Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

Your birthday, your choice. They weren't even invited. And I say this as someone who would have politely declined your invitation as I'm allergic to pretty much all vegan food!

There's a simple solution to this.

The late self-invitees can find a restaurant they like and have a nice meal out together while you and your family enjoy your birthday meal at the vegan restaurant you booked.

They understand that there are many naturally vegan foods right? A vegan restaurant is just a bunch of meal choices that all contain food. What bizarre behaviour.

Wow, that is quite amazing! You had booked a restaurant for your own birthday and some additional latecomer additions are suggesting you shouldn’t go to your preferred restaurant on your own birthday?!
The mind boggles at the entitlement of this.

Offer to book somewhere else and then just don't turn up and go to the vegan restaurant with your husband and kids. The others can have a nice time together without you! Absolute cheeky fuckers.

I can't stand this stupid small mindedness about food.

Allergies etc excepted, obv

I would tell them in no uncertain terms that it’s your birthday and you will be as inflexible as you want! And they are no longer invited as they have managed to make what was supposed to be a fun evening into something negative

People hear the word vegan and turn into idiots, do they think it's catching or they might expire if they don't eat a piece of dead carcass for one meal?

Fuck them. It's your birthday. They are being massively unreasonable.

It's refreshing to read an AIBU where the op actually stands up to the cheeky fuckers rather than crying about being walked over.

Stay strong and definitely don't feel the need to defend your choice to the bastards on a group chat.

People can't invite themselves to an already existing, planned social event and try to change it. If they don't want to go to a vegan restaurant that's a perfectly reasonable perspective, and they can just not come.

My father has a saying in situations like this.

'Tell 'em... fuck 'em'.

Your birthday, your choice. I bet you have been to restaurants that have limited to vegan offerings before a multitude of times. They can suck it up.

What a cheek to invite themselves and then try to change things. I'd go with those who were originally going and are happy to eat vegan. I agree with your son, they'll only moan and ruin the atmosphere.
I'll never understand people who get so upset at the prospect of one meal without meat. But easiest thing is to just leave them to it.

Your wider family have a cheek! They have invited themselves to your birthday celebration and now expect to dictate the venue! It would be a hard no from me. Although I am neither vegan nor vegetarian, if I was going to eat a vegan meal, I would rather it be at a specialist restaurant rather than whatever the vegan offering was in a regular one - I would expect the chefs to be expert in preparing good quality, delicious food.

Are you the black sheep and your siblings the golden children?

I can’t understand such entitlement from them unless it’s been happening since childhood.

I love this idea!

I think it's extremely rude of them . You have made plans they can join you or not

Having experienced meals at vegetarian and vegan restaurants, I certainly wouldn't choose to go to one. But nor would I invite myself to your meal, then complain about the venue.

Personally I wouldn't eat in a vegan restaurant, but in this case I think you are in the right. Your birthday, your choice of restaurant and you're absolutely fine with them not coming.

Stick to your plans and enjoy your birthday.

You are being more than R.

Your son has a point

I totally agree with your son! Tell them you're having this as your original 4 only as per the first plan and you'll see them another time.

I’m with your son on this one. Tell them where to get off - your birthday, your choice.

I vote with your sensible no doubt lovely son.

OP, your son is correct.

I’d join the WhatsApp group and say:

“Hi all, it’s my birthday and we are going to the vegan restaurant. That seems to not suit you guys so I’m going to go back to my original plans and it will just be the 4 of us going out to eat.”

Be clear, not apologetic and leave it at that.