Girls weekend potentially ruined

[PumpkinQueen24]

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

Absolutely 100% this!!!

If it is a genuine sudden emergency with his parents, you could see whether your children have friends they could spend the weekend with, but as all PP have said, sounds like your DH is deliberately picking the one weekend all year when you can’t cover to go. Stick to your guns.

No. He will have to sort childcare. Not you.

You know this is deliberate, right?

So he sorts childcare or books annual leave to visit parents in the week when you are not on holiday.

If it’s that damn urgent then he should be asking work for compassionate leave.

He sounds like a prick. Go on holiday and consider leaving him permanently.

His life long addict father isn't going to suddenly become permanently sober because your H visited him for a few days? He needs to either abstain with medical help or carry on in addiction but that does not mean your DH should prioritise him over his own wife and kids.

He clearly doesn't see the children as his responsibility yet will jump through hoops for someone with a disease that makes them selfish and is not curable without the willpower of the sufferer.

The kids are with him, so he needs to find a solution.

Is your father in law critically ill as that changes things.. Even if this is the case, why is it just down to you to sort the childcare, he is the parent too.

Otherwise I agree with everyone else, this sounds like a deliberate sabotage.

I can’t believe women don’t voice their opinions in situations like this!! Fucking hell I would let rip. I would say….

Next weekend? You have got to be fucking joking!! I haven’t been away in 14 years! 14 fucking years! And yet it’s THIS very weekend that your Dad needs to see you despite the fact he’s been a substance addict for years! Why haven’t you gone before? Why can’t you go after? Go now, like right fucking now if you’re that bloody worried. Nah! You want to go the one weekend I’m seeing my friends!

Not on your Nelly. You are staying here and looking after our children. I will not be sorting childcare. Nor will you. You will be staying right here as has been arranged for the last year. If you dare to argue, that’s it, I’m fucking done.

Leave now and see your Dad, you’ll get there in 8 hours if you have a good run. Off you fuck. Give him my best.

I forecast that the OP will not return and this will be yet another drop in the ocean of purposefully infuriating threads that lead to nowhere.

Unless there’s an emergency (as in his father is dying which don’t be the case) he is their father and he is looking after them on those dates. End of conversation.

What @Hatty65 and others said @PumpkinQueen24

I agree with everyone else. He needs to organise his life and responsibilities to accommodate your occasional weekend away.

I can see why you haven’t done it before! He has a poor attitude.

100% this- it is his responsibility to sort the childcare out as he knows he is in charge during your weekend away.

Bit of a coincidence that all the years of his father struggling it has to be this weekend he goes

Put your foot down and tell him no, you're going on this trip

"I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family."

Unless there's been a particular incident that you haven't mentioned and really is something he needs to go NOW over, then ^^this is your mistake. You are facilitating him screwing you over like this.

You need to find the anger that Moveoverdarlin voices.

Alternatively, he can miss the family holiday (assuming you'd be happy to go on your own with the kids).

No, HE has to organise childcare.
Or not go.

Out of interest, does he ever go away with his friends?

Why didn’t you say something when he said you would have to arrange childcare? No you do not, he does. He can bring them with him and they can stay in a hotel if he can’t find any. It’s non-negotiable, you are going on this trip.

I think you need to go away asap, (see if you can WFH for a few days and stay with your parents) so he has to look after the children and can't just disappear at the last minute, leaving you to sort them out. Make it very clear you are away on those dates and the children are his responsibility.
He has to tell his family he can't go until after you are back!

Or he can drive the kids and collect them from your family and continue on his way if he really wants to see his own family but don’t you arrange anything, let him do it.

Assuming you discussed the dates of your trip with your husband before you booked and he agreed, the children are his responsibility during that time. he can take them with him (which probably means that he has to return home on schedule instead of extending) or he can find an acceptable carer, but it's up to him. If this were an emergency, I could understand him wanting to brainstorm care ideas with you or see if your plans might be changeable, but as it's not he's got to take the initiative to figure it out himself. His implying that finding childcare was your responsibility instead of his doesn't make any sense.

Can u leave before him

Also, why can't he go the weekend before you go away? (Assume you're away next weekend as the one before half term)

Come on op find your voice and tell him it’s not acceptable. Dont let him ruin your long awaited trip.

I hope you said to him “don’t you mean you need to sort childcare!”

You are going away it’s been booked forever unless there is a death or something catastrophic happens the children are your husbands problem that weekend and he will have to take them with him won’t he!