Page 3 | Another inheritance one!

Highlightagogo · 2026-10-15T06:47:05+00:00

My DM died earlier this year, my sole surviving parent at the age of 99. Me and my brother are likely to receive an inheritance sometime soon of @ £170k. My three adult children (who all have average paying jobs and all rent) have already approached me saying they’re expecting £40k each from me. The way they approached it has shocked and saddened me - of course I was going to give them something but I was thinking more of £10k each to put into an ISA or as a house deposit with their respective partners. I still have £34k on my mortgage and a few other debts to clear and I pointed this out to them but they said this is down to me and I should have managed my money better, in fact they’ve picked apart all my financial decisions throughout their lives, when all I’ve tried to do is provide for them as a single mother. I helped them with cars and took them on holidays right up until a few years ago, even paying for their partners. I’ve given them money when I’ve had bonuses etc but I’m not a particularly high earner. Now two of them have refused to speak to me, I’m finding this so upsetting. Am I right to want to clear my own debts and gift them the token £10k? How do I resolve this? YABU = give them what they are asking for YANBU = clear your own debts first

Dontrinsemince · 15/10/2026 08:29

This is really sad. They've shown you who they are, and it's shocking. Honestly, don't give them anything. Pay off your debts and take advice on the best way to invest the rest. You're of an age when you don't know what is around the corner, use this to build a bit of a safety net. I suspect that you can't rely on your children to help you out, and couldn't even before this happened.

Silverbirchleaf · 15/10/2026 08:31

No it’s not normal !

My young adult children never expected or asked for anything from an inheritance.

can’t believe they begrudge you paying if your mortgage!

From now onwards, don’t mention it, change the subject and don’t give any details of the money. It’s funny how long probate can take to sort out… (and tip your siblings off so they can confirm your story).

(and I’d be tempted to rethink giving them any money as well).

BirdLandedonmyHead · 15/10/2026 08:31

Keep all the money, and put an amount of your chosing in an account for their children (when/if they have them).

Bringemout · 15/10/2026 08:33

It does seem odd that all your children are this ungrateful though. Is there some context missing?

truffleruffle · 15/10/2026 08:34

Yes think I would keep my distance for a while. Their attitude must be so disappointing for you.
When my mum passed my 3 children were given 50K each as we were in a position where we didn’t need it. However if they had asked we would have reconsidered.
I hope they think about it and change their attitudes.

Manybathrooms · 15/10/2026 08:35

After that performance not only would I not give them anything, I’d be rethinking my will too! I’m sorry op, how very disappointing for you.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 15/10/2026 08:35

iveryseldomfollowit · 15/10/2026 08:11

@Highlightagogo My guess is that there is some back story here. Do they blame you for their shortcomings (lack of education so are now in low paid jobs where they can only rent etc.., or you’ve fritted away money in the past that could have been useful to them, or something else)?

How much do they do for you on a regular basis? They may strongly feel they put you first all the time (as you’re single) and now feel you’re in a position to give them a leg up but are choosing not to.

OP, you should definitely pay off your mortgage and debts first, then some away for retirement but then if you have money left you should help them out with getting on the property ladder.

If my adult children were renting I would give them as much as I possibly could. Infact, I’m currently giving 33% of my wages to my DS for Uni and will do for the next 4 years so that he comes out with minimum Uni debt. I’ll do the same for my DS2 when the time comes too. Less debt gives them every opportunity to save for house deposits. I’m hoping their Uni education gets them a good paying job so I don’t have to help with further costs down the road. But will do if they are struggling. Your adult children seem to be struggling financially if you’ve had to help with cars and holidays, so they are asking you out of desperation so it seems.

They are hurt that you won’t help them.

Edited

They didn't even wait for her to offer before they went demanding. They are not hurt they are bloody rude and grabby.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/10/2026 08:37

iveryseldomfollowit · 15/10/2026 08:11

@Highlightagogo My guess is that there is some back story here. Do they blame you for their shortcomings (lack of education so are now in low paid jobs where they can only rent etc.., or you’ve fritted away money in the past that could have been useful to them, or something else)?

How much do they do for you on a regular basis? They may strongly feel they put you first all the time (as you’re single) and now feel you’re in a position to give them a leg up but are choosing not to.

OP, you should definitely pay off your mortgage and debts first, then some away for retirement but then if you have money left you should help them out with getting on the property ladder.

If my adult children were renting I would give them as much as I possibly could. Infact, I’m currently giving 33% of my wages to my DS for Uni and will do for the next 4 years so that he comes out with minimum Uni debt. I’ll do the same for my DS2 when the time comes too. Less debt gives them every opportunity to save for house deposits. I’m hoping their Uni education gets them a good paying job so I don’t have to help with further costs down the road. But will do if they are struggling. Your adult children seem to be struggling financially if you’ve had to help with cars and holidays, so they are asking you out of desperation so it seems.

They are hurt that you won’t help them.

Edited

Offering them £10k each is helping them. If OP gets an inheritance of £170k and pays off her £34k mortgage and other debts, that would probably leave her with about £130k. If she gives each of her children £40k, that leaves her with £10k. How on earth is that reasonable? The fact that two of them are refusing to speak to her is another reason why their behaviour shouldn't be rewarded. Given that her mother was 99 when she died, OP must be about 60 and will need this money for her retirement.

