Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

You join them at their choice of restaurant then they invitate for their birthday? Or?

My vegan friend doesn't - she thinks it her job to pick a suitable place to celebrate My party.
My other vegan friends does join - no faff works it out.

Let it go. People can join. Or not.

This

They sound incredibly rude and I agree with your son, I’d worry they’ll make a thing if it now. I’d say you wanted a small family meal and probably best keep it like that! Absolute CFs

They are being insane, you are in the right. They can just not come if they can't cope with one vegan meal! Utterly ridiculous.

I'd go back to your original plan, it shouldn't be this stressful.

I’d join the WhatsApp group and say, ‘me, Dave and the kids are going to X for my birthday-it’s a vegan restaurant that I’ve chosen and we are all looking forward to. You can’t invite yourselves to piggyback my birthday meal and decide it should be held somewhere different! I think it’s best if we revert to the booking just being the four of us.’

I love a good steak or meat based meal but I would not quarrel with a friend who preferred vegan food. Last year we went to a wedding where the reception was entirely vegan and we loved the food we were given. The only thing we didn't like was star fruit which was part of the dessert. It was a wonderful meal.

Your birthday. Your choice. They're being selfish. If you go to a restaurant that isn't all vegan then you usually get very few choices as a vegan. Tell them that's where you're going and If they don't like your choice then maybe they'd prefer not to come after all.

Your son is very astute. Tell them to sod off!

I have never understood some peoples' aversion to any meal without meat. A large part of the world eat little or no meat and consider it normal. In the west, we eat macaroni cheese, cauliflower cheese, lentil soup, and other oulses as "normal food" i dont see the dramaa.

In my experience, vegetarian and vegan restaurants usually go the extra mile to serve tasty, appetizing food. It usually is a far better option than a mediocre restaurant that happens to serve meat...and there many of those!

Your extra friends/family are being ridiculous and very rude. It's your birthday not theirs.

Say what now?!

OP , 100% agree with your son!

Gosh this is pathetic. Are they worried about catching veganism?

I would cancel the booking and then rebook a different vegan restaurant just to piss them off.

Genuinely, is this for real OP

What a set of jokers if so.

@HideTheDog I hope you have a lovely meal in a resturant where you can eat everything you like on the menu.

With the high handed way these people are behaving reorganizing your birthday plans..to suit themselves. I wouldn't put it past them to do some of the following mocking the menu, making a fuss about tasting it and then complaining that they didn't like it would rather have meat, asking why you are a vegan (again) etc.
Maybe they would behave themselves, but if they didn't, that kind of thing can really ruin a fun meal out.

I'd tell them I'd meet them another day that week, somewhere they choose.

Just seen their comment that you are "only thinking of your own needs. "

Yes. High Handed relative. I am only thinking of my own needs - because its my birthday. When its yours you can do the same. It will be just me, Dh and Dc on my birthday at the Vegan restaurant now. We will meet everyone else on another day.

It's your birthday and you should choose. I wouldn't want to eat in a vegan restaurant, so would never have invited myself in their position. They are being very cheeky!

"You think I’m being inflexible. I think you're being selfish and completely unreasonable. I’m very happy to go to a different restaurant with you another time, but this is my birthday treat, I chose the restaurant I want to go to and it was all arranged before you asked if you could join us. If you don’t want to join us any more that’s a shame but your decision."

Wow how small minded of them! I am non vegan and one of my favourite restaurants is a steak type place but my son is vegan and we go to vegan only restaurants and the food is LUSH! It is not even the whole ‘it is one meal can’t they just not have meat’ it is fabulous food designed to not have any meat type products. I love the opportunity to not only have great food done well but to share a meal with my son where he can choose anything on the menu.

It is YOUR birthday and you should be able to eat anything on the menu. Stick to your guns!

It’s ok to be vociferous about it. I’d have dropped in the WhatsApp group ‘it’s my fucking birthday so obviously I’m going where I want’

this is 100% your mum and dad right ?

Oohhh, well firstly your birthday, your choice…secondly - I just looked up a vegan restaurant near me and the menu looks really interesting with loads I would like to try!! If they don’t want to go that’s ok, I hope you have a fab evening!

Your son is right. Tell them you’ve reconsidered after all the fuss and have decided to keep it as a family meal as you originally booked it for just the 4 of you. Ignore any attempts to get you to change your mind and say that you can’t change the booking any more, so it will be just you 4.

That will ensure you can enjoy your meal in peace - and hopefully teach them to be less pushy, rude and thoughtless!

Lol, are they worried that they may actually like the food?!
Anyway, well done OP for standing your ground. They're being very entitled and the only ones here being inflexible. Enjoy your meal and happy birthday!

I would not join the watsapp group at all. It was only set up to 'discuss what to do'

Theres no discussion to be had, so no joining the group or chatting is necessary.

@HideTheDog
Hold firm against them
Willing to bet they'd not do it for you
And what a bunch of selfish prats they are
Probably thought they'd go eat expensively and you'd pick up the tab
And all on your Cake Day too!

But vegan food is just food

What are you able to eat? I can't imagine it's a very healthy diet