Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

"I can't change restaurant that night since it's my birthday party. Lets catch up soon."

If they raise it after the day you can always say "No hard feelings I'd never expect anyone to attend an event they aren't comfortable with. We had a wonderful celebration, and we can always catch up soon".

Tonight I learned that some people get really bored when there’s not much on telly.

Well I certainly learnt something. I doubt very much you have learned anything.

But to try to enlighten you vegan food is food. I'll as happily cook and enjoy a completely vegan meal as I will cook and enjoy a haunch of wild venison

Normal restaurants serve everyone

yip

vegan restaurants don’t turn away none vegans

In one response, you told a poster not to be “so presumptuous” yet you’ve made a sweeping assumption everyone who’s pointed out the stupidity of your original question is a “tetchy” and “self-possessed” veggie. Nope, I think the vast majority of us who’ve replied to you have been baffled and/or amused that “you’d never really thought about” whether vegan restaurants offer meat. Plenty of responses have confirmed they’re neither vegan nor veggie yet still found your comment ridiculous.

Since you need strangers on the internet to spell it out for you: no, vegan restaurants don’t serve meat. It isn’t “one-sided virtue signalling” as you put it (while feigning an innocent enquiry, no less - LOL), it’s providing a specific cuisine but literally anyone who eats any diet is permitted to eat there. You’re not required to renounce meat and dairy forever and give a sizeable donation to a vegan charity to gain entry. Frankly, anyone going to a vegan restaurant expecting a meat dish is an idiot, similar to anyone going to a Mexican restaurant and expecting to find shepherd’s pie or spaghetti bolognaise on the menu.

Meat-based restaurants offer veggie and vegan alternatives so as not to alienate or limit their potential customer base. The more options they provide, the more diners they’re likely to get. Surely you realise how obvious that is? It’s just good financial planning to be inclusive of dietary requirements. Vegan restaurants, on the other hand, offer a specific cuisine catered to plant-based diners but literally anyone is welcome. They’re aware some people won’t ever bother going, but their USP is a vegan menu which will still appeal to plenty of people - vegan or not. Vegan restaurants are still inclusive, just in a different way to meat-based restaurants - Jewish people can go without worrying about kosher, Muslim people can go without worrying about halal etc.

Ha ha . Imagine thinking of your own needs on your birthday , your choice of restaurant 😁 How very dare you . Do they realise how stupid they sound .

Vegan restaurants serve everyone.

I follow a mostly animal based diet.

I’m a meat eater but have vegan/vegetarian meals every other day. I’ve had vegan/vegetarian meals out before and liked it very much. I think it’s strange that meat eaters must have meat in every meal! Too much meat and animal fats are not good for anybody! I’m glad you’ve gone ahead with your original plans, good for you.

Do you never eat any vegetables?
Are you a cat?

I'm an omnivore, but I don't write off places because they don't serve meat because I enjoy food in general. A meal doesn't need to have animal based products in to taste good.

I eat a small number of select vegetables and some fruit.

I love eating animal based and it’s remarkably simple and I have lots of choices with restaurants, just not vegan establishments.

For the life of me, I will never understand an adult that cannot go one meal without eating meat. It’s their loss, OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday!

Its your birthday FFS!!!
If you cant think only of your own needs then, when can you?! 🙄🙄
Tell them to organise food for another time and you and your immediately family will join them all then. Oh, and you've since retracted your birthday invite to extended family.

I think it shows great insecurity when people are so offended by another persons dietary choices

sure, veganism may not be for you, but why be so aggressive about the sheer existence of vegans? It’s really bizarre

Lol! Did you mean to call vegetarians 'self-possessed' or did you mean to say 'self-obsessed'?

Self-possessed is an adjective that means calm, confident, and in full control of one's emotions and actions, especially during difficult or stressful situations so you are complimenting vegetarians and vegans when you call them this. I agree that OP is self-possessed and she has seen through your faux naivety about vegan restaurants when a search of your posts reveals your obsession with mocking vegans and other stuff that you consider 'woke' or 'virtue-signalling'.

