Another inheritance one!

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My DM died earlier this year, my sole surviving parent at the age of 99.

Me and my brother are likely to receive an inheritance sometime soon of @ £170k. My three adult children (who all have average paying jobs and all rent) have already approached me saying they’re expecting £40k each from me. The way they approached it has shocked and saddened me - of course I was going to give them something but I was thinking more of £10k each to put into an ISA or as a house deposit with their respective partners.

I still have £34k on my mortgage and a few other debts to clear and I pointed this out to them but they said this is down to me and I should have managed my money better, in fact they’ve picked apart all my financial decisions throughout their lives, when all I’ve tried to do is provide for them as a single mother. I helped them with cars and took them on holidays right up until a few years ago, even paying for their partners. I’ve given them money when I’ve had bonuses etc but I’m not a particularly high earner.

Now two of them have refused to speak to me, I’m finding this so upsetting. Am I right to want to clear my own debts and gift them the token £10k? How do I resolve this?

YABU = give them what they are asking for
YANBU = clear your own debts first

I doubt she’ll have to. But telling them she’ll match it if they save 25k gives them something to work towards. They are demanding 40k now, that might just get spunked. If in five years they’ve managed to save 25k I think matching it for a house deposit would be a nice thing to do. But if they don’t, they don’t get anything.

I would never just hand over money, but I would match any savings they had. I love my children and would want to help them get on the ladder. But OP’s do sound particularly grabby.

Your children are well out of line. Why are they so entitled? You are not obliged to give them any of the inheritance. I would be very angry with their attitude.

Cheeky grabby fuckers

Pay off your debts and mortgage.

I think your own plan is totally fine.

MIL got 80k about 20 years ago and took us out to lunch.

Absolutely ridiculous op! Your mother left this money to you. Your children have no right to anything, let alone 40k each. Of course it’s up to you of you want to pass on any of the money, but you are under no obligation.

OP, can you please start a new thread called "Another inheritance one cont..." giving the following voting options:

• give them what they are demanding
• give them what I originally planned to give them
• give the greedy ungrateful sods nothing at all

I know which way I'd vote.

Thank you!

Don’t give them a penny. It’s not normal for the inheritance to skip a generation which is what they are proposing or actually demanding. The money is yours. Pay off your mortgage, pay off debt, have a nice holiday and treat yourself. The rest you can invest. If there’s money after you die, they can inherit then. But I’d be tempted to ensure there isn’t.

I'd give them nothing it's your money not theirs to take! ☹️

No one is ever entitled to an inheritance..... Least of all your children trying to grab yours. I'd disinherit them from yours when the time comes bypass them completely and leave it directly to their children or a charity.

I only hear of this on SM. Never in RL.

Your children need to fuck right off.

I would fully expect my mother to disown her three kids if we behaved like this.
We would not behave like this because we're decent.

I would laugh and explain that you only inherited when your mother died (not your grandparents) and it will be the same for them. I would also tell them you are very disappointed in them and now you know more than ever you will need ALL the inheritance to care for your needs as they have made it very clear they have no interest in your welfare.

If they are disappointed in how their lives are panning out they need to look at their choices. I say that as someone who recognises that houses are now disproportionately expensive and have helped my DC with small contribution to their deposits.

I'd vote same as @MitohMit ! Can't believe the cheek of them- especially all three to have ganged up on you- thats absolutely despicable behaviour. I'd be sailing into the sunset on a world cruise and changing my own Will at the first opportunity.

I'm so sorry for your loss too OP. What a time of it x

Wow. That would be a hard no from me after that.

Its funny how they are picking your life apart and telling you have having a mortgage with circa £30k left is because of your financial planning when they are all aged between 18 and 32 yet dont have their own mortgages, have average jobs and feel they can demand £40k each from you! Thats cheeky fuckery.

I would never have asked my DM for any inheritance she received and I would expect any either.

Enjoy your money OP!

third option. Give them bugger all.

Make sure you spend it all before you die and leave any spare to charity. Tell them to make their own brilliant financial decisions and they won't need your money.

Grabby little shits. Go and get your will re-written leaving your estate to charity. And in the meantime, pay off your mortgage and enjoy the inheritance the way your mum would have wanted you to.

I agree with this, £5000 each is a generous gift. But I would deduct £200 from it every time one of them mentioned money before I wrote the cheque. (Give the deductions to the dogs rescue or something, it might make them realise there are creatures worse off than them)

I personally don’t think care home fees are an argument against keeping the money - quite the reverse.

If OP does eventually need a care home (higher risk of this given that her children don’t sound like the type to help her themselves) then far better to have the ability to choose a nice, private one rather than be sent to whatever LA facility has a bed available.

Not only is this horrible of your children, I don’t understand tge maths here - they are expecting you to give them more than your share?

Agree with @ApplesAreAmazing Op, the financial mistakes were paying and paying for your DC, now they're entitled and nasty. They get what's left of your money when you die, until then pay your debts,
and put your money into high interest accounts which can't be accessed for 5 years

Give them nothing. Horrible behaviour.

Where have all THREE of them got the impression that this money is actually for them? I would be terribly confused and ashamed that all of them thought this was theirs and as for having a go at you regarding your own finances. They can bog off...

My three adult children (who all have average paying jobs and all rent) have already approached me saying they’re expecting £40k each from me.

Fuck 'em