Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

He was probably stressed and embarrassed because his dad wasn’t meant to be there but was hovering like a stalker instead

What an odd post! What exactly are you wanting from it other than to just gossip about people you don’t apparently know very well.

Weirdly the only reason I have a problem with this is due to the casual clothes!!

If you're going to a wedding stick a suit on you set of bloody plebs

Rationally, I think all the adults involved sound like utterly ghastly people and they deserve each other. But I’m with you @SlothsRUs - theres a little instinctive part of me which has horrified admiration for the spurned brother. It’s extraordinary behaviour and real commitment to the cause! 🤣🙈

He should be very proud of himself , not by going to the wedding but for standing for his stepson and his wife . If this was me I wouldn’t go either and neither would any of my other kids . A family means a family , my stepsons are part of my family , you either invite us all or none . This would be different if they didn’t invite the nephew but was not the case

Nothing to admire on either side in this. They all sound like pillocks.

Well, he made his point, didn't he? We come as a package.
But that point could have been made by just not attending rather than being spectre at the feast.
It will now become an NC estrangement between brothers/mum being put in the middle.
It was avoidable probably but then goes to expectations. Where would second wife and stepson have sat? If nephew was an usher, would they have insisted stepson was too?
A 9 year old is meant to think what exactly?
I think the brother is right to have stuck up for his blended family but I think his wife could have sorted this by downplaying it/arranging stepson's dad to have had him that weekend.

I think going to the church fair enough, but hanging around in the lobby for 4 hours is too much and just trying to spoil the day so yabu. I do think the groom was insensitive not to invite his brothers step son when asked, especially as it was only one more child so not going to hugely affect things, unless the child’s mother also wasn’t invited or there were extremely tight for numbers.

See , I think at 10 he is probably stressed because he knows his dad was disappointed he went and I can see why .

ginasevern

What is it that isn’t making sense?

I don’t know the answer to a lot of the questions.

Horrible all round to be honest. I feel for the two kids

Rather sounds as though you don’t consider the stepchild to be an ‘actual’ nephew either! Despite covertly supporting the ex best man’s actions and your husband shaking his hand at the church gate?

I think brother is an out and out bastard. He ruined a wedding for everyone (except you OP, it seems), and obviously doesn't give a shit about his own son. I assume that, based on him hanging around for 4 hours, despite knowing it had upset his son.
His wife is equally appalling.
Brother would no longer be in my life - periphery or otherwise.

With specific regard to education and children not being victimised as a result of either parent or sibling behaviour.

It does not oblige families to consider that the child of a previous relationship is a sibling/grandchild/nibbling etc.

This.

How awful of them. Instead of talking about the lovely bride, the handsome groom, the love and happiness of two people, they ensured the day was ruined with gossip about them.

They are, no question at all, truly selfish, shitty people.

Yeah. That would be the end of it for me.

Much too confusing and not nearly enough information for anyone to make a judgement - except I can’t see how ruining a wedding by making it all about yourself, and reducing children to tears, is in any way admirable.

You'd have to be a really entitled Baby Reindeer type to admire this sort of shitty, selfish, self absorbed behaviour.

I don’t understand why the boy was distraught to see his dad, step mum and step brother? Was it because he was worried things would kick off or because he doesn’t like them?

Urgh, they have completely embarrassed themselves and put the kids through a very uncomfortable experience.

The bride and groom had made it clear that they do not acknowledge this unit as part of the family. If the brother was offended, he was right to stand down as best man and should have stayed away completely - perhaps reconsidered his relationship with his brother and his wife. Why impose yourself where you're not wanted?!

Probably because he disappointed his dad by going and knows it ( not saying is right just giving a reason ) .

Sitting at the back of the church - fine on the face of it - any member of the public is allowed to be in the congregation.

Going to the hotel for 4 hours - weird and controlling.

This might have been part of the issue. The ex best man’s son was dressed in the same outfits as the grooms party, I expect the ex best man was also initially expected to be dressed in the wedding outfit , but maybe the sartorial hand of family wasn’t extended to the step son , so they turned up in casual clothes to make a point.

Who knows! Such embarrassing, performative, spiteful behaviour all round. The brides family must have been wondering what they were marrying into. Or maybe not.

Your husband tried to stop his son going to this wedding? Or a wedding?

This story is confusing.

How awful. Ruining someone’s special day because you don’t like their guest list is just nasty.
they don’t have to attend if they were unhappy, but to just turn up like that is simply nasty. I would never speak to them again if I was the couple getting wed.