My new bf

[sandybeaches74]

So I’ve had a new boyfriend since October last year. He’s good to me, kind to me, does lots of jobs around the house, cooks, cleans, is great with my kids etc… However, I am paying for everything, he is using my car, he is eating my food, he is basically living in my home rent free. He does pay when we go out for meals occasionally but tbh that’s not that often. When I asked for his share of the price of our summer holiday he was upset. He says that he doesn’t ask to eat my dinners and he wouldn’t have them unless I offered. It kind of leaves me with nowhere to go on the conversation. He doesn’t want to book any holidays so it’s always my idea and then I pay. I had a horrible husband before I met him and he is not that at all… but something isn’t sitting right here… everytime I raise it, I just don’t get anywhere so I have realised there is no point. Can you give me your views?

he is not a good guy at heart, he is a con artist.

WTF have I just read?

can he afford it? does he have a job?
if he can
stop paying for everything
stop giving him ALL your food

in relationships there is give and take
if he is just taking from you

and you are not happy with this you need to stop giving/doing those things.
you are in control of your behaviour and decisions you choose to make not him
if he is not listening or doesn't like it

tough

"does lots of jobs around the house, cooks, cleans, is great with my kids etc…"

it is great he does that but no point of being unhappy in a relationship.
if he is not listening to you then that is a huge problem.
he is willing to carry on regardless and discard your feelings.

what he said about the food is laughable, that is not really the point is it?
I would modify my behaviour with him asap.
Make clear what is going to happen here..Do not ask him. You don't need his permission or any decision from him to make changes.
The relationship won't work if you want it one way and he wants it another.
Resentment will build.......

(i haven't read other posts yet)

If your own income is a lot. Like it doesn't make financial difference to you. Your children aren't deprived of anything because of it.
You know, your income £20k a month and his £20k a year. If it works for you, it's fine. But it needs to be openly discussed and agreed upon.
If being official housekeeper of your home is his significant contribution, it should be recognised.
Contribution is not only financial.
Whatever works for you and your family is fine. Just talk.
But if you are uncomfortable about it, do whatever you deem right.

Are you aware there's noises being made for legislation to give live in partners rights to the shared home?

Having him pay your mortgage partly or in full would likely give him some rights as it currently stands. Do you want someone you barely know to be able to insist on a sale of your home to pay him off when you split or at least take a big chunk of your savings? Your home is your biggest financial asset and you need to take steps to protect that. He's already helped himself to your car. Are you paying extra to have him on it or is he paying his insurance?

Wise up and get informed.

If he respected you and was a good guy, he's wouldn't have moved in so fast and he would be paying his own way, not living off a new gf who's got kids to raise.

After a year!? Not defending the man at all, but I think if you have been seeing someone for a year it should be ok to at least let your kids meet him.

If he does lots of maintenance I probably wouldn’t charge rent. But I’d be splitting the food and house bills @sandybeaches74 and - he can get his own car, or pay towards petrol and insurance on yours.

A year in and he is living in your home with your children ! Who's idea was that?

@sandybeaches74 "I also know he is a good guy at heart."

That depends on your definition of a "good guy". He's getting his feet under the table OP. Doing the gardening and cleaning the house doesn't equate to paying for his share of the bills and food. Even if you have got a good job, you shouldn't be subsidising a grown man. What about your self respect? Anyway, as time goes by I expect the gardening etc will drop off a cliff and you really will end up with nothing but a total cocklodger. I know, I speak through experience.

He is NOT good guy hes an abuser financially and emotionally GET RID

You're better off with an uglier guy who at least has a job

Hope he paid to be added to your car insurance?

Feel like everyone is glossing over this major flag. I despair at women allowing a relative stranger insert themselves into kids lives. These poor children.

Thanks all. Honestly some of these responses are absolutely savage so I’m going to leave this thread here as I feel really shit now tbh. I’m a good person, with a lovely home and a great job who’s has a difficult few years and I couldn’t love my kids anymore. I was just trying to work things out in my head. Everyone has made their views quite clear.

he seems to have moved in

How exactly? Does he have keys?

Is this post for real clearly your the grafter and he's the shafter.

No, he doesn’t have keys. As I say, it’s crept up until he’s been around more often than not. Obviously if I had given keys then I would be complicit

Why is he using your car? What does he use it for?

Small mercies

Stop putting a cocklodger before your own kids. It’s shitty parenting and modelling poor relationship behaviour to them.

What makes you think he’s coming before my kids. Ffs, anyone would think some of you just want an opportunity to be vile instead of helpful. He’s not coming before the kids, the kids have a wonderful life.

Dear God, @sandybeaches74 came here for advice and support, not to be given a pasting.

So you post asking for thoughts, you get given that and you don’t like it? These replies should make you open your eyes wide to what’s happened and make you determined to put it right.

The fact you have known him a year and essentially he’s living in the family home of your two kids. Scabbing money off you that could go to your kids / their / your future.

A wonderful life but they have to share it with some bloke their mother met a few months before.