Girls weekend potentially ruined

[PumpkinQueen24]

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

"I've committed to this already. If you need to go away you will need to sort that childcare."

I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them

No, HE needs to sort out childcare, not you. He's the one who was supposed to be looking after them that week.

I strongly suspect this has nothing to do with him wanting to support his alcoholic/addict parents and everything to do with him not wanting you to have a weekend away with your friends. He's a prick.

Don't you dare cancel that weekend away. Don't you dare.

I hear that your family are 2 hours away. Can you phone and ask any of them to come and stay at yours for the weekend? Or watch the kids for the weekend and stay for the rest of the week so you get to see them too? Can you drive your kids up to meet them half way?

Make that phone call to your family in your husband's earshot. Cry. Because you probably want to anyway.

It's fucking unfair.

Do you have any local friends or kids' friends who would have them for the weekend? My youngest's 14 and if the only way his best mate's mum could get away is for that boy to stay with us for the weekend then he can come on over.

Your FIL has been unwell with substance abuse for YEARS and all of a sudden when you have a glimmer of some joy, your husband has to fly off to your FIL smells like some kinda bullshit to me.

But don't beg him. Let him play his stupid games and enjoy 16 hours of travel for a shitty weekend with his family.

I'm raging on your behalf.

What a useless man.

What a prize you have. You don’t need childcare, you need a husband who can take care of his own children. You’ve a few options though.
Tell him to take the children with him.
Tell him to stay at home and look after the children as agreed.
Tell him to take the children to your family.

Not good enough at all.
Always drama with his family?
You never do ANYTHING for yourself and cannot even do this?

OP are you bullied, dominated, or ground down by him?

Because in a normal healthy relationship there is no way this would happen.

He would know that your weekend is in stone and its up to him to sort it out.

It all reads a bit too convenient to me.

No no, HE might have to sort childcare.

Seriously if it is life or death I’d ask my family and see if they could step in, but no question I would still be going on the trip. If the shit really hit the fan I’d consider coming back early.

When is the weekend away? Unless it’s this weekend why doesn’t he go up now and then be back in time for your break? Or in the alternative he can go as soon as you get back (if 8 hours could he fly?).

Can he not take a day or couple of days off work in the week to go see his father? Why does he get to trump your plans but not inconvenience himself at all?

Exactly what I was going to say.

I would try and get your children to stay with their friends, that is what I always did. In my village we all helped each other out. Babysat in th3 evenings, looked after then in school,holidays etc.

This.

"No, I am away that weekend. If you want to go to your parents you either take the kids with you or sort childcare. I AM AWAY THAT WEEKEND"

I wonder if this is precisely to stop you going, not because he genuinely needs to go to them. Wouldnt be the first pathetic insecure husband to kibosh his wifes time with her friends.

This. You are going away, non-negotiable. If he wants to go, he makes the alternative arrangements.

Also - if his dad is an addict, one week either way isn't going to make any difference whatsoever.

Turn around back to your husband and tell him YOU are away that weekend so if he wants to go to his parents he needs to sort out childcare. Explain that you never go away, you have booked this and it can't be changed. At the least childcare is a job for both of you- more so him as he is the one leaving at the last minute.

Don't cancel. Your in laws issues will consume everything around them if let. Your husband is probably caught in a fog of - well FOG and worry and whatever. That doesn't mean you have to burn your own life on the altar of their addictions and dysfunction.

Agree with everyone else. If he wants to go away he needs to organise care for the kids. Your arrangement is non negotiable.
Tell him that.

What suspicious timing.

Jeez we're already talking divorce? 😂

what convenient timing he needs to go away....

such a shame he can't be at home to look after his own children on his own, would be the first time he'd ever done it - fancy that

its tough being the only parent

Your holiday was booked first.

If he want sto go, HE sorts childcare.

TELL him, don’t ask him.

You need this break, and he needs to understand HOW important this is! It’s not being selfish! You matter too!

And if he doesn’t sort it, I’d be making his life hell!!

I mean realistically what is your fh going to do when he gets there?

@PumpkinQueen24 you tell him the kids are his responsibility that weekend as you are not here.

you could possibly ask their friends parents if they can stay with them but it’s not your problem to fix

go on your weekend away and leave him to it.

That was my first thought.

Strange that he just absolutely has to go and visit his family on the first and only time you've managed to get some time for yourself.

Your time away has been booked for a year. He knows that and he's decided he's going to find a way to stop you going.

If he's decided he suddenly has to go to see his parents, he, not you, has to be the one to find childcare. He seems to have forgotten he's a father and his children are his responsibility too.

He's a selfish, nasty arse. Please don't let him take this trip away from you.

No its up to him to sort out childcare. DO NOT CANCEL

You had plans first, so it's up to him to sort out alternative childcare, not you. Sounds like he's jealous and doesn't want you to go.

Your husband needs to sort out childcare, since he is the one not being able to do it.

"No, DH, I am having my first weekend away from the kids in 14 years, so if you go away, YOU will have to arrange childcare. Your family being addicts is not some new thing; it's been going on for a long time and will no doubt continue for a long time to come. If you want to dance attendance on them that's your choice, but I'm not altering my plans because of them". Stand firm.