Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

The groom’s brother behaved appallingly and reduced his own son to tears.

Why would anyone applaud that?

All of them are equally as bad as each other and unfair to upset children.

And I agree with a pp, OP is loving the drama around this.

Nope. A wedding means whatever the bride and groom think it means and everyone gets to decide if they want to avoid you.

Oh well, not to worry, these families are now completely separated, for all time, and everyone knows to avoid the stalkerish Baby Reindeer family, absolute nutbags who can't take no for an answer.

It's a true shame the Baby Reindeers caused so much distress for the kids though.

But yay for ruining other people's weddings! Self obsessed wankholes for the win!

you don’t have to love them as much fair enough but you have to accept they are family or as in this case you have to choose your family stops being a family too . Family means accepting relationships change and that means new people .

Actually, it turns out you don't have to accept that at all. And now the Baby Reindeers have definitely ensured that will never happen.

A photo was taken of us all from as balcony while we stood on a lawn.

The stepson was running around outside with a tennis ball occasionally looking over but essentially oblivious.

The cousins and ushers kind of formed a human shield around the actual nephew as we walked back inside and for the rest of the evening .

I'm so confused as to who people are, which part is referring to "when this happened to us", who the OP and her DH were in the situation that happened to them in comparison, why the nephew was crying ...

It's not, of course. And it just does not work. It's a bizarre fixation some mumsnetters have, but people do get to make their very own choices.

All they Baby Reindeer family has done is ensure that none of them will have anything to do with one another, ever again. And it's so cruel and genuinely awful of the Baby Reindeers to cause so much distress to the children.

it It is one thing to turn up to stage the protest to hurt his brother (who really should have invited the step son if the other son was going) but quite another to do it to hurt his own child.

That’s very narcissistic view . I think that is more baby reindeer than anything else . A wedding is a just a celebration , it’s a few hundred people joining to celebrate love . No party trumps relationships. Maybe because we both ( me and hubby ) think this way , we had an amazing wedding with nil drama , we invited step nephews and their kids for those that already had them , wouldn’t do it any other way . A few hundred quid is not worth destroying a family . It’s different if people are violent or there is a real reason it to invite people but doesn’t seem to be the case .

They are the groom’s brothers family, yes, but not the groom’s family. The groom and his wife have every right to invite the brother as an individual rather than a package deal only. An individual gets a plus one at weddings, brother takes his wife.

No step-family forced onto anyone.

I think the OP must have had her child previously excluded from an event or wedding (as a stepchild). So she is projecting here and applauding the groom’s brother. Again, very poorly explained.

She is still at the hotel and already posting about it on MN. Let’s hope the wedding party don’t see it.

Totally agree. Selfish fckwits. Half the population these days, at least.

I agree with this.

Sounds as if everyone behaved badly and went for drama rather than peace.

Turning up having said you will not attend, causing upset is low class behaviour.
How bizarre to admire such rudeness.

Even stranger that some admire it.

Sitting at the entrance of the wedding hotel for several hours is an unpleasant and passive-aggressive gesture. Regardless of the provocation, it’s an unacceptable way to spoil someone’s wedding and make it all about the ‘wronged’ family.

I don’t understand this obsession that some people on MN have with stepchildren going to everything. It entirely depends on individual circumstances.

If groom’s brother had been with stepson’s Mum since stepson was very young, and the wider family had known stepson for years, and stepson lived with them - then yes, he should have the same “status” in terms of wedding invitations as the biological son.

But for all we know, they may only have got together a few months ago, and stepson may live mainly with his biological father, and not know the extended family at all. And numbers could be limited.

But essentially, the groom’s brother decided to punish his brother by ruining his day. He refused the invitation as a protest - fair enough, that’s his right - but then he decided to add an extra layer of punishment. He sounds like a nasty man, and his wife too. And what a crap day for the stepson as well.

It'll be taken down soon as it's so identifying ...

Why was the step son not invited? This all sounds exceptionally childish over one child? Just be polite and invite him. Why are people so mean when it comes to weddings .

Going to the church I get as a church wedding is public and anyone can attend a church service.

Turning up uninvited to the venue and hanging around is unhinged as fuck and dragging a child along makes it worse.

Should the stepson have been invited? We don't know the dynamics here but given how pig headed the ex best man sounds and how upset the biological nephew sounded I'm guessing there's relevant history.

It would have been nice if they invited the stepson however it sounds very much like they would have been offended had stepson not been part of the wedding party. Attending the church and staying at the hotel is malicious, they made their point loud and clear and are petty. This will cause a deeper rift between the brothers.

It's not your decision, at all, what other people do for their wedding or how they see their wedding, or how they organise their wedding.

You get no say in it at all. Something you've definitely been told many times before.

It's typically people with narcissistic personality disorder who attempt to rewrite reality and try the DARVO technique.

So, no, people deciding what they want at their own wedding is their own business.

The fact that you align with the Baby Reindeer uninvited stalkers says it all.

You've certainly been told to leave people alone many times before, and you are definitely well used to people trying to avoid you at all costs.

Yeah this is awful behaviour. Stepchildren do not need to be included in weddings.