Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

A lot of families have the expectation that a brother will be best man even if they don't get on very well. This is pure speculation admittedly but I wonder if the couple felt that they had to ask him but were relieved when he then backed out because he behaves so badly.

That is wild speculation you’re right, perhaps the brother felt he had to say yes and was relieved to resign. Both brothers behaved extraordinarily so it sounds like six of one & half a dozen of the other.

Way to drag a kid through family drama

If he was so glad to resign then I don't understand why he turned up to the reception like that.

I suspect the real issue in a lot of these stories with excluded stepchildren is the bad behaviour of the parents. No I wouldn't treat a new stepchild exactly the same as a niece or nephew but I'd be open to spending time with a new partner and children and getting to know them if they seemed like nice people. The adults in many of these cases don't sadly and it's the kids that suffer.

but were relieved when he then backed out because he behaves so badly.

Well, he certainly behaved badly at this wedding.

So who bought him ? His grandma? And he wasn’t expecting to see his dad there with the other boy?

Seriously this is not about cringe, admire or chutzpah - it’s about the impact on the children and what is and isn’t fair to them. I think more than one adult here has behaved very badly .

I was thinking about this one last night lol. It's almost like the Groom's brother pulled a Muriel's wedding move :)
So technically, I know in my intellect that the Groom's brother was out of line and wrong to show up with wife and stepson in tow, at the reception venue and sit in the lobby area.....I would certainly wouldn't have done something like that...
I can't be too mad about it as I think the Bride and Groom were worse for not just inviting the stepson. The kids should not have been put in this position at all. But yeah.....The Bride and Groom can get glad in the same pants they got mad in, as my mama would have said.
Again this is coming from my emotions, not my logical reasonable brain 😀

"A person can make a decision to treat their stepchild “as their own” - that is their choice. But it’s unreasonable to force the rest of their extended family to make that choice."

Hmm, but deciding to treat a child as their own is exactly what people do when they adopt a child and in that case the extended family ARE expected to treat them the same.
(I do know a family where this is the case, but most MNers would criticise them for this).

Eh? Er, no. No, that's not how feelings work, at all. Adopted kids are given legal status and protections that stepchildren are not - and that's quite right. A stepchild has their own family to look to for those things, and if not then they can also be considered for adoption.

Nevertheless, people regularly feel neutral about adopted kids too and adopted kids regularly talk about how they felt like the odd one out in a family and were treated differently.

That's just life I'm afraid. It may not be "nice" and some people are fine with both steps and adopteds and feel strong bonds with them, while lots of others don't.

You can demand that people feel the way you think they are allowed to feel if you like. It still won't work though.

None of which has anything to do with the fact that a couple of absolute melts went full bampot on someone else's wedding and caused a lot of distress to a child by doing so.

I don't get why nephew was upset at seeing his Dad. Did he know about the drama beforehand?

Possibly he knows his dad and realised the drama was about to kick off. God knows what he heard from his dad and step mum in the weeks leading up to this. I feel sorry for that kid. I feel sorrier for the stepkid shoved into a place he wasn't wanted by his own mother. Yeah yeah yeah maybe the bride and groom were big meanies for not inviting him but his own mother put him into a situation which was going to be uncomfortable at best just to score points. poor kid.

Humiliation and stress I'd guess. These two bampots have been seething about this obviously. The whole church staring, his step brother being paraded for the bampots to try to gain sympathy, his uncle and aunt and gran all really upset. What a fucking mess.

Excellent use of bampot!

They sat at the back of the church, what stress?

Oh I see you're going with "pretend I am too thick to understand and ask endless pointless questions because I am bored and on the gin" riposte.

Sea also: Sealioning - a type of logical fallacy.

No thanks.

And then deliberately went to the hotel where the reception was being held and sat outside it all afternoon.

OP, I'm invested now lol. I told Hubby about this thread as I like getting his opinions and he thinks the groom was awful. Can you do some reconnaissance and find out from mutual people, if there was a back story or drama involving the stepson prior to this? I have to say, If not, then I'm more and more team brother of the groom. I wouldn't have stalked outside the reception mind you if I were him , I'd probably just go no contact with the groom in fact. But He apparently did what was intended and drew attention to a 9-year-old boy being excluded and made the people in the know uncomfortable didn't he? So, Mission accomplished I reckon. Perhaps he doesn't care if he has a relationship with the groom and family going forward.

You are obviously not obligated to do detective work but I'm just nosey!😀

Gosh isn,t it obvious now why the groom didn't want that side of his brothers family attending. They sound like a nightmare . I think you are not appreciating how difficult this must be for the bride and groom they ve got a lot of people at that wedding who have personal agendas , you included it's not about what happend with your husband in the past it is their big day and also waiting in the hotel lobby for 4 hours is not "we just wanted to be there on his wedding day" they are trouble.

‘Made people who knew uncomfortable’? Like his own son, you mean?

He may not care about the relationship with his brother, but what about the one with his actual child?

The guests reacted by supporting the boy who was distraught by his father’s actions. If the groom’s brother has succeeded in anything, it’s in making sure that his new wife and stepchild will never be embraced as family.

It's potentially an example of how you can be in the right but still act like an arsehole about it.

Of Course he was obnoxious to cause his son distress but I'm still curious to know if there's a back story and any drama involving the stepson to justify excluding him. I'm sure I'm not the only one curious

I appreciate that just fine. I'm not saying the brother wasn't wrong but It is possible that there's no real justification to exclude the stepson. I'm only curious. We don't have enough info to assume there was a previous pattern involving the Stepson and his mother. If there's a back story it would help to know that in order to form an opinion.