Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

And anybody who knows them will now be reassessing these people. If this is how they behave when someone tells them No and they don't get their own way, who would want that sort of possible drama in their life? They sound bloody bonkers, I'd be giving them a careful and wide berth.

Wrong for the stepson to be excluded in the first place but also wrong to make some big public point that ended up with an upset mother, an upset child and it being the talk of the wedding.

Grooms brother could have slipped into the back of the church and out again alone if it meant so much to him to be there. Instead, he managed to make it All About Him and I don't think much more of his wife for going along with it. The poor kids.

@SlothsRUs the church is open to everyone, so them attending this part of the day is fine. He still makes his stand and sees his brother getting married.

Then they should have congratulated the couple at the church and gone home.

It was not okay to then go to the hotel and loiter for 4 hours, making the couple’s decision not to invite step-son the whole focus of everyone’s day. Rightly or wrongly that was their decision and the wedding couple decide who can and can’t attend.

I would have admired him for attending the church but not the hotel - they acted disgracefully.

The stepchild should obviously have been invited, that’s a real dick move.

Not just you. Especially the 3rd paragraph. It seems like the OP's husband's brother did the same thing at their wedding. Unclear what the OP's husband wasn't supportive of though. Or why the OP is delighted all this occurred at this wedding of people she doesn’t seem to know very well.

I also what to know why the OP's husband was shaking hands with family and friends while at least two of them they were crying.

It was a v poorly explained OP.

For anyone reading, there are two boys I think. A 12y old ‘bio’ nephew who was invited and part of the wedding party. And a 9y old step nephew who wasn’t invited. Yet he was brought along in protest anyway by his mum and his stepdad who is the groom’s brother. And the three of them crashed the wedding from the periphery.

And some people cried. And the OP is loving every minute of the ensuing gossip.

Someone crashed a wedding, a child was crying and you wanted to curtsey to the man (the brother of the groom) responsible for this shameful upset?

No - the son is a close relative, he's the groom's nephew. The step-son is nothing to do with this family.

I find it so sad that people, particularly ‘step’ family, are excluded so maliciously from family celebrations because some self-obsessed wankholes scream about it being “their day”, potentially wrecking relationships for years. People are such scum.

How old is son and stepson ? Would stepson have felt the sigled out by not being invited ? Does prep.son live with grooms brother ?

100% this. If you do not feel you and your family is wanted then just stay away. What this person did is revolting. Not just turning up at the church but sitting at the wedding venue with toasties knowing fine well they were causing a stir. That is attention seeking beyond what is normal.

The groom does not have a son

The groom’s brother has a son. nephew to groom. The groom’s brother tried to decline his son’s invitation as leverage to get his stepson invited.

Family had to step in to insist nephew camel

Groom’s brother stepped down as best man but turned up with wife and stepson anyway. He claimed he wanted to witness vows and catch up with extended family.

The step-child should have been invited. Shame on the groom for leaving one child out.

Having said that, to put a young child (I think you said he is 9/10) in the position of watching a wedding he's not invited to, seeing his step sibling crying, and the tension, is a very move on his parent & step-parents, part.

Not to worry, the self-obsessed wankholes turned up anyway and ruined the day for everyone.

Yay for bonkers Baby Reindeer types! Yay for destroying people's wedding day! That'll teach people to have opinions and disagree with other people. Or something.

Right ? That why despite condemning the brothers actions about showing up I don’t qfyilky pity the heron and bride . This was so easy to avoid by either not inviting the nephew or inviting the step nephew .

I think going to the church is perfectly ok. Anyone can go to a church wedding as they are open to everyone. I don't think they should have hung around atv the hotel for hours though that was a step too far

Wedding crashing is always a dick move. He made his point when he refused his invite. All he did was embarrass his son on behalf of his wife's son, who wasn't related to the groom.

@SlothsRUsdid anyone consider the bride and her family in all of this?

Yes. They honestly sound batshit crazy.

I got married last year . Being your day doesn’t mean you get a free pass to avoid family politics and relationships. You are uniting 2 families , family is more important than ever .

Yes but you would make the point the correct way by not attending. It’s the turning up, looming over everyone like an angry dark cloud that is just awful.

I'd see dressing casually as entirely normal if you're not a guest. I was brought up in a religious household and when I was a child it was very common to go to the Church if one of the congregation was getting married even if not invited but the norm was that you wore your ordinary clothes. Ok, we would have been clean and tidy, not wearing clothes we'd just been riding our bikes across muddy fields in, but definitely not "dressed up". In fact it would have been considered bad manners to go in formal clothing because that could be perceived as trying to pretend you were a guest and were more significant in the day than you really were.
I suspect that in this case the people involved were trying to make the point that they weren't invited guests for very different reasons, but as a general rule I think it's perfectly ok for a person who is just watching the ceremony not to dress up.

From what your saying the bride and groom are mortified by how it appears ,if they're mortified that's because they feel like their is sometjing to be mortified about .

People lose their minds over weddings.

@SlothsRUs I also think with regards to step-family, fine if you choose to have one but it doesn’t mean the wider family have to have them too. I don’t understand why it’s okay to force step-families onto people.