Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

Yanbu - they're being outrageously selfish and unreasonable. Good for you holding firm against them

It is your birthday, and an invitation is not a summons. I would not want to go to a vegan restaurant so if someone invited me, I would politely decline. I would not bad mouth you for your choice.

It’s YOUR birthday, you have decided on a restaurant you like and they’re complaining because they have to eat one meal without meat? Can you get more selfish?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, they are being very unreasonable.

It’s your birthday so you get to choose

I’m also vegan and am tired of going to restaurants and having little choice from a menu.

Keep the meal out to just you and your immediate family and enjoy a pleasant evening eating what you want

there will inevitably be someone who comments shortly who’s Neanderthal husband can’t possibly have one meal that’s not meat. But no YANBU it’s YOUR birthday, you get to pick. (and I am not vegan)

Id reply “auntie Ann, the booking is at Restaurant X for 7:30pm, I won’t be changing it, please can you let me know if you no longer wish to come so I can let them know, thanks”

and leave it at that

It’s your birthday your choice. A vegan restaurant wouldn’t be my choice but for a family members birthday I’d assume there’d be plenty I could eat and just go and enjoy myself. Maybe try something new. They’re being selfish, not you.

It’s your birthday go where works for you. If others don’t want to attend that’s on them.

if you want to be diplomatic I would just say “sorry I really want to eat there but understand it’s not for everyone, if you don’t want to join us for the meal your welcome to join us for cake and a drink on (date to suit you”

I've had some amazing meals at vegan restaurants. It blows my mind that there are adults so narrow-minded that they wouldn't eat a single meal without animal products.

You're not unreasonable at all op.

Your birthday, your choice. They don’t have to go.

Put your foot down and say you are sticking to the original arrangement with your dh and dcs. This is ridiculous behaviour from the other people.

Cheeky bastards!

Some people are so weird about food labelled as vegan, and I say that as someone who's idea of heaven is a Brazilian bbq. Hold your ground OP its your birthday ffs. I can't think of a single type of restaurant I wouldn't go to for a friends birthday.

So they invited themselves and then complained about the venue? You might want to think about telling them you have cancelled and then go without them because they will make snippy comments throughout your meal and spoil your birthday.

They weren’t even invited. They invited themselves! I don’t mind them coming with us but I feel they’re the unreasonable ones to want to change the restaurant.

My son says I should say they’re no longer welcome as they might spend all evening moaning and criticising the food.

What a funny family you have. Do they think they might fade away for want of meat at ONE meal?

What @PrawnAgain said

i am not vegan, and no stranger to booze, but this has made me think of such a delicious meal i had in a vegan restaurant in Birmingham with a non-alcoholic so lovely i still remember it 😄

Bin the idiots off, your birthday, your choice

Yes - you don’t want them there if they are going to piss and moan about the food on offer

If it's Land in Birmingham they are mad because it's incredible - and I say that as a committed meat lover.

Don't change a thing. You're not inflexible, they're ignorant buggers who are willing to spoil your night because they won't try something new!

I think they are being rude. They asked for an invite, got the invite and they’re now saying they don’t want to come. So they don’t have to .
They can arrange an outing to somewhere at a different time if they want to.
Stick to your plan.

Oh! And think your son is right.

Wow. It's YOUR birthday, and that person has taken it upon themselves to try to book elsewhere because it suits them? Tell them to get to fuck.

They are being v v unreasonable - not least because vegan restaurants are usually SHAMAZING. 🤩 And I say that as a confirmed omnivore. I sometimes feel like people are trying to make a point by being dramatic over having to eat plant-based food for ONE meal 🙄

I agree with your son. Who are these rude people? Are they very close family?

"Hi family, it was lovely that you wanted to join our booking at XXX, a treat I have been looking forward to for ages, but if it doesn't suit never mind, This has been planned as my special birthday treat but if you won't enjoy it that's fine. I've amended the booking again and see you somewhere else in a few weeks and we can celebrate then.- "