Another inheritance one!

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My DM died earlier this year, my sole surviving parent at the age of 99.

Me and my brother are likely to receive an inheritance sometime soon of @ £170k. My three adult children (who all have average paying jobs and all rent) have already approached me saying they’re expecting £40k each from me. The way they approached it has shocked and saddened me - of course I was going to give them something but I was thinking more of £10k each to put into an ISA or as a house deposit with their respective partners.

I still have £34k on my mortgage and a few other debts to clear and I pointed this out to them but they said this is down to me and I should have managed my money better, in fact they’ve picked apart all my financial decisions throughout their lives, when all I’ve tried to do is provide for them as a single mother. I helped them with cars and took them on holidays right up until a few years ago, even paying for their partners. I’ve given them money when I’ve had bonuses etc but I’m not a particularly high earner.

Now two of them have refused to speak to me, I’m finding this so upsetting. Am I right to want to clear my own debts and gift them the token £10k? How do I resolve this?

YABU = give them what they are asking for
YANBU = clear your own debts first

I can’t fathom how they think this is acceptable.

You have lost your mother, the inheritance is due to go to you.

Like You mentioned, I think it is decent and fair for you to funnel a smaller amount to each of the grandchildren (your children). But the majority of the inheritance is yours to secure you

That’s dreadful OP and I wouldn’t give them a penny 😟

I’d be so upset and disappointed. Not sure how you resolve this tbh … I’d keep my distance for a while and refuse to discuss it.

They can inherit when you are dead.

It’s literally none of their fucking business 😡

Carry on as planned and ignore them.

Wow - are they entitled.or what? No way I would be giving them anything if they came and demanded £40K each from me!

Don't give them anything. Their actions are shocking. Use it all on a nice life for yourself.

Bloody vultures. It's your money. If they are so good with their finances they don't need your late mother's cash. I would be so angry I wouldn't have time to be sad. Appalling. Be gentle with yourself.

If your mum had wanted them to have £40k each it would have been in the will.

It was left to you, you absolutely should clear your debts. After that, allow yourself a bit of fritter money then do something sensible with the rest.

It would have been nice to have given your children a small share, but in your situation I would now be rethinking.

It does seem an odd expectation of theirs. And the way they have handled it is very rude and sad.

I wonder if there is some background here where previous conversations have hinted you would share equally or something your mother has said to them to give them that expectation?

Please tell me this is a wind up thread?.... if not OP you have the most horrible and entitled children ever. I wouldnt be giving them a penny. If they cut contact then so be it.

All three of your children are so grasping that they came to you to insist that you give them a quarter? And now two aren't speaking to you?

They are terrible people and don't deserve a penny. I'm appalled.

I'd tell them that you had planned to give them some, but due to their behaviour had now changed your mind. Now they will get nothing.🤷‍♀️

I’d want to give them nothing, but I suppose you should rise above it and stick to your plan. Outrageous behaviour on their part!

How is their treatment of you normally OP? This is disgusting and demanding. I can't imagine treating my mum the same after bringing us up as a single mum. I would be delighted that she's getting the opportunity for some possible financial respite after challenging years bringing us up. Like you, she was a lower earner almost completely due to our needs and the circumstances that surrounded our upbringing at the time.

Stand your ground OP. Do not give them what they want. Do not even give what you were intending whilst they're being such entitled shits.

What age are they? I'm nosey.

Of course you shouldn’t give them anything. They are grabby and nasty. If your mother wanted them to have something she would have put this in the will.

I would tell them you’ll cut them out of your will too seeing as they are so nasty.

OMG, like PP I am hoping this is a wind up as it seems so unbelievable.

OP this is shocking and I would be very upset. I feel like there must be something missing from your account to explain this just a little bit!

Sorry for your loss op.

It’s your inheritance to do as you wish. They are unreasonable and rude. They’ve obviously all been mentally spending this lottery win and are angry it’s not materialised.

You are grieving your mother but I’d also be feeling grief at how nasty and manipulative these children have turned out. Not talking to you? They don’t get a penny.

Thats pretty shocking and disappointing.

I think the problem is you are damned either way... their behaviour is horrible and really nothing will "undo" it.... even if you gave the 2 that are NC with you 40k youd get a "hurumph" and a filthy look like you'd tried to rob them of something...

Doing some back of fag packet maths...
They are 30 to 45 yrs old 😵‍💫 I'm that age. I bought my own house and give my 70yr old mum money....
I'd find it more nuanced if they were early 20s tbh because they are totally screwed over but honestly these are grown ass adults. It's not cool.

They are so rude.
Have they always behaved in an entitled way?

Me I would naturally have had the Will varied to include them - equal 4 ways. However I would make it conditional that the money be spent on a house deposit or on paying off an existing mortgage.

Grabby cheeky fuckers. I’d give them nothing.

It’s not their inheritance to demand, they will inherit from you (if they’re lucky).

Cheeky feckers! Ignore their demands and do what suits you. Personally, I wouldn’t give them a penny.

Option C - they can fuck right off. They get nothing as they’re so grabby and rude.

The money was left to you so why do they feel they all should get 40k of it? I would give the one that’s still talking to you 10k and nothing to the others until they apologise and understand how grabby they are being. Willing to cut out their own mother because she won’t give them her money?!?!