Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

This is way above my pay grade. 8???!!!!

Where has your 8 year old picked up that language and attitude?

She's lashing out, pushing her boundaries.

Calmly tell her we dont use hurtful language in this house. Remove the sign for 3 days (dont go massive on punishment at this point, leave yourself somewhere to escalate to)

She is rebelling against the boundaries that prove you are a good mum. I would have a good old chuckle, roll your eyes and not let her press your buttons. Save the sign to show her when she’s a mum herself and you can both laugh about it one day.

I'd remove it and, when they are rested, have a conversation about how it's OK to feel angry, but it's not OK to be disrespectful and it's not OK to use words like that to other people.

I think i would then also state that I assume they had learnt such behaviour on YouTube and it was now going to be blocked indefinitely on the router. If they learned how to express their feelings respectfully then you can revisit that.

There is no way I would tolerate that from an eight year old. What would she potentially be like at thirteen!
Confiscate something, no treats for a few days etc. You know her currency so do your worst. Good luck OP but definately nip this in the bud!

Screens gone. She’s too young. Only cartoons on tv no YouTube. And talk to her about language and then sit down and play something with her to remind her she’s a child!!!!

I'd ask for an apology when she's calm. It's ok for her to be angry, it's not ok for her to swear at you.

Ultimately, it's a symptom of her tiredness, I couldn't get too her up about it.

Talk about gentle parenting. What you're basically saying it let her get away with it.

I once found a note my 6 year old had written to remind himself not to buy me a birthday present. He couldn't remember why though, I assume he'd been very cross about something. I would be pretty shocked at the language in your daughter's note though.

Change the letters to say "you're grounded kiddo"

This. And your husband is wet as hell. You need his backing or he is part of the problem.

The language is the bad bit, the note-writing in general isn’t uncommon. DD1(7) likes to write notes when she feels maligned and post them under the door or hang them on her door! Mostly directed at little sister (who can’t read so doesn’t care) but sometimes at me and DH. Hers are more along the line of ‘Leave me alone’ and ‘NO sisters allowed’ etc. We did have ‘DC2 is stupid’ once too!

I wouldn’t get upset by thinking she meant it, but I would want to have a proper discussion about use of language and the damage words can do. It’s okay for her to know she’s hurt your feelings and for you to enact a consequence as a result.

Screens gone, playdates and parties cancelled and extra chores for the foreseeable. Not acceptable

Ignore. She wants a reaction.

Have a chat when she comes home from school about what you do for her, and she'll probably take it down herself.

When everyone has calmed down have a talk with her about what she thinks she should be allowed. Try and lead her through a discussion about why does she think that you won't allow it, and does she think you are wrong. Can she explain why in a better way than "because you're mean and I want to"?

She's getting to an age where she can start to understand this stuff. But she does need to know it's not okay to speak to people like that. That you forgive her, but that means it's wrong.

I’d also make the point that YouTube is only for children who can be mature and handle it and writing rude notes is a sign that she isn’t grown-up enough to have access to it.

I would have a conversation with her along the lines of. 'We do not use language like that in this house, it's rude and disrespectful. I get that you are annoyed with me, and it's OK to feel angry, but it's not ok to use mean words like that. The consequence for this will be..... The reason we don't want you on YouTube is not as a punishment, but because you are too young for it. What were you trying to find out on there and how else can we find that info'

But try not to take it personally, she doesn't mean it, she is just testing boundaries. So you need to be really clear where those boundaries are, that's it OK to express yourself, but we need to consider others also

Tell her you love her and nothing she does will ever stop you loving her, but no amount of love will make you let her have everything she wants when it isn't good for her.

Don't expect her to be rational when she's upset though.

And actually I'd have a talk about the note. What does she think is a shit mum? What's a good mum? Are you really doing the shit mum things and not the good mum things? Because she doesn't mean it, but she also needs to learn that this isn't how you have a constructive conversation with someone who's not giving you what you want. Point out how you would go into a shop and tell the person behind the till that they are shit at their job. You'd be asked to leave. At work you'd similarly be on trouble and she will have to go out into the real world one day too.

I probably wouldn't mention the note actually, but youtube would be permanently banned. It causes too many problems.

Very poor behaviour indeed.
I would remove some treats.

What does he mean to just leave it? She’s 8 years old, she shouldn’t even no to say language like that

I mean her language is terrible but who hasn’t received an “I hate you” note from a grumpy kid 😆

Wouldn’t mention an 8 year old calling you a ‘shit mum’? Just very poor.