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Girls weekend potentially ruined

212 replies

PumpkinQueen24 · Yesterday 14:48

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

OP posts:
Phyllis1 · Yesterday 14:50

Your children maybe stay overnight with good friends?

NopeNotThat · Yesterday 14:51

Red line for divorce.

His kids come first. His wife IS away and he IS the childcare. If he doesn't have childcare then he will need to sort it if he wants to go without them.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · Yesterday 14:51

I bet your husband is the reason you have never had a night away from the kids

Overthebow · Yesterday 14:51

He needs to sort childcare if he can’t do it. Presumably this was in the calendar already?

DiscourteousDiana · Yesterday 14:52

Please go on your trip and tell your DH it’s up to him to arrange child care, or go and see his dad another time. Why are his addict father’s needs more important than his supportive wife’s needs.

Phyllis1 · Yesterday 14:52

It has been going on for years and your husband chooses this weekend to be involved?

Silverbirchleaf · Yesterday 14:53

I’d ask friends as well.

Stompythedinosaur · Yesterday 14:53

You are away. It has been booked a long time in advance.

If your dh wants to go away, it's on him to manage childcare!

Honestly, though, are you sure this isn't a toxic attempt to control you and stop you having a social life? Because that's what it sounds like!

ChapmanFarm · Yesterday 14:53

Is there a crisis point with his father? Something different to other weeks that means his going there will make a difference?

Is it this Friday you go or next?

I'm s little cynical that it has to be while you are away. Is he usually supportive obviously going out without him?

Silverbirchleaf · Yesterday 14:53

Phyllis1 · Yesterday 14:52

It has been going on for years and your husband chooses this weekend to be involved?

I wondered that. What’s the sudden need to go?

Coatsoff42 · Yesterday 14:54

You don’t need childcare, he’s their father. He’s looking after them, just like you looked after them last time he went to his parents.
The children are his priority and it sucks for his parents on this one occasion.

Don't cancel.

TISSHA · Yesterday 14:55

I’m so sorry, can imagine you are feeling gutted. But don’t give up yet!

Could you get them to your family at all? If the eldest is 14, they could go together in a taxi on their own? With phones and a family member on call in case of issues.

Friends? Even if they have to juggle around, could you ask if they can stay with friends for the weekend?

Babysitter? Our regular one was a student and often did overnights if we were travelling with work.

Could your husband stay with the kids til Sat morning and then drop them to your family on his way to his Dad?

Either of your parents - could they come and stay at yours and hold the fort?

If you can sort friends for the Sunday then your DH can drop the kids to their house first thing Sunday morning and head to his parents. Then he can be there til Fri/he needs to be back for the half term holiday?

Keep trying, something will turn up!!

RelievedNoYouTubeMum · Yesterday 14:56

What a fucking arsehole he is. I am furious on your behalf OP.

You tell him it has been booked for a year and he either stays home with them or you find someone to have them and he should expect divorce papers on your return.

Divebar2021 · Yesterday 14:56

What an incredible coincidence. How often does he normally go and see his parents ?

Thr33lions · Yesterday 14:56

You don’t need to sort childcare for them, you were leaving them at home with their dad. If he can no longer look after them then it’s up to him to find childcare. Sounds like he lacks the understanding that he wasn’t a hired babysitter that has had to cancel, they are HIS children.

Bubbleybees · Yesterday 14:57

Yeah it is not your job to be sorting childcare in this scenario. You deserve a break.

Hatty65 · Yesterday 14:59

No. You say, 'John - I am away on my first ever trip that has been booked for a year and I have been looking forward to. You are the parent looking after the girls that weekend, so unless you figure something out you won't be going to your parents at that point. I am not cancelling my plans and letting my friends down because once again your adult parents have problems with addictions.'

And mean it. If he decides he's going then he's an abusive arsehole who is deliberately fucking up your plans out of spite and I'd be looking at divorce.

AbzMoz · Yesterday 14:59

I can only agree with the other PPs. This is grade A twattery from him. Go on your holiday, enjoy the prep for it with a nice manicure or whatever floats your boat. Do n it get involved in the flipflopping plans - it’s DH’s job to sort.

BeverleyMakka · Yesterday 15:03

As with other PPs this is not your dilema to sort.
You are away, if he can’t parent his kids then HE needs to sort alternative care.
This is a hill my marriage would die on I’m afraid, in fact depending on how he’s behaved in the past I’d be seriously considering ending the marriage anyway

Hoppinggreen · Yesterday 15:08

You will be away, he has known this for a long time
Childcare that weekend is his issue not yours

Whyarepeople · Yesterday 15:08

Why on earth is it up to you sort to childcare??? He's on duty with the children and he isn't available so he has to sort it out, not you.

Tell him you're going and he can get on with it.

Is he abusive in other ways?

Phyllis1 · Yesterday 15:09

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Delphiniumandlupins · Yesterday 15:12

It's up to your DH to sort childcare if he needs to be away this weekend. You can give him suggestions but don't do all the legwork. Perhaps a family member or friend could come to your house. Perhaps DH could visit his family after you get back. Do you really want him on the family holiday if he doesn't prioritise you getting a break (in which case he can visit his family then)?

Itiswhysofew · Yesterday 15:13

Why is he even bothering? Could be he actually doesn't want you to go away?

MrsTerryPratchett · Yesterday 15:15

Honestly, I think he doesn't want you to go away.

My DH would have found an alternative, or suggested someone else, or done something. His just assuming you will sort it out looks like sabotage.