Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

Questions end with a ?

So you are imagining what you would say if your child ever said anything downright rude

My omission

If she'd written bad mum it would be a chat about why having boundaries is what good parents do. Kids are allowed to be cross with their parents.

So a small consequence for swearing as 8 is too young. Then address the broader screen issues.

This.

Although @ThreeMogsAndCounting sounds nicer than me. I'd wait until they were rested and then tell them that there was absolutely no way I was tolerating that kind of rudeness and disrespect from anyone living in my home. I'd make it clear that any repetition of such rudeness would meet serious repercussions.

Would also state that it was clear that she wasn't old enough to be trusted to watch Youtube and that screens woud be severely limited so that I could see where she was picking up this attitude.

Bigger issue is your husband basically shrugging this off

What I would want to do- write one of my own saying “do not exit you are a nasty little brat” and put it on the inside of her door.

What I would do- rise above it, maybe say when she’s calmed down that it was very hurtful and she needs to think about how she acts, even when angry and that we do not swear in this house. That I am imposing limits on screen time because I love her and want the best for her, which includes not mashing her brain with rubbish.

Oh and I would say that my decision was clearly right because she’s proved to me that she’s definitely not mature enough to handle her own screen time so she can forget about going online for the next few weeks. And I would absolutely stick to it.

Yeah defo don't let her back onto Youtube

She is lashing out, but the language is unacceptable. My child has occasionally lashed out with phrases like "you are rubbish" when I haven't allowed him to have/ do something but he has never swore and always apologised after. You need to address the language and stay firm on your stance with youtube if you don't allow it.

Remove the sign from her door.

Put an A4 piece of paper on the door with sticky tape. On the piece of paper, write:

You're a shit kid to write things like that to your mum. However on this one occasion, I will forgive you. Just don't do it again. You'll get your sign back on Saturday.

I would ignore it. She is allowed to be angry about rules. This is a small way of her trying to express herself and it doesn’t do any harm.

She will calm down and take down the sign. Everyone will move on.

Or you can turn this into a big thing and escalate the issue.

Ofcourse my children have been rude in the past. One is diagnosed with ADHD. But because I stay calm they now model that themselves. Losing your shit only models and normalises losing your shit. That is why so many adults are totally incapable of regulating their emotions IMO.

I agree. I’d be furious.

Ignore. Girls really know to twist the knife.

personally I'd find it funny but still talk to her about use of language.

So you need to address this behaviour to let her know that to “twist the knife” is not on!!

How old is your child (or more than one)?

You wait and see what happens when she wakes up and leaves the room.

If the note disappears she is probable remorseful and it was just a lashing out when tired. Then I would have a calm conversation with her that I saw the note. What did she think about it now? And that I don't want her using that kind of language again. No more action needed.

If the note stays and she shows no remorse for it on her own, then there will be a conversation that this is a clear sign that she is too young for YouTube.

None of my children were feral. I was one of the strictest mothers at primary school. But I wouldn’t let an 8 year old writing a sign see me reacting like a Victorian woman with a fit of the vapours. Jeez. Being a parent should be about taking an adult view, and not overreact like a child yourself.

If you have the balls wear the sign at school pickup like a necklace and tell anyone who asks, hopefully including her class teacher, that DD wrote it because she’s addicted to YouTube but not to worry you’ll be having a long chat about it later. She will die of embarrassment and fear!

" Try and lead her through a discussion about why does she think that you won't allow it, and does she think you are wrong. Can she explain why in a better way than "because you're mean and I want to"?

I'm sorry but that's made me spit my tea out laughing.

I would be 'leading her through a discussion' about not being so rude and disrespectful, and that Youtube won't be happening supervised or unsupervised for a very long time as a consequence, and the thing she was looking forward to isn't happening either. If a repeat of that behaviour happens, then the consequences will be even harsher.

I definitely think there has to be a consequence for this as otherwise, she will continue on and be impossible as a teenager.

What made you think you were one of the strictest mothers at your children’s school @Screamingabdabz ?

It’s a clear sign she shouldn’t be on you tube. I’d wait a bit and then have a calm conversation about language and how hurtful that is. Plus she isn’t in charge of who comes in the room. When she’s an adult and pays mortgage she can decide who visits her room but no you can’t ban mum from a room she pays for.

This.

I'm not clutching my pearls at an 8-year old swearing. Chances are she heard it from her parents, if she didn't, she and her friends will be using worse.

But we don't speak to each other that way in our house, so I would expect an apology.

And in fairness my son would give one, once he'd calmed down. We are very hot on that in our family and at 18, my son will now both moderate his language/behaviour in the moment, and immediately apologise if goes too far, but you only get to that point by keeping a cool head rather than coming down like a tonne of bricks at every single transgression.

You parent by consent. A child has to want to be parented. If they don't, because they see you as oppressive or reactive, you're way more likely to get the kind of unruly teen some posters here are fearful of.