic’. You could Maybe remind them it’s 2026. Maybe suggest they ask their wife to help them out. Orrrrrr, I’d just tell them to fuck right off and then ignore them.

This is aimed at children but seems appropriate… https://www.instagram.com/reel/DC6xqlIpjEy/?rpxt=MTUyM3YzNzNocmR6eg==

They are sexual comments though, and they're unwanted. These men might see these comments as harmless flirtations, but it's sexual harassment.

I'm assuming they are quite a lot older than you? Not that it particularly makes any difference.

You have zero obligation to stop for a chat, and unfortunately, the fact you do, is probably giving this particular man delusions that you are interested in him. It shouldn't of course, but some men really have no self-awareness. Stop with the chatting. Keep running. Shut any comments down immediately. Show your distain.

This! And in addition you should mention maybe telling their wives.

Personally, I’d be speaking to their wives, although direct is obviously better.

Yes I was going to suggest this since you said they are both "happily married men".

Perhaps politely approach their wives and say something like "Do you think you could ask Sid to dial down the jokey sexual innuendo when I pass your house. I don't suppose he means any harm but it makes me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious as I don't know how to respond to it."

With any luck the creeps will then find themselves in so much shit with their wives that they will be ack off.

bigboykitty
I'm a 44 year old female.

They are overtly sexual comments. These guys are viewing you as a play thing, a toy to break up their boring day and probably have a wank to later on. Don't change your route or wear headphones. Just literally jog on by. I know you'll feel as though you're being rude, but that's what men prey on. They know that most women are conditioned to humour them.

Why don't you just say hi and sorry I can't stop, why do you stop and chat particularly if they are inappropriate. You don't have to talk to them except maybe hi as you go by.

There’s no need for this. I speak to men at work and in my personal life too, so do most women! This about a woman specifically being harassed whilst she’s running. Do you run on a daily basis? Why not? The OP does, so it’s very strange that you’re different and don’t run too! 🤨

Say you are recording any inappropriate comments for the police file they advised you to make!

Another vote to ignore, ignore, ignore. Dirty little perverts. Don't wast any more of your time engaging with these revolting men.

I do run, not daily but 10k 3-4 times a week.
Admittedly i've just recently started running again, but I don't receive these comments.
Maybe i'm just a minger.

@Dixie81 On the contrary, from what you've said about these men and their remarks it's all definitely and without a doubt sexual comments and come ons. Struggling to see how you don't think that too! They're not even subtle about it. You need to tell them to fuck off and stop being creeps or absolutely ignore them. I would go with the latter and give them a body swerve every time and not engage, they probably get a kick out of it.