Motomum23 · 15/10/2026 08:37

Op you must be just gutted to realise your kids are all money grabbing toerags. I wouldn't give them a penny - or at most stick the planned 10k in a LISA so they cant touch it for a while. Honestly their behaviour is nothing short of disgusting.

My husband received a small inheritance because his dad had died before an unknown family member so it passed to him and his sister... he gave 80% straight back to his struggling mum because she would have had it through their dad if he hadn't died first. Thats what decent kids do.

OneTicklishPoster · 15/10/2026 08:37

It's an unusual response for all 3 children to have. Why is that? A lot missing from this story and I wonder why. Usually only left out if it paints the poster in a bad light.
Of course, based on information here, you are not unreasonable. Enjoy the feeling

MrHankyTheChristmasPoo2 · 15/10/2026 08:40

Wow the absolute cheek and entitlement of your children!

It’s absolutely not their place to tell you what they “expect” - they have no rights to the money at all.

As you’ve pointed out, you have your own needs for the money but this is not the point.

I’d be telling them in no uncertain terms how disappointed you are in their grabby behaviour, how you’d been planning to give them some after your own debts were paid but now you will be rethinking.

Winter2020 · 15/10/2026 08:40

You should send them each a link to this thread OP, their behaviour is disgusting.

Couldnt bring myself to give someone bullying me to give them money a single penny.

If they are such good money managers they would have saved their own house deposits.

Of course most parents want to help their kids. As you did. As I would. But someone bullying me I must give them 40k or they will strop and stop speaking to me not a chance.

I hope your kids are about to learn a life lesson. If you are hoping someone will give you thousands or even tens of thousands of pounds then best not to bully them or talk to them like dirt.

Sad for you OP. Get angry.

Namechange546 · 15/10/2026 08:41

You need to get angry OP and put the vultures in their place. The fucking audacity of them!

I'm assuming you are at / near retirement age? Definitely clear your debts and set yourself up for a comfortable retirement. Don't give in to their manipulation tactics (not talking to you etc).

I wouldn't be giving them a penny. Cheeky fuckers.

Girlwithavibe · 15/10/2026 08:41

Wow 😯
I've read some things on here and this has really shocked me !
Op I think I need to share this thread to your children and show them.how wrong they are honestly there behaviour is disgusting!

Winter2020 · 15/10/2026 08:41

OneTicklishPoster · 15/10/2026 08:37

It's an unusual response for all 3 children to have. Why is that? A lot missing from this story and I wonder why. Usually only left out if it paints the poster in a bad light.
Of course, based on information here, you are not unreasonable. Enjoy the feeling

Edited

Unless the OP owes each of her children 40k or has promised to share equally in the past what back story could there be that would entitle them to her inheritance?

PussyGaylore · 15/10/2026 08:42

Wow! You must feel so devastated.
Your children sound incredibly entitled. You won’t be doing yourself or them
any favours if you allow yourself to be manipulated into giving them money.
Also I’d make sure my will left all my money to the child who is still speaking to me with a covering letter setting out why so the others can’t challenge it. My suggestion - pay off your debts, take yourself off on a cruise and live your life.

Passthecake30 · 15/10/2026 08:42

Wow. Sorry for your loss OP. I’m currently awaiting inheritance too, I’m aware that my neice has asked my sister for a cut of hers which is so grabby imo. I’d never had the audacity to ask my parents for any money, the balls on that generation!

Laurmolonlabe · 15/10/2026 08:43

If your DM wanted your adult children to have an inheritance before you die she would have written it into her will, tell them you are under no obligation to give them one penny and they should keep their observations about your financial affairs to themselves if they wish to inherit ANYTHING when you die. Give them nothing now, it will serve them right.

Papyrophile · 15/10/2026 08:45

Clear your mortgage, fix any house issues, and then keep and invest 60% of what remains, splitting the balance three ways. This is likely to be the one and only inheritance you have, and I'd guess you are between 65-75. You may need to eke out any capital for many years.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/10/2026 08:48

I’ve been on MN for many years and this is the first time I have EVER seen a 100% in the vote. Normally there’s at least one person with a warped view that votes the other way. OP even the warped people agree with you.

Your kids are so unreasonable and entitled and cheeky they are off the scale. It’s your money, for you to do what you want with. I wouldn’t give them a penny, and I’d disinherit any that stop talking to me.

brownbootsandhats · 15/10/2026 08:48

You poor thing coping with this after your mother death

although does remind me of the “no charge” song - pure cheese
https://genius.com/Shirley-caesar-no-charge-lyrics

wanderingwillows · 15/10/2026 08:48

This is absolutely insane of them - the money was left to you!!! Not them! If your DM wanted them to inherit then there would have been a will specifying it! They sound entitled and ungrateful and I would not be rewarding this behaviour towards you.

Mossyfox · 15/10/2026 08:49

That is absolutely not on. The money is yours. I might give a small gift to them say £5k. If they are refusing to speak to you then they should get nothing. Tell them you might give them something if you reach the age of 99.

SonK · 15/10/2026 08:50

I am sorry for the loss of your mother OP x
You gift your children however much you want to and if they ever complain to you about finances tell them to manage their own money better.

MrsPerfect12 · 15/10/2026 08:50

Your children are disgusting bullies! Give them nothing. They’re blackmailing you with the silent treatment.