Girls weekend potentially ruined

[PumpkinQueen24]

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

The arsehole you married does not want to parent his own children while you have fun. What a prince.

You say "I'm not here, so YOU will gave to sort childcare".
The children are equally his. Go on holiday!

Just tell him you are going away so he will have to sort childcare if he decides to go and see his family or take them with him

Another one saying go. This has been booked for a year. He is looking after the kids while you go away, so if that clashes with going to see his family he can’t go.

I am especially unsympathetic that it is substance abuse that makes his family “need” him. That’s someone’s choice, not yours and not your responsibility to bend over backwards to accommodate.

Leave the house before he does - he'll have to sort out childcare or take them with him.

Unless they are dying then he should be arranging childcare as he is the childcare and has a responsibility at home that weekend. You are not home or available to look after them.

Why do YOU have to sort childcare for them? He is the childcare. Don't miss your weekend!

Sounds like he should be the one trying to sound out the childcare though? Not you?

Sorry, why do you need to sort childcare? You had sorted childcare already - him as a parent! It's now on him to sort childcare or at the very least help you sort childcare

Agree!!!

You tell him this has been booked for a year , you have never had time away from the kids and if he decides to bugger off to his parents HE has to sort childcare because you won't be cancelling the trip. Its not selfish to want a weekend away after 14 years of parenting he however is selfish expecting you to cancel to help his addict parents YET AGAIN or have the stress of finding childcare .

What exactly do the family need help with?? Sterling the needles??

He's a dad a husband a partner it's not all on you

Men make me sick

How old is the youngest?

YOU already sorted someone to watch the kids. HE needs to find someone if he's now going away.

I’d let your husband know that it would be his responsibility to find child care if he decides he needs to go the weekend you have had booked for a year.

Put yourself first and stick to it.

How ill is FIL? It's not clear from your post.

If FIL is a bit poorly like he has been for years, probably because he's been abusing substances, in which case you hubby isn't free this weekend and FIL, MIL etc will just have to manage without him. And if DH really feels they can't HE definately steps up and sorts childcare for the kids he could chose to look after.

If FIL is dying potentially/probably, then obviously a girls weekend is of no importance compared to doing whatever you can to support your husband whose father is dying.

You are not being selfish and if childcare is needed while they are due to be in his care, it is his responsibility to sort it out. The sudden need to go to 'help' this weekend. He's saboutaging your trip on the pretence of helping his family. His priority is to the family he created - you and the children.

Addicted parents? My guess is that he sees it as a chance to go out on the razz himself. If he even comes back home that weekend, he doesn't want the kids to hamper his fun

Tell him to fuck. Right. Off. You ARE going. He doesn’t get to pick this one weekend to play concerned son. Presumably this isn’t a one off crisis situation? Ask him what HE is doing to sort childcare. What a knob.

He is only saying that because he wants to get out of the arrangement you had by boycotting your trip.

He “might need” to stay home with the children, otherwise he would be looking at divorce papers and doing half of the childcare.

What a prince

Wow. I can see straight through this. You’ve never ever left the kids overnight in 14 years and now all of a sudden it’s not convenient for DH. I would be seriously considering your relationship. He sounds controlling. Get out or stand up for yourself! This is unacceptable.

Like others have said, this is only acceptable if his father is at end of life (and I assume you would have mentioned this).

And if this was the case surely your husband would be there already.

Not your problem. So his father is ok enough for you and DH to go on holiday with kids but he has to visit the very weekend you are away. Sorry OP he sounds controlling.

The fact you haven't been away with friends or even nights out with them in 14 year says a lot about the state of your marriage .

What a coincidence! How unlucky that the one time you do something for yourself, his family alao suddenly desperately need him 🙄

The fact you have to sort childcare, not even we (even though it should actually be him) has pissed me off more than is reasonable for an internet strangers. I'd want to tell him not to bother coming back again!

You are not being unreasonable to still want to go but it is kind of ridiculous to be moaning on mumsnet when you haven't even explained to him you really want to go and asked him to support that.