Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

Exactly. Wants a reaction. She felt hurt because you didn't give her what she wanted. She's decided she's going to hurt you back by saying things that she thinks will inflict pain.
If it was me, I'd ignore it at the time and just get on. Then when whole thing has died down and she's back to her normal self, address the language and how to express her upset. Also tell her if she does it again that there will be a consequence. As a kid that would have seemed fair. If she does it again, you must give her an unpleasant consequence.

Oh would you? For a sign on the door and a swear word? My dad "wiped the bloody floor" with me as a child and it didn't work. I just bottled up my feelings, became passive aggressive and hated his guts.

Perhaps mumsnetters need to practise what they preach, and stop referring to children (sometimes their own) as “little shits”. I expect a few children have seen it on their mums’ screens.

I remember doing the same thing as a child though minus the language. I wrote "mum's pineapple pudding tastes like plastic dog food." Mum read it, laughed and walked away to let me have my tantrum. When I calmed down we talked it through properly and lo and behold now it's a funny story.

Funny apart from the word s*t

Totally agree with posters saying to let this ride for a bit.
The language is the bit that needs addressing and you can do that once things are calm. Especially if this is the first time she's done it.

I was always too scared of my mum to leave a grumpy note on the door. I was more silent scream and give the middle finger through the ceiling (but still with my other hand cupped around it incase anyone was spying on me).
Love my mum to bits, but I would rather my daughter feels safe to put up signs to let me know she is angry than be scared of what I'd do to her if she dared.

I think you sound like you're a great mum, but kids lack impulse control and need a bit of guidance without immediate jump to punishment.

This this this. Get some sleep : )

Tell her you will be interviewing new mums to take your place then invite some work colleagues, preferably ones she has never met, to dinner.
Think the failed child minders in Mrs Doubtfire!

A friend of my mum’s had a teenage daughter who would often say “I ‘ate yer, mom. I ‘ate everyfing about yer.” At the time, I was about fifteen, very unco-operative about things like schoolwork, but I tended to sulk and seethe silently on my woes, instead of saying anything and getting angry. My mum (who was a teacher) told me it might do me good to say the things this daughter said. I don’t think she was joking, and I was utterly confused by her saying this: perhaps she thought it might do me good to express some teenage anger, instead of bottling it up.

Let her sleep.

When ready, return the sign with the words, 'If you're ready to write that, you're nowhere near ready to use YouTube... or your IPad.'

if it helps my just turned 4 year old told me she hopes I ‘have a bad life’ 😂😂 Children have big feelings these days!

Probably everywhere

lol. This is some weakass shit. @Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse show her who’s boss and banish her from the kingdom. A few years in the wilderness should do it.
If she’s still not sorry enough then place a curse on her, make her look prematurely old and give her dry twigs for fingers, it worked for my kids when they stepped out of line

It's not lazy parenting
It's deciding what hill your gunna die on and this one I wouldn't she is young !
If she was 13 or older I would absolutely punish this behaviour it's all in context the whole family was overtired . Instead of coming at other posters just write your own opinion your not an expert and neither am I but I don't go at other posters

Oh my goodness, I have an 8 year old girl and would not let this go! Let her sleep so she is more rational, then talk to her. Definitely ban YouTube. I have a strong filter on our family ipad so my DDs can’t access it. I would also explain why she can’t have it.
My DD kept going on about Roblox, and in the end I was honest and told her about the safety aspect of it and that I want to keep her safe. That seemed to work much better than just constant ‘no’.

As for the language, people are naive to think that 8 year olds don’t know any swear words! We don’t swear at home around the kids, but my DD knows the words from school (you’d be surprised at how many kids use bad language in playgrounds!), graffiti and people swearing in the street etc. However, they need to be taught explicitly that using it at their age is unacceptable. DD has never used a ‘bad’ swear word in front of me, but I have heard her say ‘Jesus Christ’, ‘bloody hell’ etc. I do not let her get away with it, and make it clear that we don’t speak like that in our house.

I think you also need to tell your daughter how hurtful that message was, and until she can speak to you nicely, some privileges she enjoys are removed.

Me. I have two sons. They have never even SAID it, never mind written it down.

They may have thought it, of course, but in a Caribbean household that does not come out of your mouth 😂

Hmm wonder if Dad would have same view if the insulting note was directed at him.
i would remove the note and both you and dad need to enforce boundaries which would def include removing tablet and phone

If you don’t die on this hill then when she gets to 13 you will find you are on a very big mountain.

Simply not true. All 4 if my kids have said inappropriate things, used swear words etc. Guess what? We sailed through teenage years. I didn't tell them off for having feelings or swearing. They were asked to go to their rooms to calm down and think about what they were saying. They were told certain words were nit yo be used, but I didn't shout and scream at them.
Now they're all adults and we have a very close knit family.

Some people are mistaking 'nit going apeshit' with none parenting. There are other ways to deal with this kind of behaviour. It doesn't automatically mean we are opting out of being good parents.

Take the f-in door off - see how she likes that

🤣 That I’d like to see.

Only on mumsnet does anyone advocate taking the door off. And yet again, the irony of the swearing!

What’s the irony? There are no 8 year olds on here.

I'm a few years younger than you, and while "shit" was acceptable at home, it was clearly explained to me that I must never say it at school, or in front of granny or Auntie Eileen. Ditto "fuck".

My parents were sweary though, and my friends used to take the piss because they were very well-spoken. My mates thought it hilarious when Pa effed and blinded in his very plummy, slightly camp sounding, voice and accent.

All I know is that my Irish ma would have been at the bedroom door with the wooden spoon or a damp dishcloth about ten seconds after that appeared!
But you do you and when inevitable call comes from school safeguarding regarding your child’s language to a teacher or another child you can explain it’s “gentle parenting”…