Girls weekend potentially ruined

[PumpkinQueen24]

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

Our family rule is that whatever's in shared Google calendar first takes priority

So, if I have something planned, DH has to work around me

If he has something planned, I work around him

Um, HE needs to sort the childcare.

Her husband should be sorting it. Honestly, OP, this is so unfair on you. This stress is going to completely make the holiday not worth it. I feel so angry and disappointed for you.

Over 200 posts in, all pretty much saying the same thing, and no reply from OP.
Yeah, I’m feeling the same way.

Could he not book accommodation near his parents and juggle everything from there. If your eldest is 14 I'm picking they not babies so could amuse themselve for awhile.

Even though OP likely won’t return, I’d be reminding anyone in this situation to remind their “DH” that he will have to do a LOT more parenting if I divorce him and he has them 50/50.

I wouldn't say that exactly. Being a child of parents with addiction is hard and clouds your judgement. He's probably lived his life since childhood in their web and doesn't know any better. He needs to get help to break free from the codependent and enabling relationship and see that he has to put his wife and children first now.
Making him sort the problem would be a good first step.

Would think if it was that urgent he wouldn't be waiting for the weekend.

No, I believe the husband is deliberately trying to sabotage her trip.

I'd be very put out by this and push back hard. Sadly, there will likely be multiple times your husband can fulfil any obligation he feels to his family, as addiction tends to be pretty demanding. Missing one for an obligation to you is not unreasonable.

Do you socialise once or twice a week, book club, going to the pub, dance class anything like that or did he make you feel shit for wanting a night out you've stopped going out at all.

You’re already booked up it’s up to him to sort childcare if necessary or he takes them with him.

Op ain’t coming back

It seems very timely that his urgent need to help his family clashes with your long planned trip. Do you think he genuinely needs to go at exactly the same time?

I suspect the OP is not coming back because she ended up cancelling her girls' weekend, and she doesn't want to admit that and face a chorus of "Why did you let him do that?" and "Where's your backbone?" etc.

OP, I hope you come back and prove me wrong!

He can’t go. You have plans. I hope he went earlier or waited till after you return.

This.

I wouldn't feel guilty, and I wouldn't be cancelling or arranging anything in this scenario. If he wants to go away, he needs to arrange childcare himself.

You are not selfish. He should understand that he needs to find childcare because you'll be gone. That's insane that he thinks he's gotta do that specific weekend.