Girls weekend potentially ruined

[PumpkinQueen24]

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

Nope nope nope. HE needs to sort childcare.

You already have long standing plans for those dates. He is supposed to be solo-parenting. If he now wants to do something else on those dates, he needs to make alternative childcare plans.

Simple! He’s a selfish dick, who thinks the kids are your responsibility.

Hold firm OP. Agree with a PP that this is teetering on a break up territory. If he abandons his children and prevents your trip going ahead, this would be a major example of how little he values and supports you.

His kids and you should be number one priority before his parents!

"Nonono. YOU need to sort childcare because I won't be here."

Sorry, he sounds like a right prick, jealous of you going away, and is doing his best to stop you out of pure vindictiveness.

OP you have to find your strength and determination here. Tell him you are going away as planned x months ago, he knew about it, his Dad will be ok for one weekend when he didn't need instant attention up to now, but very conveniently THIS weekend.

Stick to your guns and do try to go. Do not capitulate. It is his problem, his kids.

He can bring them with him to Dads and rent an air b and b if needed. Surely?

This!

Or they’ll construe constructive advice as “getting a kicking” and ask for their thread to be deleted.

He doesn’t want you to go!!
His family problems have been going on for a while.
He needs to look after HIS kids and go the next available weekend.
You need to draw a line in the sand over this one.

"I am not going to be here. You have been aware of that for a year. What you and the kids do that weekend is up to you. End of"

They are his children too. He needs to sort childcare or take the kids with him

@PumpkinQueen24 you are already away that weekend so if he needs to also go away then he needs to sort childcare out.

Perhaps he can take the kids to your parents house on the way to see his parents?

But its his issue. Not yours.

If he really, truly feels he needs to go then HE needs to arrange childcare. How dare he tell you that YOU need to sort it when he's the one throwing an oar in the plans - they are his kids too, he knew he was going to be looking after them solo that weekend.

If it was a genuine emergency and he did generally solo parent to allow you breaks I can see why he might be stressed and you might need to step up and look into childcare. As others have said though, how convenient he 'needs to go' the very weekend you're going away.

He’s saying VERY loudly that the kids are your responsibility and NOT his… I’d reconsider the marriage to be honest.

I echo all other posters on the reasons behind him choosing this very weekend to go see his dad. What a coincidence…

fuck that - tell him he can go next week and skip the half term holiday and you and the kids go!

Why have you never had a night away from your kids in 14 years

“You can’t go away that weekend, my trip has been in the diary for a year and I’m not cancelling”.

Absolutely this.

What an amazing coincidence that his chronically dysfunctional family would absolutely need him the one and only weekend in 52 that you had planned to go away.

Please go on the trip. He is sabotaging you. If you don’t go, he will win.

Major husband problem, mine would make sure I was still going away. Why can't he take kids with him?

You don't have to find childcare, he has to find childcare. Or he has to stay home. It's all very simple. Substance abuse problems can wait 3 days in the nicest possible way. This absolutely sounds like a deliberate sabotage act on your holiday. Is he normally like this?

Hmmm. Will OP ever come back. In the words of the mighty Mumsnet. You have a DH problem. He sound like a dick to have suddenly chose that weekend to go help his parents out, and it’s up to him to sort out the childcare.

Unless this is a sudden downturn in your FIL's health that is likely to need him to go That Week, I just don't understand why he would go then instead of the week before or the week after?

these are things for DH to sort, not OP!

If this outing is a rare event, your self care and his responsibilities come before the needs of someone with a long term addiction. Also, you're not the default parent. You made the arrangement first. He might have have to sort out childcare.

Nothing to do with you. Not your problem. He either cares for them
or finds replacement childcare. Don’t engage.

He is treating you like a doormat because you behave like one .
putting your own needs last does not make you a martyr mum… it makes you a mug .

time to grow your backbone .

He needs to sort child care unless they are not his children you told him a year ago. His family (ie you and the children should be his priority). Would he genuinely not have you going because of his (addictive parents) what a selfish ass hole. You would be better off with someone who puts his own family first