Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

I would address it.
Tell her you have seen it, that you see it is meant to be hurtful, that this is manipulative, cold behaviour and if she behaves like this in life she will lose meaningful relationships. Give her a chance to reflect.
If it is the first time, I would keep it to a chat and how she does not want to become a mean girl type.
If she keeps doing it, then no YouTube for another day.

I would explain why we don't say things like that, explain the hurt. Ask her how she's feeling, ask her why she said that. Actively listen to her. Then explain the punishment, such as no screens, which seems appropriate given what you've said. She's 8, to lash out like that seems a touch extreme. The situation needs more than to just punish because that doesn't teach an 8 year old the 'why'.

Way too much for this age

and the primary won’t thank you for entering the school premises with a sweary message like this for all to read

Yep 100%. Definitely needs addressing, the language, the ingratitude and the lack of respect. It might seem harmless/
mildly funny at 8, it won’t be funny when she’s climbing out of the window aged 13 to buy vapes and calling you a bitch.

There would be nothing “gentle” about my response, put it that way.

My 8yo is autistic and I’d be delighted that he was expressing himself without lashing out, setting a boundary to make himself feel safe, and taking time to calm down on his own. I’d laugh off the swearing tbh.

Going nuclear isn’t going to make her less tired and emotional.

11 and 6.

would your husband have been so “chillax” if his daughter had called him a shit dad?

I would have asterixed out the “s*” for the benefit of reception class!

And I’d say it’s a natural consequence that if she does stuff like that it might come back to haunt her. I bet she’d think twice before doing it again.

?
She wrote it like that, she left the letters out

She has watched YT at two friends houses, she's not allowed it at ours.

Remove the sign permanently

permanently block access to you tube

and block access to anywhere she is hearing this language and behaviour

non of this needs to be done in haste or anger calm and firm

Exactly. I speak from coming out the other side.

I'm amazed at the number of posters who want to go in with huge punishments!

An 8yo getting overwhelmed and saying something unkind to their safe adult when tired is hardly an unheard of situation.

If the goal is to help the 8yo regulate their behaviour and think about their impact on others, a chat when their calm to allow them to see it hurt their mun is the best option. I suspect they'll be genuinely remorseful.

The pps who favour huge punishments make me think they can't manage their own feelings and want to hurt her in response. Which is hardly modelling good emotional regulation!

Where is she learning language like that at 8?

She doesn't, that's the point

this ^^

Somewhere I have a similar sign DD2 wrote when she was about 7 & upset with me and DD1.

Came here to say this. What happened to a good old fashioned "how DARE you".

When DM broke that phrase out I knew I'd royally fucked up.

Oh she wasn't even brave enough to fully swear at you...

Honestly, she's tired and emotional. It still doesn't make it cool, and I'd still want an apology and for her to understand that we don't speak to each other like that, even when we're angry - but this is not the molehill I'd make a mountain out of.

I probably shouldn’t have found that funny. Does that make me a s**t mum too?

She’s allowed an opinion, she’s allowed to feel cross but it is not okay to express it rudely or use swear words. I’d talk to her about that, mildly.

In my limited experience overreacting to swear words does make kids feel they are important, and they use just them more. So make it a light touch and suggest that if she wants to say something horrible about you, perhaps she could look in her thesaurus.

This is a lovely Answer. I wish you told me that when mine was eight.

my kids hear all the swear words BIG difference is they are not aimed AT anyone

Get. Rid. Of. YouTube.

And internet content of any sort. She’s 8, what are you doing? Let her be little.

It's offensive, and not something blurted out in anger. She sat and created it.
It's not funny or charming.
It'd be very firm about language and judgement used. The rules about YouTube stay, no matter how angry she gets. So a very clear sit down conversation about what is acceptable and what isn't.

Yes, this was created and aimed at Mum.

We dont! That's the point, i'm mean not letting her as everyone else does