Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

I dont know where youre getting your facts from.

About 91% globally eat meat.

CF behaviour.

Hi everyone. It's my birthday and I'm going to X restaurant. Be great if you can come. Let me know by Friday so I can confirm numbers.

X

Around one billion people don’t eat meat and 150 ish million are vegan.

This reminds me of when I wanted to go to Corarima. Family would NOT go, absolutely not. I am single, childless and an only child. Eventually I let it slip that I'd booked it and was going on my own. I was quite looking forward to it and then my Mum, half-sister (19 years older than me hence my 'only child' thing) and her son (obviously my nephew) all decided to come. Nephew has been twice since, loved it. Half-sister liked it but hasn't been again. Mum said it was far too expensive (it objectively isn't an expensive restaurant at all. I think it was about £100 for the four of us, I've spent more on a pub dinner, and she's wealthy)!

Her 'expensive' comment was due to no meat. It baffles me as the expense (if you can even call it that) is down to the years of expertise put into the dishes on the menu, they're fantastic and the flavour profiles are amazing.
Rant over, sorry for thread derail.

YANBU 😆they invited themselves for lawd's sake. They come with good grace or they can uninvite themselves too!

The stats are as the other poster set out, its about 10% world wide either vegan or vegetarian, very small percentage are vegan.

90% of us eat meat in the world.

They weren't even invited. They invited themselves.
Don't be bullied OP. YANBU.

'Restrict' is not objective though.

"It's my party and I'll cry if want to, cry if I want to ..."

On any other day I'd say you are BU OP. But it's your birthday celebration, so you get to choose. My heart sinks a bit at vegan food, but it's not like I can't eat it. They can come and order a bowl of steamed rice if they don't want to spend a fortune and save their money for another meal out.

They will complain about it from start to finish. Then complain about spending the money. Will they want to split the bill? They are CFs. Don't let them spoil the evening

What the..?
How RUDE are they?

I agree with your son!

I mean who invites themselves to a party and then decide the venue isn’t to their taste so ask the HOST to change it.

The cheek is quite mind boggling tbh,

Surely in that case, you don’t ASK to come right?

Youd just invite the OP to another celebration, on another day, to a restaurant that would work for a more varied taste?

Yeah I'd be worried that if they came now that you would just feel awkward knowing they don't want to be at that restaurant, and I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself as much as I'd be worried about what they were thinking of the food and the service.

I liked a PP idea of seeing them for tea and cake at another time, or what about drinks after the meal somewhere else? Not sure what age your children are and if it's appropriate for them to go to a bar or pub after the meal though!

Who are these people who invited themselves? Do they think it’s a free meal?

Tell them to go to their own restaurant of choice on their birthday - ridiculous

I am not vegan but if the birthday person is I would go where they want, I'd be happy just to be celebrating with them. Not all non-vegan restaurants have a vegan option and even if they do its often only one, for your birthday you should have luxury of choice. If they don't want to go to your chosen restaurant they don't have to come.

I don't understand why non vegans get so outraged at the thought of going to a vegan restaurant. Its one meal. And if its a good restaurant the food would be delicious.

I catered a vegan wedding last year and the bride told me some people turned down their invitations because there was no meat. Yet the menu was so varied with no quorn in sight. Jackfruit is a brilliant alternative to pork or chicken and is fantastic with the right sauce. Stuffed aubergines and peppers are lovely and filling.

There are great vegan deserts too. Whipped coconut cream with honey, vegan choc fudge, vegan ice creams are excellent.

There are also some pretty decent vegan cheeses in the shops too now. The vegan philadelphia cheese is awesome for making creamy cheesy sauces too and you really cant tell its dairy free.

And im not a vegan.

They are massive CFs. Happy birthday @HideTheDog have a lovely meal out.

I'm not sure what you mean? I'm saying the family should just keep quiet. Come or don't come, but this is her choice for her birthday.

I would love to know why you are unwilling to have a meal in a vegan restaurant.
I think if you give it a try you’ll realise that the food is delicious, you food won’t go hungry, you will enjoy it etc.

Claiming you are "inflexible and only thinking of my own needs" is pretty ironic really. That's exactly what they are and what they are doing.

It's your birthday, you absolutely should choose where you want to celebrate it.

YANBU.

It is your birthday, so should be all about you.

DH comes to a vegan restaurant on my, DS’s and DD’s birthdays. On other occasions we go to general restaurants with at least one vegan option.

On our birthdays we actually want a choice which is fair enough.

Excellent points.
I, my brother, and his wife are all enthusiastic meat and fish eaters but we once had a lavish vegan dinner at a famous vegan place in my city.
I’m laughing at thought of us three, rhapsodising like lunatics throughout the delicious courses and carrying on in amazement, like we’d never eaten Earth food before. (God it was fabulous)

If you’d have chosen a steakhouse, would they have decided they all should have had a vote and that you should go to an Italian or for a roast because they prefer it? I think not.

If they don’t want to eat vegan, they don’t have to go. Those are the choices - yes or no. Not “Maybe, if we get to approve the restaurant”. Follow your son’s advice.

Whoever asked you to change restaurants and then started the WhatsApp group is a selfish CF twat. I’d be steering clear of anyone so rude in future.

Super proud of you for not joining the group. Don’t join - let them spin their wheels. Who do they think you are, summoning you to be corrected on your own birthday plans?!

You son is spot on - don’t risk moaners and stirrers turning up. Write one text message and send to each individually telling them you’re sticking to your plan of you, DH and kids.

I think even if it wasn’t my birthday, if the 4 of us had planned a meal and booked it, it would be unreasonable of them to think we should change to suit them when they asked to come.