Not RTFT, but I don't think I need to to say what I think! It's your birthday, for heaven's sake! Your family sound horribly self-centred. Personally, I'd love to try a vegan restaurant, because (as a committed omnivore!) it's not something that's been in my orbit (and there aren't any where I live anyway!). But if I was part of your family I'd happily come along and enjoy something different because I love good food. Are your family saying vegan dishes can't be good? Thats a very narrow-minded view. My first thought would be that if it's a totally vegan restaurant, I bet the food will be fabulous because that's their specialty! It might even given me some ideas for recipes to try myself! My mouth is watering just replying to you! (Tempted to ask for a link to the restaurant - I love reading menus and fantasising what I would choose to eat if I went there 😊 but I appreciate it would be too outing to post it.)

But basically, no, @HideTheDog , you are not being unreasonable at all. I'm just sorry you have so many inconsiderate family members.

Enjoy your birthday with the caring family you already have around you!! 😀🍾

(Edited - typo)

I think ethical veganism is a luxury belief and vegan diet makes me unwell but even so these people were incredibly rude. One meal won't hurt anyone.

The half sister reminds me of the first vegan I came across, who pinned me down aggressively about milk being for infants, trying to convert me. Perhaps she's reacting to someone like that.

I've got a better argument now than I can digest milk very well, thank you. Vast areas of land in the north would have to be depopulated as they depend on animal protein. People like the Sami with their dependence on reindeer, for instance. They couldn't grow pulses or nuts there. Other cultures as well.

Anybody who gets a missionary attitude to diet is daft. I believe some fringe branches of Christianity get very incensed about people refusing meat for some reason. Maybe the half sister is one.

Have your lovely birthday.

Quite. There's sure to be things on the menu that are, if you like, 'naturally vegan' and might be on the menu anywhere - e.g. chips cooked in vegetable oil (it's rare to find chips cooked in animal fat unless the place makes a huge thing of their 'triple cooked beef dripping chunky chips'!) salad, pasta with vegetable-based sauce - 'vegan' doesn't have to mean eating meat or dairy substitutes that are heavily processed and might cause allergy/intolerance.

I think ethical veganism is a luxury belief

Hmm. I'm not sure. Does this mean that an ethical vegan cannot eat lentils, chickpeas etc because they aren't grown here?

They’re unreasonable. Everyone can eat vegan for once.
I am not vegan and I would happily eat a vegan meal since I do that regularly at home anyway .
We eat a mix of fish , chicken, vegetarian and vegan meals

Fuck em. Go to the restaurant with those who love you enough to show up for you.
I invited some friends to a vegan restaurant for my birthday once (I'm not vegan, it just got good reviews and sounded intriguing). There was a bit of scepticism as none of them are vegan either and some eat more meat/animal products than I do.
But they turned up, and they paid my share of the bill, and we had a lovely time.
That's how people who care about you behave.
Coda: we now go to the same place every year and people ask excitedly if it's happening, about a month in advance

I usually choose the vegan option these days. I’m dairy and gluten intolerant, so all I need to do is ask to see the gluten free menu. I then choose a vegan option, which I obviously know will be dairy free. So I’d be very happy to go to a vegan restaurant!

And obviously, they’re being unreasonable to even ask you to switch to a different restaurant for your birthday meal, so you should hold your ground.

You are Nbu they are selfish for inviting themselves to your dinner on YOUR BIRTHDAY! They don’t like the choice stay home!

Like regular restaurants provide for vegans???
Most of the “regular“ restaurants I’ve ever been in have only provided vegan meals as what would appear to be a rather begrudging afterthought with the least effort of making them edible let alone tasting ok. I’m talking jacket potatoes or tofu curry. So unimaginative and bland.
I rarely dine out now as I’m coeliac as well so there’s nothing out there for me that I can’t make for myself at home